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Original poster

Pregnant with a six month old

39 replies

Krimson · 20/11/2022 15:53

I found out today I am pregnant today and have a six month old. It's very unexpected and I'm unsure how to feel.

My pregnancy with my baby was utterly horrendous. I had hypermesis, spd, anemia and to top it off a pulmonary embolism. My baby has just started to sleep through the night and I worry now how on earth I will cope being pregnant, ill and exhausted and to care for my baby. I was bedridden for most of my last pregnancy and don't have this option this time. I also suffer from pnd and really don't know how I'll cope with this and the care of a 14 month gap.

I have found being a mum difficult and have a lot of support from the health visitors and counsellors for this.

I am 35 though and feel this is my last chance to have a second. My parents are also 70 next year and I worry they will be at an age where they can only provide limited support. I just don't know what to do and how to cope with no energy and parenting a baby.

OP posts:
howhardisittogettyres · 20/11/2022 17:32

Ah bless you. I bet it seems really overwhelming
Do you have a partner to support you?
You're parents aren't that old. My parents are well into their 70's and still help out

RandomMusings7 · 20/11/2022 17:35

Do you have a partner? Does he do a fair share of parenting? Is he supportive of having a second?

Original poster
Krimson · 20/11/2022 17:40

Yes I have a husband who is amazing father. He is supportive but also understands my concerns. His parents are also fantastic too and a great help.

OP posts:

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RandomMusings7 · 20/11/2022 17:46

Your concerns are valid and it's totally understandable to feel panic in this situation.

But you've only just found out. Why not give yourself a week to process the news and see how you feel once the initial shock is over? Can you maybe access a few counceling appointments too?

You have choices. There is no obvious right or wrong answer. Whatever you decide, it will be hard in some way, but also easier in other regards. So breathe, discuss the practicalities with your husband and take some time to figure out how you feel deep down.

Wishing you the best!

Original poster
Krimson · 20/11/2022 18:34

Thank you. I'm in a complete panic about how I will cope and meet my babys needs while feeling so exhausted and ill.

OP posts:
Blackeyesbluetears · 20/11/2022 18:39

You may be ok. I have a 12m age gap and my second pregnancy was comparatively a breeze. Also its much easier looking after a baby while pregnant than a toddler. Congratulations. My boys are wonderful. It was intense but I have zero regrets

overthehill7 · 20/11/2022 18:39

I have about the same age gap between my children. I'm not going to sugar coat it, it was hard when the baby is a newborn and needs you all the time.

But it really does get easier. They play together and they have similar interests. You get all the crappy sleepless nights out the way all together!!! Bottles and nappies at the same time. Honestly looking back it's the best decision we ever made!
I couldn't imagine my first getting to 4/5 and then starting it all over again. (Personal preference obviously)

MrsRinaDecker · 20/11/2022 18:43

I had hyperemesis with my first pregnancy, but only the barest hint of nausea with my second, so there’s no guarantee that would happen again.

TangoWhiskyAlphaTango · 20/11/2022 18:48

I had this too DD was 6 months I was so so upset! Can't lie I found it tough for the first couple of years but I had fab support from my folks and Exh was a good father back then. They are 18 & 19 now and I wouldn't change it for the world. Once you get over the shock you'll be fine!

Original poster
Krimson · 20/11/2022 18:49

Thank you all. I am a twin myself so can appreciate how it is having a sibling close in age when you are young. I just worry how I'll cope with two with no sleep, it's something I struggle with at the best of times. Also playing and being with my baby while I am pregnant just fills me with all sort of anxiety.

OP posts:
Managinggenzoclock · 20/11/2022 18:53

Oh gosh what a hard thing. I have a very small age gap too (not intended) and a very, very hard first pregnancy and birth.
It was really tough at times but thankfully my second child was like a little angel and so easy (still is!). They are really close too.

Hope you are able to come to a good decision for you.

