Leaving 3 year old unsupervised

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I have a very sensible 3.5 year old and a very very fussy baby who will not feed (breastfeed or even take a bottle) if there is the slightest distraction or noise in the room. Believe me I’ve tried everything, different positions, blinds closed, tv off, white noise on, 3.5 yr old reading books being as quiet as possible, a distraction toy to distract baby, all of us going into a dark room together, waiting to see if baby really wants it, you know if baby is hungry enough baby will feed none of it works. She’s dehydrated herself before (didn’t have a wee for 5+ hrs and it was dark) and I ended up with clogged ducts from being engorged, tried to pump and give kn cup/ bottle etc and still no goddamn luck. Baby is 6 months, so just starting solids so milk is the primary source of nutrition. The slightest noise which obviously happens with a 3.5 year old and baby refuses and is clearly hungry as is just crying for it but can’t settle to feed with any distraction.

luckily dh wfh 90% of the time so can watch toddler in these occasion but sometimes he needs to go to the office. What on earth am I meant to do then?

only thing I can think of is take baby into her room, put toddler in their room (one is visible from the other) to feed baby in the dark, and set toddler up with sometbing on the iPad and her toys (already in her room) and keep an eye on her with her camera monitor. Is this utterly awful?!

no one that can come and watch her either
what would you do?

Why is she under the care of a paediatrician?

Mine definitely played in another room or watched TV on their own at that age. It wouldn't occur to me to set up cameras!

Without meaning to be dismissive, millions of us has to work through lockdowns with children at home and not always in our eyeline (my youngest was under three when it started).

You are overthinking this. As long as he's in a safe environment I think your solution is fine.

He will start to gain independence at this age anyway

Ds was playing in his room at this age, it's normal.

As a single parent if I didn’t do this from time to time nothing would ever get done! I’d never shower, or hoover, or anything. She’ll be fine.

By 3.5 I was regularly leaving my DD alone for blocks of time while I did things around the house, showered etc. I really wouldn't worry about this.

I don't think a 3.5 year old is a toddler, either. Have a little faith in them, they're growing up!

It's fine. What do you think aingle mums do with their children while they shower/go to the toilet etc?

If that was relevant to the OP’s post I imagine she would have mentioned. Otherwise, it isn’t any of our business!

So you normally never let your 3 year old out of sight inside your own house? There is no need to be so anxious about this. Obviously you wouldn't leave her with something hot in reach or an obvious danger, but my 3 year old roams freely all over our house as she pleases, playing with toys , or whatever. She can't open the outside doors and there are no hazards I'm worried about.

I will open the doors to the garden, which is fully fenced and not visible from the road. She freely goes in and out, plays in her tramp, sandpit etc, whilst I get on with jobs inside. I am an extremely vigilant mother but none of this worries me at all.

I don't know why you would be worried about her being in a different room in your own house. Relax! It's totally fine and normal! You don't need to watch her on a monitor either.

A sensible 3.5 year old in a very safe room (no open windows, blind cords, all bulky furniture/TVs attached to the wall, age appropriate toys, no eating unsupervised) should be fine playing alone for a short time.

DD1 is 3.5 and is quite often in a different room! If I'm cooking she's often in playroom or elsewhere or if I'm settling DD2 for a nap or folding clothes or whatever. I think that's pretty normal!

Firstly don't be so hard on yourself....what you are doing /thinking is fine.

Secondly though its quiet unusual to have a baby who won't feed like this, are they being investigated at all as to the causes.... Can you put headphones on the baby (noise cancelling) and eye shades? Does that help at all?

All sounds fine for 3.5 yr old, as pp said they are often at nursery, can entertain themselves.

But, I wouldn't tolerate this from baby anymore. I would gently be firmer, and say ok, if you don't want to..... because I think although baby is young, I'm not suggesting 'tough love'. I'm just suggesting you be a bit firmer.

But, I wouldn't tolerate this from baby anymore. I would gently be firmer, and say ok, if you don't want to..... because I think although baby is young, I'm not suggesting 'tough love'. I'm just suggesting you be a bit firmer.

I don't understand what effect you think this will have? The baby is six months old

This is the stupidest thing I've heard for a while, babies just don't work like that.

Baby is on solids. If she's that fussy, she doesn't even need the milk as a primary source.

Surely it's normal for a 3.5 year old to play in their rooms while parents get on with household tasks etc anyway?

Also a 3.5 year old is not a toddler. They should be more than capable of playing by themselves for a while in their rooms

She's 6m old, she needs milk as her primary source of nutrition until she's one. Your advice is very old fashioned and not backed by any recent research.

Why is that any of your business?

You seem determined to have a crack at the OP who has asked a perfectly reasonable question.

Maybe, but if you've never done it, you've never done it and it's hardly unreasonable to ask.

That’s irrelevant here, but it’s because she went through a period of low growth so the GP referred her, she caught up now but is just being monitored

A bit firmer how? The baby is a six month old baby for god's sake! It is not about what they want, it is about what they need and it is 100% a parental job to facilitate that.

Total nonsense!

It's fine, especially if you can see the 3 year old.

It's not neglectful, it's not like baby is young enough to be cluster feeding.

Are you on maternity leave? Only because I'd consider what's going to happen when you return to work, if you are.