Can we sleep safely with 5 wk old baby on me

[fairgame84]

DD is 5 weeks old, term baby, breastfed with top ups due to poor feeding (tongue tie, snipped yesterday).
Since Friday she has decided that she will only sleep on me. She won't sleep in the cot and she won't sleep at the side of me in the bed, she has to be on me.
I'm worried about sids so hardly had any sleep over the past few days.
I've tried all the usually swaddling, sleeping bags, dummies, transferring her to the crib awake, drowsy and asleep. Warming the crib, putting in a boundary etc etc.

This is day and night. She won't sleep in her rocker now and won't go in the sling.

I think I'm just going to have to ride it out but can I sleep with her on me safely?
I currently prop myself up on pillows so I'm upright and I only have the duvet up to my waist so it's not over her.
She likes to be tummy to tummy with her head on my chest.

Have a look at the safe sleep 7 and the lullaby trust website. You are much safer to plan to cosleep than to do it accidentally.

I co-slept with both my children when they were babies. They are now 19 and 17yrs old and very independent.

I was shown by a midwife how to feed baby on my side and sleep safely with her. I had surgergy after labour with my first and needed recovery time.

Do whatever is best for you and your family. Good luck.

I've never tried feeding her on my side because she's had a poor latch I've always fed with cross cradle hold. I might give side feeding a try.

To answer pp, we've tried swaddling but she hates it.
It's not because of tongue tie snip because that was only done yesterday and she's been like this since Friday.
We only pick her up when she is properly crying which doesn't take long.
I've looked at the lullaby trust website and made a space on the mattress for her to sleep on but she still wasn't happy.

We won't be leaving her crying. We will comfort her and keep putting her back.

I think I'm in for a rough night tonight because she's been cluster feeding at the breast all day so I might as well go for putting her in the crib since she'll probably be up all night anyway.

My youngest was like this for the first 8 weeks and it was brutal. DH and I slept in shifts, me 11pm - 3am then him 3 -7am before getting up for our 4yo. It was really hard but it did pass. I used a sling during the day and she did eventually start napping a little in it while I got stuff done, and a few times my mum came over at lunchtime while DH worked and held her so I could sleep for an hour or two. Please don't risk sleeping with baby on you, if you can just get through a few more weeks I'm sure it'll pass, baby just wants to be close to you!

People will say no because it’s not safe sleep, and I agree, but I slept this way a lot as I had no other option.

one night I was so desperate I tied a thin head scarf kinda thing round me and the baby (a bit like a sling but not near her face) to make sure she didn’t roll. The thought horrifies me now but in the depth of sleep deprivation I had to do it, it was making me ill.

The fourth trimester is so hard, and a lot harder for some people than others and they won’t truly understand how hard it is until they’ve experienced it themselves. My baby had severe reflux and didn’t sleep for more then 10 mins laid in her cot or next to me, on her front, upright, was our only option

I hope you manage to get some sleep soon x

People suggested co sleeping a lot to me, but I think at that age they aren’t even aware they’re next to you so it’s not much of a comfort unless they’re asleep on you. She didn’t settle next to me till she was about 4 months

No I really wouldn’t. My baby was like this for the first two months of her life, wouldn’t ever sleep if not on us. We decided on shifts and took it in turns.

I'm not going to say what I did with my first, because he was poorly and we went against the guidelines.

My second though, she also had a tongue tie cut at day 4, and from then I mastered side laying feeding and we still co sleep like this now. It takes some practice. We follow the safe sleep 7. I wear pj bottoms and socks, nothing on top so she doesn't wake me properly to feed anymore, and i have a small blanket wrapped around me to my waist, and a pillow on my side only. She wears a sleeping bag. She used to prefer to fall asleep on me, and back then I did the hug and roll very slowly to pop her down gradually, possibly taking 20 minutes to get her there. I would leave my arm there for skin contact, which helped her stay down. These days (9 months) she feeds until drowsy and then gets me to put her down, and she rolls away with her back to me.

Hi Op, what I did was I put my DD in my robe in the night, I tied the belt around her. In the day time I put her inside my hoody and zipped up (wearing my hubby's). We both slept like this many times.

Oh my god this is SO dangerous, please please do not do this!

