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Original poster

Can someone call me down regarding babies and kisses

45 replies

paranoidiguess · 14/11/2022 07:49

My sister kissed my baby on the lips, it's freaked me out. I wasn't happy about it and said I haven't even kissed baby on the lips because I've read the stories and know how dangerous hsv1 can be for babies. She is 6 weeks old!
Now I will say I've never seen a cold sore on my sister nor does she have one atm but I still think it's bloody stupid to kiss a baby on the lips! She was very offended, She told me I was being ott, that I'm being ridiculous etc... am I?!

Yes I suffer from anxiety which she is well aware of and I am on medication for it, I've been better lately but the last two days I've done nothing but freak myself out and google about cold sores. I've discovered this virus sheds without symptoms, that you can be asymptomatic of it etc and of course I've convinced myself of the worst!!

My question is this - I have had a cold sore when I was young and also had a whitlow when young. Never had a cold sore since.
Would that mean when I was pregnant I would've passed antibodies of the virus into my baby? Even if it was such a long time ago? I know you do if you have one whilst pregnant but can't find nothing about previous infections providing protection...

Please if anyone can help me rationalise

OP posts:
Original poster
paranoidiguess · 14/11/2022 08:34

I think I'm annoyed too as I was made out to be this irrational crazy mum, I'm really not, I have anxiety yes but surely anyone else would feel the same ? I wouldn't dream of kissing someone's baby.
Just after some reassurance I guess

OP posts:
Montague22 · 14/11/2022 08:36

You’re right don’t kiss your baby on the lips. Don’t let others do so. I thought this was common knowledge. Your sister is either ignorant or embarrassed. You aren’t being overly anxious.

OriginalUsername2 · 14/11/2022 08:36

First baby? 🙂🍷

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WeWereInParis · 14/11/2022 08:37

Your sister was in the wrong, I wouldn't kiss someone else's baby on the lips.

However, she didn't have a cold sore, nor have you ever known her to have one. So she isn't going to have passed the virus onto your baby.

3WildOnes · 14/11/2022 08:39

I wouldn't have minded if anyone had kissed my baby on the lips as long as they didn't have an active cold sore.

Original poster
paranoidiguess · 14/11/2022 08:40

OriginalUsername2 · 14/11/2022 08:36

First baby? 🙂🍷

No not first baby, but aware of risks in kissing such young babies.

OP posts:
MichaelFabricantWig · 14/11/2022 08:43

Bloody hell calm down: Tell her not to do it again and leave it at that. Of course there are occasional terrible stories of babies kissed on the lips who come to harm but this will be a drop in the ocean of all the baby kissing that goes on. I’m sure she’ll be absolutely fine.

Original poster
paranoidiguess · 14/11/2022 08:45

I did ask her not to do it again, but the reaction wasn't great, I was made out to be in the wrong for asking that...

I've stated I have anxiety pretty bad so it isn't as easy to just calm down unfortunately.
I've been better lately but this has worried me.
I understand I need to rationalise though

OP posts:
MichaelFabricantWig · 14/11/2022 08:45

paranoidiguess · 14/11/2022 08:34

I think I'm annoyed too as I was made out to be this irrational crazy mum, I'm really not, I have anxiety yes but surely anyone else would feel the same ? I wouldn't dream of kissing someone's baby.
Just after some reassurance I guess

It’s not just “someone’s” baby is it? It’s her niece who she presumably loves very much.

my babies were kissed by aunts and uncles and grandparents as well as us. It’s a perfectly reasonable thing to do unless as you say there’s a cold sore/infection.

MichaelFabricantWig · 14/11/2022 08:49

If she reacted badly, in the kindest possible way it may be that you didn’t come across as well or as rationally as you think. I hope you can manage to get help with your anxiety now as the worries around kids only increase as they get older.

Original poster
paranoidiguess · 14/11/2022 08:51

Maybe I am being ott then. But seriously, since when is it okay to kiss a newborn baby on the lips ? They have basically no immune system. Cheeks, head that's fine with me but not the mouth.

OP posts:
Original poster
paranoidiguess · 14/11/2022 08:51

MichaelFabricantWig · 14/11/2022 08:49

If she reacted badly, in the kindest possible way it may be that you didn’t come across as well or as rationally as you think. I hope you can manage to get help with your anxiety now as the worries around kids only increase as they get older.

