Baby won't go in crib or be put down

[GlitteryGreen]

Really hoping for some advice from people who have come out the other side of this 🤞

I have an 8 week old baby and she just wants to be on me all the time. She cries if she's put down and wakes within minutes if I put her down to sleep, in her Next to Me, Moses basket or even her S

Have you tried a dummy? It has been a complete game changer for us. My son would cry if I put him down and was constantly trying to get on my boob whenever I held him, even if he'd just had a massive feed, so I knew it was more of a comfort thing at times. I'll now give him a dummy if I'm satisfied he's not hungry and he will stay in a basket or crib quite peacefully without crying, just sucking on his dummy. He has even gotten himself off to sleep with it (he'd only ever fallen asleep in my arms after a feed before then). It has been amazing. I really can't believe the difference. I know some babies just won't take a dummy (my son took a few goes at first) but might be worth a try if you haven't given it a go.

Yep, the dummy changed our lives too. After we brought him home from the hospital we managed three days of staying up with our son all night before my husband was basically broken from it. On the fourth night we bought a dummy and our son actually started sleeping in his moses basket. It felt like a miracle.

I completely agree re the dummy, I think it would help her but she has never accepted one yet. We've tried about 6 different ones so far 🙈

We haven't been super persistent though so I'm trying again now a bit more thoroughly. It's weird because she happily took a bottle straight away.

@GlitteryGreen Hopefully you will find one that she will take. I really don't know how we would have kept going without it. My son kept spitting it out initially so I tried keeping my hand a centimetre or so away from the dummy and gently pushed it back towards him when he did it. I didn't hold it in his mouth or force him to take it, and if he really didn't want it I took it away and tried again later, but with a bit of gentle encouragement he started to keep it in. I also put a bit of breast milk on to get his attention.

We have had some issues with it as he wakes up more frequently now (I think when the dummy falls out). We did have him sleeping for 4-5 hours at night once we had managed to get him down, but he now wakes every couple of hours or so. So it is much harder in that respect but to be honest the respite from being able to get him settled so much easier and actually being able to go to the toilet without him crying is worth the slightly more broken sleep! Good luck x

@TheBirdintheCave It's crazy the difference isn't it? I didn't really want to use a dummy and held off for 4 weeks (I'm breastfeeding and was worried about it affecting that) but honestly don't know how we got through that long without one now. Those weeks seem like a bit of a blur! I do worry about whether we have made a rod for our own backs when we try and stop using it in a few months, but future me can deal with that drama, current me is just going to enjoy the break from crying! 😂

@redlou123 Yeah it's been so great :) I couldn't breastfeed so for us it helped with my son's need to suckle for comfort. He's very nearly two now and we're down to just having the dummy for sleeping. Hopefully we'll introduce the idea of the dummy fairy soon and will be able to say goodbye to it :)

She sounds hungry.

@redlou123 Yes I'm doing the same, just leaving my hand there as a buffer to it falling out. She will suck on it for a little while so hopefully she might start taking to it.

I was reluctant to use one at first too because I had one myself for quite a while and my mum said it was hard to get me to give it up, but quite honestly I'd rather deal with that problem than relentless screaming 🙈

Normal and I didn't believe. When people said it was. Because sleep deprivation is terrible. Mine suddenly started sleeping and being happier about 5 months.

I'm in the same boat with my 5 week old, I wrote a post on here yesterday.

We've got an osteopath booked at the end of the month of the advice of the infant feeding midwife after I spoke to her yesterday.

I managed to get a few hours last night with dd in our bed but no pillows or covers. She went in her bedside crib for about 5 minutes before waking up so I managed to get dressed this morning. Im just going to persevere picking her up soothing her and putting her back down but it's really hard. She just likes to be on me.
At one point last night she was on me while I was soothing her and I dozed off. She managed to slip off me onto the mattress, I knew straight away as I wasn't fully asleep but it's so dangerous but equally so difficult to stay awake in a dark quiet room. After that I decided I would lay down with her on the mattress straight after a feed as it's safer than trying to soothe her on me then try and transfer to the crib and repeat the cycle.

Tonight is a new night and we will keep on trying.
She was very unsettled yesterday so we wonder if she was in pain as she had her tongue tie snipped Monday and this morning she's woke up with an infection in her finger. Last night was never going to go well after such a rough day. She seems more settled today fingers crossed for tonight.

