I hate being a mum

[Helena1993]

Okay. Stone me to death, but the stress I've been experiencing with my 6 month old up until now is nothing I've ever felt before.
It's agonizing. I haaateeeee being a mum.
What exactly is my problem? Lack of sleep (she wakes multiple times a night for her dummy...). Her constant screeching that makes me reuse my ear muffs (she was colicky). Being responsible for everything at home. I'm so DONE. The most frustrating part is that this is my life now and I can't just run away. I love my baby but I hate having to take care of her. She always vomits when I offer solids. I'm stuck at home. I miss adult conversations. I miss just being me. I'm jealous when my husband goes to work and gets his 8 hrs uninterrupted sleep at night. And when he comes home he doesn't help with the household.
He doesn't seem to appreciate what I do. He never says "thanks" only complains about everything. I even made a list for him so he knows what he needs to do every day to help me. It's usually just one chore a day like "laundry". Is that so much to ask for?

I hate how yesterday he said "well I can't take the baby tonight. Some people actually got a job and need to sleep."

A couple of hours ago I called an ambulance because I got heart palpitations from all the stress. I started to panic. I was 100% convinced I was going to die. They said it's normal when you're stressed. And now I gotta pay for that too.
I cba to do anything anymore. I'm nothing but a cow and a cleaner.
I'm embarrassed to tell my husband that I called the ambulance.

Not sure what the future will bring but right now... I can't take it anymore. It's relentless. I can't take a break. I hate my life.

You have a shit husband problem, on top of a non-sleeping baby. I would tell him that you have a job too, which is to look after his baby whilst he works. Your job isn't to clean up after him. He can do his fair share of household tasks, not to "help" you but to be a normal adult person.

Are you in the UK? Just wondering about the comment about having to pay for calling an ambulance?

Me too, your not alone. I literally feel like I am just here to take care of other people. I have. I support and hardly ever go out and support most other members of my family I do help. I love my kids, but like you hate caring for them. If I knew how lonely and sad I’d feel, I never would of had children.

That is meant to say I have no support.

Yes, this.

You are parenting single handed. You have a partner who needs to start pulling his weight with parenting.

Does your husband work weekends, if not take a day and leave the baby with him. If it's so easy to complete all the household tasks at the same time tell him you look forward to a clean house and home cooked meal.
And if he hates it, present him with the cost of local childcare.
He's the problem not your baby.

I found the first year very hard also. Are you planning on going back to work?

I would 100% recommend!

You have 7 kids?

I'm jealous when my husband goes to work and gets his 8 hrs uninterrupted sleep at night. And when he comes home he doesn't help with the household.

Therein lies the problem. Why can’t he do any night feeds if he has a job? You manage to! (Your job being caring for a baby all day)

You need a break.

Same. It's so lonely. I never get to talk to anyone. Friends who don't have kids aren't interested in seeing me anymore. And when I meet other mums they always talk about their babies.
If people knew this is what parenthood is like I'm sure we wouldn't have a problem with overpopulation.

Yes I am. Shortly before she turns 1.

It's not parenthood, it's shit friends and a shit husband. Do you think your husband, who is now a parent, feels isolated and lonely? No, because he is shirking his parenting and household responsibilities.

I would say shit friends too. Majority of my friends dont have children- but they take an interest in my children, just like i take an interest in their lives. They see me with my children, I meet them without etc. It's give and take, it sounds sadly like you are surrounded by takers.

Agree your husband is shit.
At the moment you are in the thick of it, you are in the hardest bit. It was always going to be hard but the key is having support around you.
For the record I feel the same as you and I have a supportive husband and family.

😔 Sounds like my life is really over.. If it's always going to be hard

The PP didn't say that it would always be hard, rather that having a newborn baby is always hard work and is made especially hard by not having any support around you. In your case, your husband is worse than no support as he is also generating work for you, criticising you and leaving you feeling worse than simply being on your own.

