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Original poster

CSA reduced

55 replies

Creamte · 14/11/2022 10:53

CSA have been in touch to say the payments are reducing to £60 a month from my ex partner from £150 can he do this? We split nearly 2 years ago and have 1x DD 50/50 but ultimately he chose to leave the family home.

He’s shacked up with somebody else, why shouldn’t he still pay £150 a month? AIBU?

OP posts:
WeepingSomnambulist · 14/11/2022 11:57

Why do you think he should be paying more?
You earn the same. You have the child for the same time each.

Wait, do you think child maintenance is a punishment? Do you think it's for your hurt feelings?
It's the support a child. It's to ensure that one parent contributes even if they dont look after the child much. That isnt what is happening here. You dont need it.

Wf45dk · 14/11/2022 11:57

You earn the same, you claim child benefit. You have the kids equally... why on earth do you think he's due to pay you anything at all?

Original poster
Creamte · 14/11/2022 12:00

Is that just what’s done? If you split up the family you pay?

she’s got her own clothes and toys at each house, she’s 7, she waits for him at the door and leaves and is delivered back to the door. She doesn’t take a bag or anything, she never brings toys and clothes back so he isn’t really providing for her is he.

OP posts:

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MrsKeats · 14/11/2022 12:03

Bloody hell op listen to what people are saying.
In a 50/50 child arrangement you aren't entitled to anything.

Wf45dk · 14/11/2022 12:08

It's not compensation for hurt feelings. It's for when one parent is absent, to go towards housing, food, clothing for the child. You are each providing equally in terms of housing, food, clothing so nothing is due to be paid. I'm not sure why he's been told to give you anything at all.

My partner's ex wife is the one who split up their marriage when she cheated on him. She earns around 25k and he is on 65k so despite him having the kids more, he pays her maintenance because he wants the kids to have a decent standard of living at her house. But if he was to stop it tomorrow, that would be okay because he has the kids 4 nights a week vs her 3, including most of the weekend every weekend.

It's just how it is.

I think you need to stop trying to financially punish him for moving on.

Coraline353 · 14/11/2022 12:13

Creamte · 14/11/2022 12:00

Is that just what’s done? If you split up the family you pay?

she’s got her own clothes and toys at each house, she’s 7, she waits for him at the door and leaves and is delivered back to the door. She doesn’t take a bag or anything, she never brings toys and clothes back so he isn’t really providing for her is he.

He clearly is providing for her. When she's with him he provides clothes, toys, food, toiletries and a roof over her head. If she doesn't need to bring anything with her it's because he's providing it. She doesn't bring it back because you then provide it when she's with you.

Itsonlyagame · 14/11/2022 12:13

I honestly don't understand why you think he should pay anything at all. He had the children 50-50, you earn pretty much the same and you already get the child benefit.

Igglepiggleslittletoe · 14/11/2022 12:17

I hope to christ your ex cops on and stops giving you anything. You sound like a bitter entitled twat being honest.

GinaDonatella · 14/11/2022 12:18

But he surely does provide for her if she doesn't even need to take a toothbrush when she goes to dad's?

Why are you receiving anything from ex?

Stag82 · 14/11/2022 12:19

I don’t know if this is a real post… if DC has everything she needs at dads he is providing…

Do you split costs for weekly activities and does he cover child care on his days?

WeDontNeedToTalkAboutJamie · 14/11/2022 12:19

I think CM can be payable in a 50/50 split if one parent is a massively higher earner. However if he's paying £60 per month that can't be the case.

Other than that you are wrong in every respect. He is providing for her at his house, as evidenced by the fact you don't send a bag of stuff. No, the parent that leaves isn't the one who pays. Otherwise women leaving abusive men would be paying.

And it's been the CMS for at about 10 years. The CSA closed in 2012.

WeepingSomnambulist · 14/11/2022 12:23

Creamte · 14/11/2022 12:00

Is that just what’s done? If you split up the family you pay?

she’s got her own clothes and toys at each house, she’s 7, she waits for him at the door and leaves and is delivered back to the door. She doesn’t take a bag or anything, she never brings toys and clothes back so he isn’t really providing for her is he.

He bloody well is providing for her. Or do you think she just wears the clothes you send her in for all the days he has her? Do you think she doesnt have any toys or entertainment or food or a bed or anything at his?

Child maintenance is not a payment for your hurt feelings because he left. It is to support the child when one parent has them less than the other. You dont. You share, and he provides everything she needs when at his just like you do.

He could easily say the exact same post. He could say that he sends her to you and she comes back with nothing so you're not providing for her. That wouldnt be true, would it?

