DH just told me he hates fatherhood

[Winniethepig]

We have two young children, 6mnths and 2.5 yrs old, and during an argument DH told me he hates fatherhood. He said he enjoys small aspects but on the whole finds it all unpleasant.

I feel so upset with hearing this. Its been a challenge with the terrible twos and our youngest has been the best sleeper. So we’re in the thick of it. I feel sad because while there are parts of parenting I can not stand I love my children and parenting them.

he’s generally not the happiest of people (I think he suffers from mild depression and has done for years, but will not seek help as he feels it doesn’t work for him)

I feel like leaving, and feel like it he uses words like hate when discussing his fatherhood he will probably always hate it. I don’t want my children around someone who hates parenting.

looking for stories / advice on this, will he more than likely always be like this or will he enjoy parenting more later when the children are out of their baby / toddler years?

I'm really sorry to hear this, op. I hope you have RL support.

Remember, it's not your job to fix your h's mental health. That's down to him.

I'm sorry OP. I think this should be the wake up call now to formally separate. He isn't going to get better and you can't force him to. You have a baby too who will be a toddler one day so you'd be subjecting your children to years more of this and it sounds like his behaviour is just escalating

FWIW a year after my ex husband walked out as he couldn't cope with family life and our young children as his behaviour and resentment and anger was beginning to escalate he is a different person around the kids now (well who wouldn't be when he only sees them for a couple of hours at a time and doesn't do any of the hard bits of parenting)

It makes my bloody blood boil to watch him enjoy being a father now - in a loose sense of the word - for the little time he sees them but they are at least safe from his previous dislike of them

Why is everyone feeling sorry for the OP's husband?

He isn't sleep deprived as some are suggesting;he doesn't do night wakings;she does them all.

The whole "I can't cope with the baby" is so very manipulative;the OP gets no time off whatsoever but he does?;come on now.

He's just another blooming entitled selfish bloke who's got buyers regret after because a dad so dumps all the responsibility onto his exhausted wife.

As for his mental health;there seems to be a common theme on here with depressive men who won't take responsibility for their mental health and do something about it;it's such a cop out.The whole "anti depressants won't help me" is a cliche.

Women are not rehab centres for damaged/selfish/lazy men.

I think a lot of women share the same view of parenting as your husband, only they lack the honesty to admit it.

Or the selfishness to abandon their children

So true!

Or leave their wives to cope with it all and say get a babysitter then, I can't do it.

Don't leave him OP. He is just being honest. Parenting the early years is a hard slog, regardless of the parent's gender.

My DC are nearly grown now, but if I had my time again I would slow right down and just enjoy every moment and ignore DH venting. DC are precious. Unfortunately the pressures of modern wage-earning create stress and prevent you from slowing down. IME men find this harder to cope with than women do.

Did you miss the OP's last post that he shouted so loud at their 3 year old that the neighbour CALLED THE POLICE?????

Are you mad? "Dont leave him"? You should be ruddy ashamed of yourself saying say. Don't leave a verbally abusive man who thinks that is acceptable and rather than feel bad and stop his behavior, he calls the NSPCC and lies (it appears) thus wasting their time.

Gobsmacked and horrified at your post