Baby won't go in crib or be put down

[GlitteryGreen]

Really hoping for some advice from people who have come out the other side of this 🤞

I have an 8 week old baby and she just wants to be on me all the time. She cries if she's put down and wakes within minutes if I put her down to sleep, in her Next to Me, Moses basket or even her S

Are you breastfeeding?

Co-sleep

My first baby was like this. I ended up using a sling in the day and co-sleeping at night. It's hard, but he did eventually learn to sleep on his own.

Sorry, posted accidentally!

...or even in her Sleepyhead. We have ended up reluctantly co-sleeping because otherwise one of us has to sit up holding her and we just end up knackered. It stresses me massively though. She is constantly rolling onto her side to get closer to me or to feed. She is laying next to me on her side as we speak, even after I just rolled her back a couple of minutes ago.

Even during waking hours she spends the majority of the time crying, to the point where I'm glad if she ends up sleeping through visits to people - in her car seat, she can sometimes stay asleep in that for a while after a journey - as when other people hold her she usually just cries and they have to hand her back to me within a couple of minutes. This is the case even with her dad. Even with me, I often end up resorting to feeding her again as she sometimes becomes really hysterical and it's the only way I can calm her.

I am just at a loss with it, I feel like everything is just spiralling out of my control. I don't want to cosleep but I am, and I'm also carrying her round with me every minute of the day unless it's to have a quick shower or similar. I even have to eat dinner feeding her because she just screams when I put her anywhere - even in her bouncer. DP says I'm pandering but he also gets annoyed with her crying because she just gets worse and worse so I feel like I can't win.

The health visitor said to practice putting her down to sleep during the day but I can only put her down asleep as otherwise she cries relentlessly, and even if I do this she's awake in minutes and I'm back to square one.

I have a babybjorn carrier but she just cries in that around the house too. We are in a flat so also don't bring the pram in so can't use that to rock her either.

Help 😩

Ps. Yes I am breastfeeding

No advice sorry, just came to say I'm in the same position with a 9 week old. I've ended up contact napping through the day, he will nap in a sling sometimes in his pram if we are out but not always. We co-sleep at night I know it's not recommended and I feel terribly guilty for it, hoping to be able to move him into his next to me crib eventually

I could have literally written what you have just posted even done to being relieved if he sleeps through visitors, my baby also cries if other people hold him that includes Dad!

if you want to chat and support each other pm me :)

My daughter contact slept for 10 months for every sleep. Then started taking naps in the pushchair. It was nearer to 2 that she started sleeping in her cot. I gradually got her used to it with me on an air bed next to her etc. Now at 2.5 she sleeps in cot every night and mostly all night sometimes a wake up. Some kids just like to be close and do better with gradual reassurance you're still there. My son was happy in his cot from the start. All kids are different just go with it it it's a lot less stressful!

@Starpop that's so sad that you feel guilty. You are sacrificing your comfort and deep sleep to provide your baby with what they need. You should feel proud. If you were living somewhere else it would be the norm remember that! Think about all the mammals... Where are their babies... Certainly not in a different den/cave etc.

Thanks @Starpop , sorry to hear you're going through the same.

It's so stressful, even a visit to grandparents is so fraught because she just screams when they hold her and it's impossible to even sit down to lunch.

She has only recently got to the point of allowing me to hold her without immediately feeding her, but I still have her in my arms 99% of the day and it's so hard to do anything at all.

It's so tough and makes me not even want to leave the house.

She has acid burn - everyone you put her down the acid rises and burns - milk soothe the burn

she sleeps in her chair because she’s upright and not suffering

raise the head of the cot / use a pillow for nappy chances do not lie her flat! Head above stomach at all times, and you see a different baby in 2 days

This will get better I promise! I had the exact same with my DD and then all of a sudden one night she just settled in her Moses basket. Health visitors will say not to do it but the trick that seemed to finally work was to roll up a blanket- think the thin ones they give them in hospital- and place at each side of the Moses basket and have little one in the middle, they like to feel the closeness. Also I'm not sure if it actually helped but I put a T-shirt I'd worn over the Moses basket mattress like a sheet. I know it feels like hell now and the Co-sleeping can be scary but it will change. Have you tried waiting until DD has been asleep for around 30mins in bed with you to try placing in moses/next to me? Might not work but if you're like I was you'll give anything a go! X

I had similar. I practiced the "Safe Sleep Seven" bought an Owlet sock to monitor baby's breathing and just got as much sleep as I could. I wish I'd embraced it earlier because once I did I was so much better rested and having a baby was much lovelier.

I'd also recommend visiting a sling library for get one you both feel comfortable in for round the house.

Baby is in the fourth trimester and just wants to be close to their mummy. It's a natural instinct and will pass with time.

You might find the La Leche League book "Sweet Sleep" really helpful, I certainly did.

Thank you that's a kind reply x

Keep trying the crib and different things - it will eventually work. Get an owlet sock to help feel less worried about co sleeping risks.

At first our baby wouldn’t sleep in the next to me crib, and we had to always co sleep, but then tried putting the Moses basket in the crib which worked sometimes.

We persevered (partly because she spits up on me and the bed sheets!) and she’s ok with the crib now.
We can now usually get her down for her first stretch of the night in the crib, then the second (and sometimes third) stretch I try but often end up having to co sleep still (though that’s getting better all the time). I find a hot water bottle helps at bedtime, and I make sure she’s asleep before transferring her. If she stirs I’ll give her chance to settle and only pick her up if she cries.