My ex sees the kids for 6 hours a week. Very occasionally an overnight. I send everything, including toothbrushes and toothpaste. Sometimes he returns stuff but mostly, he loses it. He took them swimming once and brought them back with their swimming bags. All lost.
He paid maintenance because I do all the providing and housing.

You're not. You only have to provide for her for 50% of the time. He does the other 50%. Why dont you pay him? Because that would be stupid. Just like it's stupidto make him pay you.

It has nothing to do with who left who. If it was the CSA when you set this up then it has been years and years since he left. Actually years and years. It is time for you to get over it. You should have moved on by now. He does not need to pay you because you have hurt feelings and cant get over it a decade later.

Original poster
Creamte · 14/11/2022 12:24

Stag82 · 14/11/2022 12:19

I don’t know if this is a real post… if DC has everything she needs at dads he is providing…

Do you split costs for weekly activities and does he cover child care on his days?

She goes to breakfast club when she is with him as he starts work at 9 and works half hour away from school. He pays for this.

She doesn’t do any other extra curricular.

OP posts:
WeepingSomnambulist · 14/11/2022 12:26

*without their swimming bags

Sirzy · 14/11/2022 12:27

Creamte · 14/11/2022 12:00

Is that just what’s done? If you split up the family you pay?

she’s got her own clothes and toys at each house, she’s 7, she waits for him at the door and leaves and is delivered back to the door. She doesn’t take a bag or anything, she never brings toys and clothes back so he isn’t really providing for her is he.

How is he not providing for her? He is covering the costs of 50% of her life. Couldn’t be much fairer really

ToInfinityAgain · 14/11/2022 12:29

Creamte · 14/11/2022 12:00

Is that just what’s done? If you split up the family you pay?

she’s got her own clothes and toys at each house, she’s 7, she waits for him at the door and leaves and is delivered back to the door. She doesn’t take a bag or anything, she never brings toys and clothes back so he isn’t really providing for her is he.

The money is not compensation for him choosing another woman over you, it’s to cover the cost of bringing up children.

If you each have 50% custody then of course you each don’t have to pay the others anything.

From what you write providing more for her than you are as on top of the normal costs he’s giving you money and you are also receiving child benefit.

WeepingSomnambulist · 14/11/2022 12:31

@Creamte
When you say that you know people who get a lot more from their ex, do you mean;

  1. They share the kids 50/50 completely, just like you, have similar salaries and the woman still gets hundreds a month? Or
  2. The kids live mainly with one mum and only see dad at weekends so he pays maintenance?
AndSoFinally · 14/11/2022 12:47

You can't actually work out 50:50 on the childcare calculator from CMS. The most it goes up to is 3+ nights a week but this assumes more than 3 but less than 50:50. Is that what youve used to calculate?

50:50 is always a zero payment unless there is a huge discrepancy between your earnings or there is an alternative arrangement

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 14/11/2022 12:53

If this is real then he shouldn’t actually be paying you anything at all.

Floweryflora · 14/11/2022 12:58

Why would you feel you’re entitled to anything, you earn the same and split custody equally, why should the one pay the other?

csa isn’t a punishment for ending a relationship

TheFairyCaravan · 14/11/2022 13:05

How can you think that he’s not providing for her? She has a home, clothes and toys with her dad, in the same way that she does with you. I bet you’d be fuming if he said that about you.

I’m sorry you’ve had a shock with your payments reducing but it does seem that you’ve been getting a very good deal for a while.

Igglepiggleslittletoe · 14/11/2022 13:06

You should be paying your ex half of the child benefit.

WireSkills · 14/11/2022 13:12

There are two matters here OP:

  1. Your ex broke up the relationship; and
  2. You share a child 50:50

Neither maintenance or divorce settlements are affected by the perceived bad behaviour of one party. If you had 2 divorces where assets were the same, but one divorce was amicable and the other was through adultery, for example, in theory the financial settlement would be identical.

You need to take the reasons for your separation out of the equation.

A court would look purely on the facts. As it is:

  • you both earn the same
  • you both pay for things for your DD while she is in your care
  • you both have your DD for equal amounts of time

Ignoring the emotional side of your separation, as it is irrelevant, why should you get more than your ex?

As PP's have said, he's already paying more than feasibly he needs to, plus you're taking all the CB.

I'd really not rock the boat if I were you OP.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 14/11/2022 13:15

It doesn’t matter who breaks up a relationship; people are entitled to leave anytime they want. There’s no moral restitution component to the cms payment.

You sound very bitter (‘shacked up’). He didn’t leave ‘the family’, he left you. He’s just as involved with DC as you are. Take what you’re getting and move on, you’re lucky you’re getting anything.

moistmingemist · 14/11/2022 13:19

It sounds fair to me. If she has everything at his house of course he is providing for her.

Remove your bitterness about him leaving and moving on, this is clouding your judgement.

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