Can we sleep safely with 5 wk old baby on me

[fairgame84]

DD is 5 weeks old, term baby, breastfed with top ups due to poor feeding (tongue tie, snipped yesterday).
Since Friday she has decided that she will only sleep on me. She won't sleep in the cot and she won't sleep at the side of me in the bed, she has to be on me.
I'm worried about sids so hardly had any sleep over the past few days.
I've tried all the usually swaddling, sleeping bags, dummies, transferring her to the crib awake, drowsy and asleep. Warming the crib, putting in a boundary etc etc.

This is day and night. She won't sleep in her rocker now and won't go in the sling.

I think I'm just going to have to ride it out but can I sleep with her on me safely?
I currently prop myself up on pillows so I'm upright and I only have the duvet up to my waist so it's not over her.
She likes to be tummy to tummy with her head on my chest.

Have you tried feeding lying down?
Will she sleep on the other parent so that you can take it in turns to sleep, but the one with her is awake?

(Sorry, I meant to add if there is another parent)

Sorry OP but I personally would say no there is no way. I am not anti co sleeping in the slightest and did it with both of mine. But falling asleep with the baby on you is one of the biggest causes of SID (according to my midwife at the time anyway).
I do appreciate how hard it is. My first was very much the same and me and DH literally took it in turns to sleep. Is this an option for you?

She can sleep on you, you should not sleep with her on you.

I think we might have to make a plan of us doing shifts with her.
I keep trying to put her in the crib but she's just not happy.
Please tell me this is a phase and a fast passing one!

Me and my husband did shifts.
Baby always on me but if I was asleep, he was awake and sat with us/watching us.
When she got to 4 months then she would lie next to me with me!
It's hard going, sending 💐

My first DD was like this, looking back I wonder if she was in pain (difficult delivery). Is the tongue tie snip site ok, no signs of infection or anything?

No, it's not safe for you to sleep with the baby on you.
It will pass, but for now maybe your DH has to be awake when you sleep and vice versa. Keep persevering with trying to get them to sleep near but not on you.

No, no way OP. Far too dangerous and you being sleep-deprived is even more dangerous.

She's 5 weeks old, there is no 'She will only do X'. She will do what you condition her to do. I remember with my first I was terrified to deviate from the easiest thing, but with my second I had to do what I had time for - and that was to put him down, awake, in his cot, warm, dry and fed. Then I had to see to his older DB. And you know what? He learned to fall asleep that way. Please don't make a rod for your back with a 5-week-old. Yes, she will cry when you first put her down. But keep persisting. Return to reassure her that you're still there, even if she can't feel you. You need to get your baby into habits that you can live with and her only being able to sleep on you does not fall into that category!

No, not safe at all. There have been a few of these posts recently and it surprises me how many people choose to do this. Sleep deprivation sucks. Death of a child sucks even more. Try swaddling?

My third was like this (also tongue tie). I co slept in the end by feeding her lying down. She had no problem falling asleep but as soon as I moved her she'd wake, be sick and need feeding to sleep again. Ps it did pass and she began loving her cot to the point she never slept in our bed again.

Exactly this. If she is calm, or fussing, or even lightly crying leave her in the cot (even if awake). If she is very upset, pick her up, rock her until she’s calm but awake then put her down again. She will learn to go to sleep in the cot!

DH worked away 6 days a week. No family within 300 miles. I had to do whatever it took to get enough sleep to function.

DD slept on me for 4 months. It was planned (to minimise SIDS risk, I constructed a safe support out of pillows to ensure my head was elevated and my arms were supported to hold her in place. I wore fleecy pyjamas and a light duvet tucked in at the end of a bed that couldn’t be pulled up over more than her legs. (Autumn baby.)

I expressed all of her milk so there was no sleeping breastfeeding going on. We would wake whenever she needed feeding and I would warm her bottle and give it to her before pumping the next one and then settle back to sleep.

It was what worked for us. She’s now a very healthy and happy 12 year old.

(She was a forceps delivery and they gripped her so hard that she has permanent dents in her cheekbones. I think it genuinely hurt her to be laid down as it was the only time she ever cried.)

This is extremely unsafe, and while it worked for you it shouldn’t be a recommendation for anyone else. People have fallen asleep like this and smothered their babies, please do not do this

Try side feeding her.

I fell asleep feeding or holding mine on my chest, didn’t mean to but she wouldn’t go in the next to me, make sure you are really upright, nothing around that can cause suffocation, pillows or duvets.

as soon as we both worked out side feeding it was fine, she would fall asleep feeding next to me and then I could roll her on to her back once done.

And please don't listen to the posters who are saying 'I did it and it was fine'. They got lucky. There is no guarantee that you will. The safest place for a baby to sleep is in a cot, on their back, in approved baby sleepwear. On you or your DH or anyone else is not safe!!

I would put her in her cot warm and fed and just leave her before I would go to sleep with my baby on me. It won't kill her to cry.

I didn’t recommend it.

I made it as safe as it could be. It was safer than falling down the stairs with her or crashing my car with her in it or falling asleep on the sofa with her unplanned. At 4 months she started the night off in a hammock.

This worked for me/us.

Newborn babies generally want to be held, not laid flat.

I met the biological Imperative.

All that stress hormone flowing around a tiny baby left to cry can’t be good for brain development…..

If she falls asleep on you (while you lie flat on your back) can you roll her off you and see if she'll stay asleep lying next to you? Make the bed safe for co-sleeping of course.

Sleep deprivation is pure hell. But you can't sleep with her on you - we had a baby like this and we had to do shifts. She's still a crap sleeper at 6 months but she does at least go in the cot (albeit not for very long).

Given that OP is asking for advice on safe sleeping with her baby who wants to be held I’m not sure I understand why you’re giving anecdotes of very unsafe sleeping options. Plenty of newborn babies sleep laid flat, and the advice is that for a good reason.

I have been there OP. I tried laying down feeding her which did take a period of adjustment but we grasped it after a little while and then I could roll away from her to sleep when she had finished.
We co slept from birth but I made sure the quilt was waist height and no pillows. DD was in a her sleep bag. It’s challenging especially when you’re in the pits of sleep deprivation but persevere with trying the laying down method - it is safer for you to both fall asleep that way. I’m pregnant with my second now and already nervous about those hard early days! Good luck I’m sure you’re doing a fab job.

There is a huge difference between a cot and sleeping on you. Sleeping on you with you asleep is a huge no, take it in turns with partner. But do-sleeping safely or a next to me cot are options. Not sleeping on you.

You can safely co sleep, but not with baby on you! Firm mattress, no duvets or pillows near baby, no alcohol and never on the sofa. Particularly for ebf babies, co sleeping is not nearly as dangerous as some like to think. And people often confuse the 2, but suffocation /= SIDS!