This sounds so tough, my boy was a terrible sleeper from about 4mo - 8mo so I know how hard it is operating as a zombie all day.
As everyone has mentioned there could be a number of things like hunger, tummy/digestive issues, need to suck etc.
I'd definitely give the osteopath a go and perhaps see a feeding specialist to help with any latch issues with breastfeeding.
I would also look to get a night nanny a couple of times a week for the next month, they will be a total pro and no doubt have a solution. You'll still need to get up to feed but they'll take care of the rest and hopefully have baby sleeping in the cot. Will be expensive but well worth skipping a holiday next year to get the sleep under control.

Good luck xx

It feels so cruel that we are so unprepared as a society for babies to be like this. Before having one, we just don’t know what it’s like. And it really can be brutal. I had one that let me put him down a bit then the next one was exactly as you describe. Screamed all the time unless I was feeding him. Never slept a night in that next to me or any cot. Screamed if his daddy even looked at him.

I have found that acceptance helps. Trusting that it won’t be forever (even though it feels like it) and surrounding yourself, on social media at least, with resources that will reassure you. Another vote for Sarah Ockwell-Smith and Lyndsey Hookway here. Some of the IBCLCs are great for info on sleep and normal infant behaviour too.

Thank you, I do follow the guidelines set out by the lullaby trust but can't help but feel guilty when it's been absolutely drummed in about safe sleep and baby to be in their Moses/ cot. Hello from a fellow Velcro baby Momma

Read this book. :) it is not long, it helped me a lot to come to terms with baby sleep.

Hi OP, I know this thread is old but I'm in a similar position and just wondered how you got on in the end? Any advice for what worked for you and baby?

Hey @Delamo

It's mad reading this thread back now when my baby is about to turn 1! You forget how rough these days were.

She really turned a corner around Christmas (3 months) with the crying and even more so when she turned 6 months. She's a happy girl now 😊 Never did accept a dummy.

With the sleeping, I just gave into it and held her every time...it was less stressful than putting her down and having her wake up within minutes. I used to sit holding her sleeping all evening and then take her through and cosleep..it was the only way I could get some sleep myself. There were periods where she used to wake every hour (sometimes every 30 mins 😱) but she has improved as she grew and now she's sleeping OK (sometimes sleeps through, sometimes a quick resettle needed). It took a while for her to master side feeding, but now she does it easily so I rarely ever have to actually sit up and hold her during the night.

I managed to change it gradually and start putting her down from when she was about 8 months (I know this will sound like forever away for you!). Eventually it got to the point where I could get her to sleep and then put her down on the sofa while we watched TV in the evenings. It sounds mad but I used to do a bedtime routine with her the bedroom and then bring her back through when she was asleep so I could rest a hand on her when she stirred. We did this for a few weeks, and then the next step was get her to sleep in the bedroom and leave her sleeping on our bed, with the monitor on & bed guard up. This is where we are now.

We still cosleep but I think she would accept being laid in her cot now, just need to move the mattress down. Planning to take this next step shortly as now she's crawling and pulling herself up so if she wakes properly in the night she's quite difficult to contain.

Looking back now I'd say honestly don't stress about getting your little one in his/her cot or getting to accept being put down anywhere...just do whatever makes it easiest for you because honestly it will pass. It was easiest for me to sit and feed her all evening and then let her sleep on me, at least I got a bit of an evening and was able to watch TV, have dinner (that I could eat with one hand), have a cup of tea etc.

Nowadays she sleeps in the bedroom all evening and I watch her on the monitor, go in if she wakes up and get her off to sleep again, and then leave her. It's what I imagined it would be from the start....just took a while to get here!

Hope you're OK, I know it's rough when you feel like you've got no control over it at all x

Wow thanks for taking the time replying, really appreciate it and it's given me some hope, I keep reminding myself everything is a phase and will eventually change! I'll try some things you mentioned

That's a fabulous update, @GlitteryGreen ! Sounds like you handled your baby brilliantly 👏👏

@Delamo No problem, I searched sooo many threads when I was going through it and never saw many updates from down the line so I'm glad to be able to update this one!

I honestly think putting her on the sofa and being able to rest a hand on her whenever she startled or rolled around helped the transition from always sleeping in arms to sleeping flat on a bed. But even that took a while to get to, before that she'd wake every single time I tried to put her down, so it did take me a long time to start trying. The stress of them waking up again is too much at times 😅 But eventually she got big enough that I felt a bit claustrophobic stuck under her so she had to go 🙈. Just laid her on a nice smooth blanket in her sleeping bag and she was happy there.

At times I considered sleep training once she was a few months old but she'd cry so much when I put her down awake that I just couldn't do it.

@Thelonelygiraffe Ah thanks 😊