My baby doesn’t like cuddles

[KatyJayne18]

My baby boy is 6 weeks old today and I have noticed over the last 2 weeks, he just cries his eyes out when I pick him up. He will happily play, coo and smile in his moses basket when he wakes up, on his play mat and changing mat, but even when he gets irritated after so long of being down there, I pick him up and he just cries. I try to cuddle him, soothe him, rock him and cradle him but he seems to hate it and works himself up into a right frenzy!
The only time he lets me hold him is when he’s having a bottle or when he’s falling asleep. I expected him to be laying in my arms, smiling at me, looking at me and cooing to me by this age but he’s not.
I am really concerned that it’s something more. Has anyone else experienced this?

Hi
Do you have a health care professional yiu can speak to? Does he dislike others picking him .up.too?

Strong perfume, hand cream, shampoo, laundry liquid?

Brightly coloured hair, glasses? My daughter was terrified of anyone with a beard at that age but I'm assuming that's not your problem.

Are you breastfeeding at all? Some babies get very angry if they can smell milk and aren't being given it!

Does he cry if anyone else picks him up? If so maybe a trip to an osteopath to check if anything is hurting him?

My first guess would be strong perfume.

Some babies just aren't cuddlers.

Strong perfume, hand cream, shampoo, laundry liquid?

^ yes if it's just you then it'll be a sensory trigger related to you.

If it's everyone then could be one of those babies who dislikes cuddles. Some have proprioception difficulties that means being suspended in your arms feels scary. If it's not just you I'd definitely run it by a healthcare professional in case he's in pain.

Some babies don't like it. My wee boy has always been very cuddly on his terms. Right from day one. If he wants a contact nap or a cuddle he'll come for one. But if he's not interested (often) he makes it well known. He'll just shove his hand on your face and push you away. I just think he's bloody minded and independent.

My oldest was like this, I could only carry him whilst he was outward facing

he did not like being held, or cuddled

Some babies/kids are just like that

he’s always been very loving in other ways

Crying peaks at 8 weeks old so he’s probably right in the thick of hating everyone ha. At least that’s how I felt

He is the same with everyone. He doesn’t mind being on my shoulder, just hates being cradled. I don’t wear perfumes, use the same laundry detergent as I do his clothes in, I use no strong shower gel, I have no glasses or bright coloured hair or clothing. I have tried singing to him, chatting to him, playing with him and talking really softly to him but he just cries. It seems to be when he’s being cradled in our arms that he constantly cries unless he’s being fed or he’s really tired and wants to sleep. It’s been bothering me for the last couple of weeks.
I will definitely be speaking to a doctor regarding it in case he is in pain in that position.
Other than this, he is a generally happy baby. He loves trying to coo, smile, laugh and kick around when laid down flat, just not being held by anyone

My DD was like this. Apart from feeding and sleeping, would only be held facing outwards and upright. Cried if you tried anything else and often cried if you sat down rather than walking around. Was so worried she would be an unhappy child. As soon as she could sit propped up, hold toys etc she was like a different baby. From around six months she was the sunniest, smiliest baby and is still like that aged 11! She’s very cuddly and affectionate. Probably utter nonsense but it felt to us like she was frustrated by being a baby.

Mine hates to be cradled but loves a pick up over the shoulder or on my side now he is a bit older. I wouldn’t worry about it too much (haven’t given it a second thought myself), sounds like he enjoys his limbs being free. Mine likes pacing and bouncing, no truck with anything else!

Neither of mine have enjoyed being cradled like in a classic baby hold. Fine held on shoulders or cuddled more upright. I think the cradle hold can feel a bit like a turtle on its back to them. DD1 is a very cuddly and affectionate 3yo now

My DD was exactly like this! Would only tolerate being cradled if you walked around and she could look at things. She even started refusing cradled naps for a while…

She’s now 6 months and I’m happy to report she loves being cradled while bashing gently exploring our faces with her hand! She loves cradled naps again too. But she always preferred to be over our shoulder or, later, held on our side / hip. Some babies go through phases like this and I believe it’s because they don’t have the level of autonomy they’d like! Hang in there OP 👍

@moonseas thank you. It’s so hard and so upsetting that he does not want to be cradled. I feel as though he should be looking up at me, happy and settled, but he just isn’t at all. He’s fine over my shoulder and a lot better when I stand up swaying him from side to side, but regarding just relaxing himself and being happy in my arms, he hates so much.
I’m glad to hear that someone else has had this exact experience. I’m really hoping he grows out of it soon

Could you see a cranial osteopath to see if birth is still causing him pain? And your gp?

@Auntiealie i am going to contact my health visitor for advice in the morning. He does have a physio therapy appointment tomorrow as well which I am going to ask them for advice also. I am hoping it’s just a phase that he is going through but I don’t want to chance it

Sounds like maybe he doesn’t like his head being tilted backwards when cradled. Have a look at vestibular development.

I have a 3 month old and he is not too keen on being rocked either. He doesn't mind being picked up but he only calms if I pat his bum to a rhythm. Generally he prefers to sleep in his bouncer.

Just to add in a different vein - drop any "shoulds" you have stored up in your mind. Your baby will not be like the books, they will do their own thing. It's so hard as a first time mum to know what is ok and what is a problem, especially in the first few months, but as you get to know to baby as the individual they are, you'll start feeling so much more confident that you know what they want and need. "Shoulds" only end up making you feel bad. Definitely ask for help / support if you're worried, but please drop any expectations or visions of what you thought motherhood / your baby would be like x

Why the physio? One of my dc had physio as a baby due to traumatic birth and was as you describe…. not cuddly, liked to be put down and have own space to feed. Are you sure baby isn’t in pain? Birth is traumatic for babies and sometimes leaves them with a aches and pains so being cuddled might not be comfortable for them.

Also a lot of babies just need their own space. That’s why they turn away when tired, being held too much can be overstimulating. Not wanting to be cuddled all the time doesn’t mean your baby doesn’t love you…the smiling and playing is a way for baby to express love too.

I realize this is irrelevant but all of my Chihuahuas loved being held like babies except one. From babyhood he struggled in my arms to stay upright and outward facing.

And tbh he was the one in a million dog, sweet, super smart, communicative, loving, funny, always curious & engaged. He just didn't like being held that way.

My 2 ds were funny in that they liked to be held until they wanted to sleep - then they would get crankier and crankier until you put them down, then they would nod off almost immediately! The exact opposite to most other babies 😂 Babies are just odd like that sometimes! 2 year old is now going through a phase of wanting to be picked up constantly so it's swings and roundabouts really!

My second DS was like this. He had silent reflux. Osteopathy sorted him out. He's a different baby now!

Exactly what I was about to say . Wanting to be held upright is very common with silent reflux so worth mentioning to GP ,

I don't think this is that uncommon. My DD contact napped but she wanted to be held 'up' so she could practise head control. She was also better in the sling and HATED the pram. Couldn't use it until she was 5 months and could go in it sitting up. By all means ask a HCP, but I don't think it is that unusual x