No I'm quite a shy awkward person, I wouldn't have came across as rude or anything. She takes thing badly anyway regardless of the matter

OP posts:
MrsTimRiggins · 14/11/2022 08:53

I’m a relatively laidback parent but kissing babies on the lips is gross and unnecessary. Kiss them on the head and get a good sniff of that new baby smell like any normal person! Your baby will, I am quite sure, be fine, but you weren’t unreasonable to say not to do it in the future.
Regardless of whether your sister agrees with you or not, she absolutely shouldn’t be making you feel bad for setting boundaries regarding your baby.

Jibo · 14/11/2022 08:55

I am sure your baby won't have caught anything but kissing babies and children on the lips is generally disgusting and I would never do or allow it with my children let alone anyone else's! Mouth-to-mouth kissing is sexual.

MichaelFabricantWig · 14/11/2022 08:59

Kissing on the mouth is unnecessary, I agree.

You’ve said your piece so hopefully she won’t do it again even if she’s taken the hump and I’m sure baby will be fine.

Mindofa4yo · 14/11/2022 09:03

I've been there OP @paranoidiguess , my friend kissed my baby on the lips WITH an active cold sore. I was so mad, and have anxiety too so I googled to oblivion and convinced myself something awful would happen.

Nothing happened at all and it was a year ago so be reassured your baby will be fine.

Cold virus or not, I think kissing someone's else's baby on the lips is just weird and unnecessary, but I guess that's personal preference. And as it's your baby, your preference should be respected regardless.

Have a nice cup of tea, breathe, and try to put it behind you.

WelliesandWine88 · 14/11/2022 09:06

You absolutely are in the right here!
My friend's child has been in intensive care, in an induced coma, with rsv , this past week!
Your sister needs to get over herself and respect that you, the actual parent, get to dictate this!
What reason does she have to kiss your child on the lips/face ffs!

picklemewalnuts · 14/11/2022 09:08

Send her a message explaining that recent research means advice now is to avoid kissing babies on the lips, so that's why you became very anxious about it.
Send her the attached.

The 'recent' bit let's her save face, as does your recognition that you got anxious. You still get to keep the boundary about your baby.

Can someone call me down regarding babies and kisses
Can someone call me down regarding babies and kisses
Goldbar · 14/11/2022 09:20

Kissing babies on the lips is unnecessary and dangerous. I would be furious too. There have been cases of babies who have died after contracting herpes or RSV. Why put a baby at risk like this?

havingabubble · 14/11/2022 09:25

I would be really annoyed too! You were totally right to say something to your sister and the fact that she doesn't respect your boundary is her problem, not yours!!!

Original poster
paranoidiguess · 14/11/2022 10:09

I'm glad some posters agree with me and don't think I'm being silly, it really upset me but will try and put it behind me, I have said I don't want it to happen again. Just it hasn't helped my anxiety, and the reaction wasn't great. She probably just didn't think but I know if it was the other way round and it was her baby she wouldn't have been pleased either

OP posts:
sevenbyseven · 14/11/2022 10:13

Jibo · 14/11/2022 08:55

I am sure your baby won't have caught anything but kissing babies and children on the lips is generally disgusting and I would never do or allow it with my children let alone anyone else's! Mouth-to-mouth kissing is sexual.

FGS it's not sexual.

So you really think OP's sister kissing the baby was sexual? Hmm

ChocoFudge · 14/11/2022 10:22

Maybe I have unusually dribbly babies but anyone attempting to kiss either of mine on the lips would have come away with a face covered in baby dribble and would be very unlikely to want to repeat the experience!

No one in my family is a lips kisser but I would have just asked them to please not do that, a kiss on the top of the head or the cheek is fine.

KalvinPhillipsBoots · 14/11/2022 10:23

Oh get a grip fgs

thisplaceisweird · 14/11/2022 10:28

It's fine to not want it to happen and to ask your sister not to do it again.

What's not ok is to keep stressing over it and to send any follow up messages to your sister. Just let it go now and don't allow her to do it again, be firm, you aren't wrong to feel this way.

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