USaYwHatNow · 20/11/2022 18:55

I would 100% make early contact with your GP and explain that you had a PE, they may suggest you go on blood thinners sooner rather than later to lower the risk of a recurring PE. Congratulations on your pregnancy 🥰

janie85 · 20/11/2022 19:02

All I would say OP is yes it'll be hard work, some times it'll be wodnerful though and your heart so full.
If you didn't keep this one, would be forever regret it?
I would continue through with it, get support from whoever you can, and just take it day by day, when baby 2 is 6 months old you'll be on the home run, and everyone says it goes quicker with the second anyway..
Because your husband is good, go for it

Cakeandslippers · 20/11/2022 19:13

It'll be hard but you will find a way. My oldest was 8 months when I found out I was pregnant. She was nowhere near sleeping through and I was also very sick and struggled to get out of bed. My husband just had to do it all, not ideal but he stepped up and did mornings, evenings and nights, cooking (for them, I couldn't eat), cleaning, shopping and night wakes. I just about managed to look after my daughter when he was at work then I'd just go back to bed.

Suggest your ring gp and get your meds sorted ASAP as they work better the sooner you start taking them.

Good luck, it'll be tough but you can do it.

RandomMess · 20/11/2022 19:18

Can you afford to buy in support?

My SPD wasn't as bad with subsequent pregnancies as despite it starting earlier I knew what it was and how to treat it.

My eldest learning to crawl was so helpful as I didn't have to carry her as much. I used the pushchair to lean on a lot.

Let your parents and DH and anyone else help you get through it.

Flowers
Original poster
Krimson · 20/11/2022 19:21

Thank you all. I was told when I was pregnant that if I got pregnant again I'd need to go on a maintenance dose of blood thinners anyway. It's the sickness and exhaustion too, I'm worried my baby will be bored and not have his needs met if I'm too ill to look after him. On the other hand I worry if he was an only child but I've struggled with being a mum as it is, I really just want to disappear.

OP posts:
Absc · 20/11/2022 19:33

Ring your gp tomorrow as it’s important to start the low dose blood thinners asap.

I also had both hg and an saddle pe in pregnancy first time. I’ve got a bigger gap now pregnant with my second and my sons 14 months old. I’ve found I’ve been given lots more meds from the start of pregnancy which are helping with the hg.

Newmum110 · 20/11/2022 19:40

I am currently half way through a surprise pregnancy and will have 16months between my too. Suffered so bad with HG the last time to the point where I decided another pregnancy was not on the cards!!! Didn't even realise I was pregnant until after 3 months, this pregnancy has been completely different, a complete breeze and that is with having a baby that doesn't sleep at night. Hope it is the same for you op, I wish you all the best.

Original poster
Krimson · 20/11/2022 19:52

Thank you everyone. Aside from the difficult pregnancy I have really struggled with the adjustment to being a mum. I still intensely mourn my old life and quite often just want to disappear. I feel with a new baby I'm for a foreseeable future with sleepless nights and early mornings which is something I struggle with even with help and a husband who splits everything. No prospect of a lie in either for ages as silly as that sounds.

Me and my husband had also started to get part of our lives back and I felt I had a good balance with baby and getting time to myself and with my partner. I can't see how that will happene now and arranging support for two babies. But I also worried about having an only child.

OP posts:
Ohwellwhateverthen · 20/11/2022 19:54

When I was in your position OP, I terminated, and have not regretted it for a single second.

Neanov · 20/11/2022 19:54

You need to consider your mental health. Could you afford to pay for a nursery? To help you get a break? A cleaner?

TwilightSkies · 20/11/2022 19:57

You don’t have to go through with the pregnancy.Your physical and mental health are most important.

Original poster
Krimson · 20/11/2022 20:00

I feel if I did terminate I would feel some relief but always sadness of having an only child. In an ideal world I'd be a few years younger and could have left a bigger gap but I'm not. I can't see any good ending to this, I really just want to disappear

OP posts:
Skelligsfeathers · 20/11/2022 20:03

I would terminate in your position.

Being an only child isn't an awful thing and anyway you are obviously fertile so who says you couldn't try again in a few years?

Nimblesandbimbles · 20/11/2022 20:07

Hi OP, I had pnd too & I can really relate to how you’re feeling. I would have really struggled in this scenario. What I would say is that I had my first at 38 so even if you decide not to go through with this pregnancy it doesn’t mean you won’t have another child. Also there are lots of advantages to having one child- it doesn’t have to be a sad thing.

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