She’s lying on me now after feeding and being in the crib all night, but I will probably let her co sleep for a couple of hours now as it’s nearly morning.

In the daytime, I try to get her in the Moses basket for at least one nap a day. That takes a bit of effort and I usually have to rock the basket after putting her in it. If I have to do things I either pop her in rocker chair or on play gym mat. That only gives me a few minutes before she starts crying but I am a little more relaxed about letting her cry for a couple of minutes while I go to the loo and make a cup of tea etc.

Keep persevering and things will gradually improve. Good luck.

I had same thing I would sleep with baby on me (but not sleep and felt awful) it’s difficult but had to be consistent, keep trying the cot they will soon get used to it.

Next to me will take your weight. I used to bf, one arm above baby, bf to sleep then slowly inch back once asleep. I mean like 1 much per 5 minutes.

Nothing is spiralling. It’s all ok and 100% normal. We all have a picture of what having a baby is like and it can be incredibly unnerving with your first, having all your control thrown out of the window. But it gets better. And eventually you realise that having a baby has taught you a lot about life and it’s uncertainties!

I would advise a trip to a cranial osteopath, babies can be uncomfy after birth and this really helped mine to be more settled.

also try telling yourself that this is just for now. It does get easier. My 6 year old still
falls asleep next to me but then sleeps for 12 blissful hours. You can never predict what will happen with a baby and child but adopting a relaxed approach really does help (not easy with hormones and a new baby and lack of sleep though!)

good luck x

I had DC2 like this. Stretchy wrap sling is better than a baby born for wearing round the house. I also ended up co-sleeping although I never intended to. It was the only way to get any sleep. DH went to another rom and I used to lie on my side facing her. If she woke up for a feed in the night, I just switched her to the other side.

To the PP who said they feel guilty for cosleeping - please don't.

Cosleeping has been a godsend for me. Velcro baby who hated his cot, he's now nearly two and can sleep alone though we often jump in his double bed with him if he's unsettled.

Cosleeping is safe if you follow the guidelines and can actually get you some sleep! Do not worry about it!

My daughter was exactly like this. I took her to an osteopath when she was 9 weeks old because I noticed her arms were really stiff and their movement seemed restricted compared to other babies her age, especially on one side. She had shoulder dystocia at birth so I think that was why. One of the things the osteopath asked me was “does she tend to roll on to her side when you put her down?”. Anyway that made an instant difference and I was able to start putting her down in her crib for short periods and she was much happier in her pram bassinet and started to take long naps while out walking. Maybe something worth considering. Or maybe try baby massage or baby yoga (you can get videos on YouTube).

Believe it or not there will come a time when you miss how much they needed you (mostly when you spend your whole life either trying to catch them or being deeply suspicious when they are being quiet!)

PS: please tell your DH that the notion of pandering to a baby is total nonsense!

Someone else has probably already said, but this is completely normal. Really hard and overwhelming, but normal. Have you read about the fourth trimester? Might explain why your baby wants to be with you all the time and doesn't like being held by others.

I think your DH's comment about pandering to the baby is a bit troubling. They are a tiny baby, they haven't got the brain capacity to manipulate you and you aren't going to teach them the "wrong" thing if you pick them up and care for them.

Sarah Ockwell-Smith is a good source for child development and regarding sleep, Lyndsey Hookway.

It's super hard, but my advice is lean in to it as much as possible to make things as easy as possible for yourself. I never wanted to co-sleep either, but it saved us, just make sure you follow the lullaby trust safe sleep guidelines. Listen to your instincts, it's so easy to get caught up and confused listening to what other people say you should do.

Completely normal! You're all they know so they want to be as close to you as possible. Co-sleeping was the way to go as it made for easier feeds during the night and I can could get some rest then. I let him sleep on me during the day, I struggled to put him down aswell. It is tough, it's a massive adjustment but it doesn't go on forever 💗

Is she hungry? I had two weeks of this when baby was around 2 months old. Would only sleep if I paced around with the pram and woke up immediately if I stopped. Cried constantly, fed constantly, only wanted me. I had a baby scales so I weighed all her feeds for 24 hours and poor thing was only getting half what she needed. Turns out my supply had dropped. Started combi feeding and she was happy out again. I thought it was cluster feeding and that it was a phase but I was wrong.

Thanks everyone, I suppose it's a relief that it seems to be normal in some ways.

We are actually looking into the cranial osteopath as I've heard good reports and she did have an instrumental birth where they turned her with the ventouse and then pulled her out, so could be something there.

I don't think she's hungry as she feeds often but I guess I haven't ever monitored it? I'm not great at expressing though so could be part of it.

Just really hoping whatever it is changes soon, it's so draining not to even be able to put her down for 10 mins to eat dinner without her crying relentlessly. We've got lunch today with family who are coming to meet her and I'm dreading it.

My experience (a bit old now) was always that they started to settle at 9-12 weeks. I think it's that early bit which is hardest. Also, I have a clear memory of putting down ds , who yelled as much as the next baby, because I needed to change and feed my toddler dd. He wasn't pleased but he got used to it. Oddly, it didn't seem quite as hard for me (rather than him), probably because I was thinking that dd needed to eat and be dry too, so his majesty needed to wait.