Pregnant with a six month old

[Krimson]

I found out today I am pregnant today and have a six month old. It's very unexpected and I'm unsure how to feel.

My pregnancy with my baby was utterly horrendous. I had hypermesis, spd, anemia and to top it off a pulmonary embolism. My baby has just started to sleep through the night and I worry now how on earth I will cope being pregnant, ill and exhausted and to care for my baby. I was bedridden for most of my last pregnancy and don't have this option this time. I also suffer from pnd and really don't know how I'll cope with this and the care of a 14 month gap.

I have found being a mum difficult and have a lot of support from the health visitors and counsellors for this.

I am 35 though and feel this is my last chance to have a second. My parents are also 70 next year and I worry they will be at an age where they can only provide limited support. I just don't know what to do and how to cope with no energy and parenting a baby.

I know in that scenario I would find myself very close to the edge mentally & what I would say is don’t sacrifice your mental health because you feel you should have two.

I'm lying in bed now at 8pm thinking this us what my life will be like. I've always wanted 2 but I've completely struggled with the baby stage despite having an easy baby who for the most part sleeps well and is very loving and happy yet most days I still want to walk away. In my head I have this big family but in reality I just feel I can't cope. I worry so much my next baby will be difficult and not sleep, I really struggle when my baby goes through bad sleep spells

Op I'm currently 21 weeks pregnant with an 11 month old so was in the same position im a similar age too it was a shock we did explore the option of not continuing with the pregnancy but when it came down to we couldn't go through with it there is no right or wrong choice do what is best for you and your family and you could still try again In a few years

There are some positives to this timing, as well as negatives. It might not seem it now, but with HG and SPD etc, and exhaustion to potentially endure again, this is likely to be the best opportunity you have to test whilst pregnant.

I know that sounds madness, but your baby likely isn't crawling yet, then you've got walking, and a while before they are steady and fast. Simply put, there is less chasing them around now. If they were 2 or 3, you'd be dragging yourself off down the park, hobbling whilst they run faster than you (usually towards danger). They may have also given up their naps.

With a baby that sleeps through at 6m (gosh what I'd have given for that), and presumably 2-3 naps during the day, and then not being able to get anywhere that quickly, it might be physically easier.

I had horrendous spd from 8 weeks with my first. I contemplated trying to get pregnant at 3m, for the reasons above. I didn't, held on for a year, and it was probably harder.

I fell pregnant when my LG was 4 months, I was 8/9 weeks pregnant when it found out. It was a massive shock and I also felt so confused, and not happy about it , I didn't have a great first pregnancy and worried how I would cope being like that again whilst looking after a baby. Second pregnancy was much better from a medical point of view but I was much bigger and tired being in the go all day.
Each week I thought how am I going to cope in another week or two but you do.
I have a 13 month age gap. LG is 18 months and my LB is 5 months I actually found the first month or so easier as they just sleep, some days are tough , some days are great. I have my LG with me each day as can't afford to put her in nursery on Mat pay, I don't have a great deal of help from family and my husband can work away over night at least once a month, those days are really tough, but we get by.

Hi OP. I have 11.5 months between mine, now aged 4 and 5.

I also had a rough pregnancy with DC1, terrible SPD and anxiety and then had a horrific birth experience. I was quite depressed/panicked initially as it was much harder then I anticipated and like you I found the transition to motherhood very hard and missed my old life/ sleep intensely (I still do lol!)

But I decided to keep DC2 because i knew I wanted more children and in a weird way I wanted to get the baby phase done in one fell swoop. It was very hard (had SPD with second pregnancy too but birth was a dream) - yet somehow it just sort of clicked into place. Like you I was lucky enough to have a very supportive husband and we also got a part time nanny when DC2 was born which gave me a bit of a break some of the time. I think a good support network is crucial. My parents are early 70s and while lovey and supportive are of limited practical help and DH’s parents are in Ireland.

DC are now incredibly close and it’s starting to get a bit easier. Their bond is lovely and they’re easy to entertain together, like the same things, play together etc.

I even think about having another but I can’t hack starting from scratch now they’re both school age and I turned 40 this year. I think in some ways weirdly having them very close is beneficial when you don’t enjoy the baby phase as you don’t have to struggle through one and then start over again just as your eldest is getting more independent. The first 2 years sort of passed in a bit of a haze and it was very intense - especially with lockdown when they were 18 months and 2.5 and we were both trying to work- but I have some lovely memories.

that said it’s completely an individual decision and you really must prioritise your mental health. Get advice from your GP/ midwife and discuss with your DH what is best for all of you. I wish you luck!

I'm so sorry to read this and can completely empathise with you.
I was the same (a bigger gap) but I was devastated when I found out I was pregnant. I didn't have have great experience first time round - found it hard to bond with my baby, mourned my old life etc and was petrified I'd have another difficult baby and my life would be over.
But I went ahead despite my fears (DH is very hands on and vowed he would do anything to help me.)
So we kept the toddler in nursery 4 days a week for the whole of my mat leave (which was hard money wise) but I wasn't going to have them both at home more than I needed to. And I just took it day by day.
3 years on I am forever glad that I did it.
And it's mainly because they now have each other to play with. So I have to parent less.
I feel that if I'd just had one, then I would have to be more involved and wouldn't get to have me time.
But because they entertain each other, then I feel a bit more free-er.
It's hard to explain but I'm thankful that I don't have to "mum" as much. so that makes me a better mum when I have to do "mumming"
I really hope you come to the right decision for you - I just wanted to say to you please don't be scared as it might not be as awful as you are imagining.
Don't get me wrong - it's hard even lifting the older baby into the cot when you have a bump. And there were times where I had to strap the older baby into the buggy so I could be sick in the mornings.
And when the two of them are little it's hard with bathtimes and naps. But it passes. And you manage. And then suddenly they are 3 and 4 and it's all fine.

Good luck with your choice.

My mum will be 70 next year and while she is a great help now I worry how much she will be in coming years and I would completely not manage without the support.

I know in the future will be easier but it's the part before that I just cant cope with. No money for a nanny or anything. I just really wish I wasn't here now, I can't believe this is my life

And my baby while a good sleeper at night isn't a great napper during the day

Haha, probably true!

I still think though that I'm terms of being able to rest a little, it's going to be far harder work in a couple of years.

I have been toying with a third, but it's out of the question until our youngest is in school because a pre school child and severe spd just isn't manageable. I just about managed with a 1 year old. It would have been easier with a 6m old.

Thank you all for your kind comments. I've decided I think to go through with it as I'm 35 and don't want to leave things later and worried in a few years my parents will be too old to help out.

It doesnt make it easier. I feel completely drained of energy not helped my baby was up every 2 hours last night and feel sick too. I have no idea how to cope with being a mum to a baby and feeling so ill or how to cope with sleep deprivation looking after two babies. I feel so anxious all the time over it

Talk it over with your GP. You have choices and a medical perspective given your problems in your last pregnancy might help you decide.

Oh OP I've been worried about you these past few days.
I'm sorry that your current baby isn't letting up at all.
If you - can you find ways for you to have support in the next few months - it's going to be hard, but what helped me was keeping the older baby entertained in the day so I could rest. Little games here and there - whatever works for you. Batch cooking/slow cooking.
I don't know your life but if you can find small wins now, then by the time the baby gets here, you'll be equipped.
Remember also, this will be your second time round. It doesn't get easier but you will be better because you've done it before. So it won't be double the trauma.
Wishing you all the best x

Thank you. I get so anxious regarding sleep and lack of it and how I will cope.I'm lucky in that I have support around me as well.