Leaving 3 year old unsupervised

[Wordsoup]

I have a very sensible 3.5 year old and a very very fussy baby who will not feed (breastfeed or even take a bottle) if there is the slightest distraction or noise in the room. Believe me I’ve tried everything, different positions, blinds closed, tv off, white noise on, 3.5 yr old reading books being as quiet as possible, a distraction toy to distract baby, all of us going into a dark room together, waiting to see if baby really wants it, you know if baby is hungry enough baby will feed none of it works. She’s dehydrated herself before (didn’t have a wee for 5+ hrs and it was dark) and I ended up with clogged ducts from being engorged, tried to pump and give kn cup/ bottle etc and still no goddamn luck. Baby is 6 months, so just starting solids so milk is the primary source of nutrition. The slightest noise which obviously happens with a 3.5 year old and baby refuses and is clearly hungry as is just crying for it but can’t settle to feed with any distraction.

luckily dh wfh 90% of the time so can watch toddler in these occasion but sometimes he needs to go to the office. What on earth am I meant to do then?

only thing I can think of is take baby into her room, put toddler in their room (one is visible from the other) to feed baby in the dark, and set toddler up with sometbing on the iPad and her toys (already in her room) and keep an eye on her with her camera monitor. Is this utterly awful?!

no one that can come and watch her either
what would you do?

It's fine.

My second would feed to sleep for naps, as long as there wasn't distraction. 2yo watched cbeebies. Whilst she was younger than I'd have liked to leave her out of sight, she was in hearing, and frankly the house would have to fall down around her before she'd even break eye contact with the tv 😂

You've got to do what works with 2

I can’t believe you never leave your toddler unattended! Surely at that age they should be by themselves without an adult next to them?

That’s not true, she’s just started solids ie little tastes, milk is a baby’s primary source of nutrition until they are 1, but especially at 6 months…

Well I have, like in the lounge will I’m cooking dinner or exploring at soft play etc but this is a bit different because I’m practically shut away in another room, the door is only open a crack (distractions) but I can see her room through the crack and the light is off… maybe it’s not that different, just feels different.

Is it? I got told it’s very common especially with younger siblings to be extra distracted, weight gain is fine, tracking same line and developmentally they are fine, ive posted on bf support groups and called the breastfeeding helping and they all said it’s common. I’ve tried a nursing cover and hates it, pulls it off face so I don’t know if headphones would help

Not awful at all, as long as you've got a monitor. At that age I used to let my DD play in her room (which was toddler safe with a low bed and no shelving, window locked) with a baby gate on the door and a monitor on while I was dealing with a newborn and trying to establish bf

Yeah the room is safe, she’s got a toddler bed and a built in wardrobe so there’s nothing that can fall onto her. She’s got a small toddler chair and a small on the floor bookcase (more like a magazine rack) and a toy house to keep her entertained along with the iPad but I just felt bad for her being left alone. She naps alone though and sleeps alone so I guess this is no different

Wow so far removed from the rest of the world if we think a 3.5year old is nearly school age.

A 3.5 year old is extremely young, and yes some do still resemble toddlers. Just try to get her to join in the babys routine, that's what I did when my 19 month old daughter was born when my other daughter was 3.7 years. It worked extremely well and made her feel included.
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A 3.5yr old will be going to school next year. Are you not in the UK?

My daughter is 3 and a half, give or take a few days.
Shes starting school in September.

My youngest will start school a day or two after her 4th birthday.

Reread the OP. The issue is that the baby won't feed if there are any distractions. A preschooler is definitely a distraction!

Note I said preschooler, as they'll be in school next year.

I don't see the big deal at all in what you suggested. My 3 year old is often alone in another room while I feed the baby.

Perhaps because the baby has not been used to sharing their space with an older sibling, but a baby that is included in each other's routine from the start should not find another sibling a distraction, infact it should be a help. Keeping them apart will only make matters worse in the long run, combine each others routines so they are used to each other and it curbs further problems down the line.

A thankfully in my part of the UK, our children start school at a more civilised age 5, but closer to 6 is now being encouraged to fall into line with the rest of the world.

Starting school immediately after turning 4 is nothing but sadistic really.

@MolliciousIntent

You said what I said was old fashioned and not backed. I disagree.

"After you start solids at six months, your baby's usual milk is still an important part of his diet until his first birthday."

Doesn't say it needs to be primary. Some dc start weaning, and then very quickly food becomes the main part.

Surely the fact that the OP is talking about how she's never left the preschooler alone before demonstrates that the baby is very used to being around their sibling!?

This is a really normal phase that babies go through. Stop implying that OP has done something wrong.

"At the beginning, how much your baby eats is less important than getting them used to the idea of eating.

They'll still be getting most of their energy and nutrients from breast milk or first infant formula."

That's from the NHS. This baby has literally just started solids. Milk is still the main source of nutrition.

Are you prone to hyperbole in RL?

so baby is very used to her sibling and is very social with new people (unlike dc1 at this age) so that’s fine, they play together it’s just that baby wants to be involved in everything, baby is equally distracted if I have the tele on Or out and about, just hearing someone talking will make her pull away and refuse, it’s not just her sibling it’s literally anything and everything including me being on my phone

She’ll be nursery next year, she acts quite young which is probably why I still think of her as a toddler, she still naps in the day for instance

i can’t bring their schedules together outside from meal times because baby still needs naps and milk regularly, nap 3 we can do in the pushchair out and about but even that’s hit and miss now due to weather.

but overall point i get, dc1 is fine left alone, lots of other people do it it’s nbd, too much pressure to be perfect. She’s got safe access to a loo, i bring her drink and the it’s all secure, nbd I need to chill haha