I can’t believe this thread, some awful, stupid advice on here honestly

The same principal as a sling. You need to know what you are doing. Trust me she was 100% safe

No she wasn’t, you were lucky but 1) it’s not the same as a sling (far more fabric) and 2) you should never sleep with them in a sling anyway

A baby can sleep on you but you can’t sleep at the same time, that’s really unsafe.

Hi Op, what I did was I put my DD in my robe in the night, I tied the belt around her. In the day time I put her inside my hoody and zipped up (wearing my hubby's). We both slept like this many times.

Holy fuck, nooo nobody do this! I hope this isn’t serious.

You'd probably be safer putting her face down in the cot than sleeping with her on you! And I wouldn't recommend that TBH.

Get a dummy for her if you haven't already.

I didn't BF either of mine, but around 5/6 weeks seemed to be the peak of night waking. They definitely do cluster feed around this time.

I completely agree with this. Bed sharing can be safe but what you are describing really isn’t.

I did with both of mine, I couldn't lay down for a couple of weeks after either c section. I proped myself up on pillows and they slept on the breast. My first needed to sleep on me for all or part of the night for her first 8 months. (Now sleeps a solid 11 hours a night, thank fuck)

Obviously your goal is to transition baby to sleeping in the cot but for the meantime perhaps invest in an Owlet sock or similar device to monitor heart rate and blood oxygen levels. Just as a fail safe back up until you manage to get her sleeping more safely.

I sympathise. Having a newborn who won't sleep is very hard. My dd1 was not a good sleeper. I bf her and very occasionally fell asleep with her on me and I'd wake up terrified some harm would come to her. For my own peace of mind I wanted her in the moses basket on her back as per the safe sleep guidance. She didn't settle easily and I'd have to soothe her. We had a dream sheep which helped too. I would persevere with getting baby in the cot if possible so you know they are safe. My dd1 is 9 now and sleeps brilliantly. It does pass but it is so hard at the time..

I used to bf lying on my side. Ds slept and so did I.

I used an owlet for dd when she was in with me and I was bf

I know this will be controversial but my son slept on my chest from birth for 2/3 months. I put pillows around us to make it feel secure/confident we wouldn't move, propped my head and upper chest up on pillows. I breast fed too. I know I don't move in my sleep, tend to sleep a bit like I'm in a coffin. Anyway it worked for us. I will add that we live in Switzerland and perhaps things are done slightly differently here, I can only base it on my experience. I had a c section and spent 8 days in hospital. From day 1 my son slept in the bed with me. The midwives arranged the pillows in the bed so that he could sleep with me. At no point did they say it was unsafe.
I would do the same thing again. Yes I was terrified about the risk of SIDs but all the midwives I encountered here did not express any concern about co sleeping.

I had four non-sleepers who would only fall asleep on me. It’s horrific.

You mustn’t sleep sitting up with pillows. It’s very dangerous. In my job I go to inquests a lot and there are more babies than you think who die because they’ve fallen between pillows and cushions.

The most important thing you can do is to not drink or smoke at all and take no drugs. Lie down on your side, no duvets or pillows. Put the baby’s head in the crook of your arm lying side on on the mattress (much further down than you’d imagine, so they’re reaching up for your nipple) and feed to sleep like that. You can then either slowly move them away on to their back or stay like that. If your arm is out around the back of the baby then it’s almost physically impossible to roll in their direction. I’ve never once rolled on to a baby in ten years of feeding (not all years were for the same baby!).

Obvs none of this is ideal but nobody can physically stay awake all night indefinitely.

Fucking hell

It’s too risky.
One of my DC did have silent reflux though. Have you considered that she likes sleeping head elevated above feet due to silent reflux? We had a wedge we placed under the fitted sheet of their cot. Similar to you, they preferred to sleep on my chest with me semi-reclined, but it wasn’t me that was the key need it was the need to not be flat on their back due to silent reflux.

We had a next to me style crib, but it was more flush with our bed, so I'd sleep with the baby tucked in the crook of my arm, and later armpit, so she still felt like she was on me, but she was in the crib, and me the bed. If I rolled, I'd be stopped by the wooden edges of the crib, and I had SPD so badly in pregnancy that my body had got used to being utterly stationary (I physically couldn't move in my sleep whilst pregnant, and it took many months before I started again).

Not ideal, but better at least than tying the baby to myself.