Can someone call me down regarding babies and kisses

[paranoidiguess]

My sister kissed my baby on the lips, it's freaked me out. I wasn't happy about it and said I haven't even kissed baby on the lips because I've read the stories and know how dangerous hsv1 can be for babies. She is 6 weeks old!
Now I will say I've never seen a cold sore on my sister nor does she have one atm but I still think it's bloody stupid to kiss a baby on the lips! She was very offended, She told me I was being ott, that I'm being ridiculous etc... am I?!

Yes I suffer from anxiety which she is well aware of and I am on medication for it, I've been better lately but the last two days I've done nothing but freak myself out and google about cold sores. I've discovered this virus sheds without symptoms, that you can be asymptomatic of it etc and of course I've convinced myself of the worst!!

My question is this - I have had a cold sore when I was young and also had a whitlow when young. Never had a cold sore since.
Would that mean when I was pregnant I would've passed antibodies of the virus into my baby? Even if it was such a long time ago? I know you do if you have one whilst pregnant but can't find nothing about previous infections providing protection...

Please if anyone can help me rationalise

Yes pisses me off when people don't listen to this, it can be danger in circumstances but the likelihood of it happening is very low so don't worry and maybe don't be as angry towards your sister, just emphasise why you feel the way you do and just say please wait till she is older or give her a kiss on top of head.

Even so people should listen to you when you say don't kiss my baby, your baby so what you say goes. Ignore ignorant selfish people like this poster that try make you feel stupid for having this boundary in place

I personally wouldn’t kiss anyone else’s baby on the lips. I do give my own DD the odd peck on the lips but I don’t have cold sores etc.

It wouldn’t bother me if family members kiss her but I’ve never noticed them kiss her lips before - usually head or cheek.

I have been clear that if anyone suspects illness they should stay away anyway. And if they didn’t have the common sense not to kiss her with a cold sore I’d be really pissed off.

But if no one is ill or showing symptoms you need to calm down.

I don't like some of the comments like 'first baby' etc.

You are right. It is a risk, and even if it wasn't it's your baby, your rules.

If someone wants to make up their own rules they need to get their own baby.

Firstly can I say I don't agree that it's sexual to kiss your baby on the lips that wasn't why it bothered me, it was the risk of infections being passed on.

I agree I am probably overthinking it though, which is what I tend to do, again due to my anxiety.

I haven't been rude to my sister, in the slightest, I asked her not to do it again and explained my reasons why, she took offence and told me I was being ott, but regardless of what she thinks, as others have pointed out, my baby and my rules. I also left it at that and we enjoyed the rest of our day.

Clearly people have different boundaries when it comes to their kids. I personally think it's not right to kiss a young baby on the mouth due to virus' etc, and clearly my anxiety fuels my worries on this.

I thought I'd post for shit of reassurance because I've been worrying myself about it and the certain virus. For people that suffer with anxiety and ocd, they will understand how my brain is catastrophizing

No. I said mouth-on-mouth kissing is sexual. Therefore, you don't do it with babies and children.

The OP's sister kissed her baby on the lips. Do you think that's mouth-on-mouth therefore sexual?

The OP's sister kissed her baby on the lips. Do you think that's mouth-on-mouth therefore sexual?

This gets thrown around so many times

Why should op calm down ?

Her baby her rules

I wouldn't like anyone kissing my baby on the lips including my sister

Just because she hasn't ever got a cold sore doesn't mean she can't ever catch one

Just don't kiss baby on the lips quite simple really

It's no benefit for the baby just the person kissing
Selfish

But each time their own

Op doesn't like it neither would I but asking on a forum you are going to get people saying either x

Why have you posted the same thing three times? I wasn't calling the OP's sister a paedo, I was saying that mouth-to-mouth kissing is an adult, sexual thing and should therefore not be done with children. Why are you so desperate to normalise mouth-kissing babies and children? Find another less icky way to show affection.

I don't think it's true that "anybody would feel the same". I don't think it's particularly risky to kiss a baby (even on the lips) unless you have an active cold sore or are ill. Yes it probably does have a higher chance of passing on some as-yet-asymptomatic illness than cuddling but the chances are still very small.

