I hate being a mum

[Helena1993]

Okay. Stone me to death, but the stress I've been experiencing with my 6 month old up until now is nothing I've ever felt before.
It's agonizing. I haaateeeee being a mum.
What exactly is my problem? Lack of sleep (she wakes multiple times a night for her dummy...). Her constant screeching that makes me reuse my ear muffs (she was colicky). Being responsible for everything at home. I'm so DONE. The most frustrating part is that this is my life now and I can't just run away. I love my baby but I hate having to take care of her. She always vomits when I offer solids. I'm stuck at home. I miss adult conversations. I miss just being me. I'm jealous when my husband goes to work and gets his 8 hrs uninterrupted sleep at night. And when he comes home he doesn't help with the household.
He doesn't seem to appreciate what I do. He never says "thanks" only complains about everything. I even made a list for him so he knows what he needs to do every day to help me. It's usually just one chore a day like "laundry". Is that so much to ask for?

I hate how yesterday he said "well I can't take the baby tonight. Some people actually got a job and need to sleep."

A couple of hours ago I called an ambulance because I got heart palpitations from all the stress. I started to panic. I was 100% convinced I was going to die. They said it's normal when you're stressed. And now I gotta pay for that too.
I cba to do anything anymore. I'm nothing but a cow and a cleaner.
I'm embarrassed to tell my husband that I called the ambulance.

Not sure what the future will bring but right now... I can't take it anymore. It's relentless. I can't take a break. I hate my life.

I was in a very similar position 6 months ago.
I now have a one year old and I am back at work 35 hours a week.

I now cherish the time I have with her more than I ever ever did when I was stuck alone with this demanding baby that I couldn't just return to amazon!

Things are still hard at times but I feel I have alot more of myself back now.

Take care of yourself OP, go back to work early if you can and soure childcare X

It can be really really shitty.

It gets better.

Your main problem is your husband, there are many threads on how to get a lazy arse to start helping out - but pull the rug from under him, because it needs to be 50/50 when you are back at work. Also, if he ever makes a comment about you not having a real job again karate chop him in the head and put him right.

Consider going back to work sooner, a year long mat leave is loooooong if FT childcare isn’t your thing.

Transition to bottle feeding if you haven’t yet and then your DH can start doing that too.

PMSL at the PP who said 'sleep in the day when the baby does' - what if you get one who will only contact nap?? And has been horribly colicky??

Colic can leave the parents with a form of PTSD. Might be a factor as to how you're feeling.

Totally agree with this!

Just because it’s easy for you doesn’t mean it’s not hard for others.

I also find it really hard - can barely get any housework etc done. LO wants to be held constantly and hates being transported anywhere in pram or sling etc, so makes going out stressful.

DH is more sympathetic than OP’s but falling apart himself due to demanding work schedule so he’s not much help. Reverse for me in that he was in A&E at the weekend for a panic attack.

I have just accepted that the house will be messy for now, meals are quick and easy ones, LO will scream when we go out, and we’re living on our own schedule for now where we sleep in late due to being up in the night.

Give yourself a break OP. I would tell DH about the ambulance as he needs to know how stressed you are and that he needs to step up. I hope things get easier for you.

You will 1000% feel so much better when you get back to work, I promise. For me, my career is a massive part of my identity and I returned when DD was 6 months old (through choice). I know that sounds awful but it was the right thing to do for me and I instantly felt more like myself, which in turn allowed me to enjoy my relationship with my DD. I wish I could tell my past self this. You WILL get through this and things are going to get so much easier. So much so, I'm having another sending lots of love and reassurance.

It's unfair to make promises to the OP about how she'll feel. For every woman who feels better returning to work, whether we feel it's worse because she's working on 3 hours broken sleep and still doing everything baby related.

All anyone can promise is that babies change, your situation changes, and they at some stage there'll be good as well as bad ones. Nothing stays the same for very long, so the current challenges will pass. Whether there next ones will be better or worse is for time to tell, but at least they probably be different.

You definitely have a husband problem. Mine has always shared the nights and the parenting load as near equal as we could, irrespective of working. It helps a lot

In terms of baby vs toddlers, I'm not sure how relevant it is to debate this - the OP is struggling with her baby now. Though given how much harder a lot of people find toddlers, maybe we shouldn't make any promises about how much easier it'll be...

I'm very much in the 'newborns are the easy bit, toddlers are very tricky' camp, even with a colicky non sleeping bottle refusing baby. Saying that, I struggled at this stage with my second.

I found 6-18m hard with my second. She woke 10+ times a night at this age (and I was working PT). I wouldn't have stayed vaguely functional if it wasn't for my husband. He couldn't do the feeding (bottle refuser from birth!!) but he just took care of everything else, life, our toddler. Even just the feeling that someone has your back, really helps. To refuse to muck in, when you see your wife struggling, isn't love. To hog all the sleep, and not care how exhausted she is. That isn't love.

Sleep isn't a luxury but a basic human need. Yes, the husband needs some to drive and work, but he could certainly get a little less, so that the woman he says he loves can get a little more. We alternated with my first because 1 broken night sleep with baby followed by an unbroken 7 hours (and then getting up with the baby) alternating meant we were both a bit tired, but also both were functional and ok. No one was on their knees with exhaustion. The husband seems to have forgotten the teamwork but here and that the baby is actually his as well as his wife's.

I've started to do some gentle sleep training and it's already working. I'm just trying to drop the dummy so I won't have to replace it 6 times a night. She fussed for 15 minutes and then fell asleep. I went in every couple minutes to reassure her I'm still there.
So she sleept 6 hrs in a row!! Unbelievable...

I told my husband about the ambulance and he started to help me without me even asking him to.

Things are getting a little better.
He will also take the baby for a couple days.
How do Single mums survive this hell?

I miss going to work. So I think for me it would be wonderful to return. Many people tell me toddlers are easier because they can feed themselves and play on their own. But other things probably get harder too.

For me that was definitely the case, and I know that everyone is different. Our DD is 3 now, and yes I suppose it is arguably harder in a totally different way, but for me it is much preferable and manageable and my routine is pretty much back to normal. Now it's like having a tiny (bossy) best friend

OP I often think about single mums. I guess they manage because they have no other choice but what actual superwoman they are!!

He might catch public transport. She might have to drive places with her child.

I'm not sure 'making decisions' is more important than keeping a small child safe and alive.