It isn't always hard work. When they are in childcare and then school, things change. When they are able to do more for themselves, things change. And don't forget to count all the ways in which your child makes you proud, happy, delighted, amused, etc etc each day.

True... I misread

Yes I’m so sorry, I definitely meant that this bit is hard regardless, but the key to making it through alive is having good support, breaks, lie ins every so often and time to be just you and not mum 24/7. And it does get easier. My first son is 4 now and he is so easy, he spends most of the day at school and when he’s home he just potters about playing or drawing, our chats are the highlight of my day. Hang in there.

I got terrible heart palpitations too a few months in. You were right to seek medical care to be on the safe side. Hang on in there, it gets easier, it really does. Just keep going but make sure you're getting enough help x

Im sorry you feel this way.

It DOES get easier I promise. Hang on in there. I struggled with my first and honestly im struggling again but I know it passes.

What helped me is telling myself this is just a phase and it will pass. If you don't work on this now you will carry on beating yourself up and then look back in years to come then regretting feeling this way! It's what happened to me so now I'm kinder to myself

Your husband sounds very unsupportive

Here's what I suggest you do -

*Tell your husband how you are feeling... and that things need to change
I didn't do this and left my husband when little one was 22 months. I felt lost, bored and lost my identity.

• schedule time for you. Wether it's a long bath, hubby cooks instead of you, walks, meet for coffee/drinks/meal with friends WITHOUT baby. Having something planned is always good for your mental health and gives you something to look forward to *plan you week so you have nice things to do Even if it's a trip to the library so little one can choose some books combined with a nice coffee shop visit and treat yourself to a slice of cake

It honestly isn't forever and keep saying that to yourself

Sleep deprivation is the worst

What I find hard is having to rush everything so when I get ready in the day I have limited time to say get dressed, make up etc before baby needs me but as I say it's just a phase and doenst last so doing things from the list above and having things in place are key ( for me anyway ) for getting through this hard time

Also reach out to others like you have done

It makes me feel less lonely knowing others are in the same boat

Where are you based ? X

Also get blood works done

You may be anaemic. I had heart palps the other week and it was my thyroid playing up

Ask your gp for a full blood count to check for anything underlying

Eat well and rest when you can

X

I actually disagree. If her husband is going out to work all day (actually going out to work - so driving, presumably making decisions) he needs his sleep. She can sleep in the day when the baby sleeps.

He does however need to step up when he comes home and swoop in and take the baby off her so she can have a shower/nap/go out for a walk etc.

Babies are actually ridiculously easy though. It's perfectly possibly to do housework with a baby! Literally the easiest stage of parenting. With a toddler, sod all chance. I had two babies at the same time and I definitely wasn't struggling the way that you sound like you are (I did have a wobble when they were both toddlers though) I might add, I had zero family help and very few local friends who could help.

You actually sound very depressed. Please see your GP.

Practical advice - you need to get outside each and every day. Walk - lots with the pram. Fresh air. Play groups.Baby gymnastics. Get out there! Anyone would feel depressed stuck in the house all day. Just put your baby down every 2 hours for a sleep - be religious about that. And go out in-between.

Agree with others - your husband is the problem here. Could you source some childcare and go back to work? I hated maternity leave due to the monotony and lots of the things you have said. Sure working full time and parenting is hard but it's far more enjoyable. Your baby will get easier - honestly. They do eventually sleep and once they move/interact/communicate more independently it becomes more fun. Don't wait on this though as it takes a long time. Work out what would make you happy and do it. Don't ask your husband, tell him what you're doing. Your time and needs are as valuable as his.

“I'm jealous when my husband goes to work and gets his 8 hrs uninterrupted sleep at night. And when he comes home he doesn't help with the household.”

Nope bollocks to that. It’s his offspring - he is in it with you whether the selfish prick likes it or not. He can share nights and household chores. You both have a demanding jobs - yours has nearly hospitalised you.