The main place I see people worrying about this is reddit on the beyondthebump forum which is a hive mind of ramping up each others' anxiety - I'm surprised to see so much support for this very risk averse position on mumsnet. To be honest I feel very sad when I read that some parents avoid kissing their baby themselves in order to protect them. That's tipping the cost/benefit balance too far, IMO. It is more balanced to have a rule about other people (especially non family members) kissing them, although I personally never did and it would not have bothered me if people kissed them, except in the depths of the pandemic. I can't remember if anyone did (for the non pandemic babies).

I did see somebody muse the other day about how we (society in general) have become more risk averse, especially in relation to disease, since COVID, and I wonder if that is the case. For instance somebody else on here mentioned RSV, which is something that has probably been a risk forever, but I've never heard of it either outside internet forums, nor before this year, and I have three children, so you'd think I would have come across it before if it's such a huge and present danger as seems to be implied.

I do have a current baby BTW (14mo) so I'm not completely out of touch with the current baby advice/worries.

I say this as someone who could have been you. You are catastrophising. I get it. You need to stop ruminating on this. This "event" (complete non-event!) is just the outlet for your high level of anxiety - if it wasn't this it would be something else you'd be freaking out about! I do understand though, because I have been there, doesn't mean I was right though!

Good luck and get help for your anxiety if you can - it's been lifechanging for me :)

Also, you are seeking reassurance by posting this. If you can, I would step away from the thread/have it deleted and try and move on.

To me it’s absolutely freaking weird to kiss someone else’s baby regardless of the relationship you have with them!

I don’t even kiss my son on the lips!! Not because I see anything wrong with the actual kiss but because I don’t want to pass something onto him. Just because an adult can handle a cold pretty well doesn’t mean a baby/toddler/child can

it has never entered my mind to kiss someone else’s baby and it’s absolutely selfish of people to do it to babies. Ignore the comments about first baby

It is better to avoid introducing the bacteria that causes tooth decay to babies.

Don't share their spoon, give sloppy kisses etc. keep their little mouths germ free as long as you can.

Germ issue aside, how very sad that anyone would assume kissing your own child on the lips is anything other than innocent affection. I’m talking a quick peck of course, but can’t see how anyone would think it was wrong.

Meh, it's not ideal, but very unlikely to cause a problem, and not something I'd be particularly worried about unless they were visibly ill or had a blatant coldsore

I don't think it's unreasonable to feel uncomfortable about it, but I think it's your anxiety rather than genuine risk which is fuelling this still being on your mind.

For what it's worth, I've never kissed my children in the lips, but they have grabbed my face and kissed me on the lips more times than I can remember 😂

@paranoidiguess

YANBU

i think it's weird kissing babies/children on the lips anyway. Neck/cheeks/head/finger/feet etc. but lips? to me, is very odd.

That aside, yes, the germs being passed on is unnecessary!!

your sister can strop as much as she likes, let her crack on with it.

@Somuchgoo yeah!!! I have been slobbered one by more children than
i could even count! I try to dodge the drool, but not always possible!!

Can I just say..... unless you have health anxiety.... you have no idea how awful it can be.
I have two children.
I do not like anyone kissing babies on the lips. I smother my children in kisses, but not on the lips as a baby!
As a mother, we each have a right to chose how we parent. I choose to not lip kiss. I have also made allllll family members aware of this too!
My children my rules.
It's not being silly, it's not being OTT, it's having a part of you worry about your children perhaps in a way other moms don't. It's completely normal. It's ok.
My friends child got a fever and cold.... she brushed it off
My child then got the same.... my head goes crazy with worry! Checking and worrying constantly.
It's just how we are different and that's ok.
I fully understand your reaction so don't worry yourself. Xx

Mine is 16 month olds and hasn't been kissed in the lips by anyone other than me and his dad. I asked family not to so they don't. A kiss on the head/cheek I'm ok with but not the lips. Your not overreacting at all🤷🏻‍♀️