Misconception of middle child?!

[Lara151]

What is this misconception of a middle child, especially in 3 siblings? I hear it all the time, have seen comments on people saying they wouldn’t have 3 children because they don’t want a middle child?!?
I find it very insulting as I have 3 and would never want my middle one to hear this.
Sorry if this is on wrong topic.

As a middle child I would say it's not a misconception. There have been psychology papers written on the subject concerning certain traits and experiences of middle children.
It doesn't mean you and your family warrant managing your make all of your children feel equally valued.
If that's the he case then all I can say sincerely is well done.

Sorry, autocorrect disaster. Should read there it doesn't mean you aren't managing to make all children feel valued.

In my experience it's far from a misconception. Middle children are generally the most overlooked member of the family. Both my parents were middle children and suffered for it.

me and partner are middle children, we never had that problem, it’s actually quite insulting for children let’s just hope other middle children don’t grow up hearing this awful thing 😪

It's not a comment on the children, it's a comment on the parenting.

I agree OP

I've only come across it on MN
I must live in some weird bubble where loads of us either are one of 3 or have 3 dc or both, and it just isn't a trend I see.

In some families all the dc think one of the others is a favourite.
In other families all the dc think they are the favourite <-- Impressive parenting
In many families the dc realise parents just don't have favourites.

I'm a middle child, both my siblings were given family names, I wasn't. No children in a family have the same parents. Parents respond differently to their children based on the nature of that child, their economic situation could be different etc. Middle child syndrome is a proven thing and if you're a middle child and haven't been affected by being a middle child then you're possibly in the minority. My sister did a degree which included psychology, she told me a lot about middle child syndrome.

That's very sad that there is a minority, never felt it myself niethee has anyone I know but it really must be about the parenting, which is sad it's self

I wonder about this a fair bit at the mo. DS2 is newly the middle child - DD is 7 months old. He was the youngest for 4.5 years until she came along. As I see it at the mo, there is not a chance in hell that he could ever get overlooked. He is so effervescent and so different to his big brother. We have consciously been doing a lot of 1:1 with all the kids and I guess we will have to continue that, which will be a pleasure. DH and I basically spend our evenings talking about how great all the kids are and what they did that day 😂

I’ve never heard people talk about it, only the occasional middle children themselves saying about it. But the three middle child I’m thinking if were always the ‘favourite’ of one of the parents so it’s not all bad.

In my experience the youngest child is always talked about as being the worst 😂

We are both the middle of three and very different to our siblings, not really feeling as if we belonged. In both families the youngest was spoilt rotten. We both agreed that we would never, ever, have three children. We’ve asked several friends and acquaintances who are the middle one, over the years, and they all agree.

@Lara151 it does come down to parenting but it also comes down to them not understanding how things affected me. So my Mum would talk about how she baked and I said I don't remember that (she couldn't cook) and then she would say oh yes I was working full time with you but I baked with your sister as I was a sahm. In the end I did point out stuff to her like that, the family name and things like if I said I cannot believe I am 30 this year she would literally say oh my goodness that means my baby will be 29.

My Mum was lovely, just a bit thoughtless at times, she didn't think about how things look. ie my younger sister bought her one of those tell me about you books, so she diligently filled it in, all about her childhood, how she met my Dad, what she felt when she gave birth to the person who had bought her the book. We only found out about it after she had hand written everything in. Both me and my older sister asked her if she would do the same for us and she declared it way too much effort. We pointed out the hypocrisy. She was the baby of her family (large) and so the baby of our family got preferential treatment. That feeds into just not feeling special.

I am sure because you know about middle child syndrome you are not going to make your middle child feel less important. I am nearly 50 so my Mum, if she were alive, would have been mid 70s. It was a completely different time.

My husband is the middle of 3 and never felt that way.

I have a lot of friends also who are middle children and they have never felt that, it really just depends definitely should not be made a thing

..but just because you have lots of friends who haven't experienced it doesn't make it untrue. It's been studied quite a bit, enough so that it's got it's old name. I've seen it many times, though thankfully not in my family. If the parents work hard to individualize their children and support them they can avoid it. You're probably doing just fine.

It was a thing long before Mumsnet! There are many birth order studies which explore this and the other places of siblings. My mother and husband are both (endlessly hard done by 🤣) middle children. Neither she nor we had three children for that,(and other) reason.

Then that same comment applies the previous one about have friends and being a middle child themselves and having bad experiences doesn't make that true either, it's a very personal experience

But if you based it of studies about sibling order you would have problems about every child being either the youngest or oldest

I think if you're going to be the middle child it is essential to be the opposite sex to the other two.

Firstborn gets to be Firstborn with all the baggage that entails.
Youngest is the baby, and will always have that advantage.
Middle child needs to be 'the girl' or 'the boy' so as to have a definitive place/role.

Yeah, you do! Oldest children often suffer from extra pressure and responsibilities, middle children are overlooked and youngest children are babied and not given enough independence.

@Lara151 we had four so potentially two without a complex 🤣

Fair enough I suppose that one way around stereotypes

I am a middle child. I have the best relationship with my parents out of the 3 of us. BUT two of us are 20 months apart, our brother is 10 yrs younger (I'm the only female and feel this is why I have the best relationship as my brothers are typical blokes). So it wasn't right for us.

I have 3 (two teens and a baby) and again this doesn't apply to us. Middle DD probably has the most out of the 3 in terms of time and attention tbh.

I am a middle child of 3 and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me - I think you’re reading things the wrong way taking this as an insult to your middle child. But the dynamics growing up were very difficult and I certainly wouldn’t choose to have 3 children based on my own sibling and family experience. That’s because I wouldn’t want one of the children to have to experience being the middle child.