Would you leave a nearly 16yo and a 13,yo alone overnight?

[Neolara]

I'm meant to be going away for work overnight in a week's time and my DH unexpectedly also has to now be out of the country for work on the same night.

I have two exceptionally sensible teens. One is 16 next month. The other is 13. They get on very well and won't argue. They are perfectly capable of cooking for themselves and having been scouts for years, are resourceful and resilient and don't really get freaked out when faced by challenges. They both know considerably more first aid than me. I completely trust that they won't do anything silly or invite anyone round. If anything happened, we have 3 families within 5 mins walk who would look after them and probably about 5 other families I could call on for back up who could be with them in 10 mins.

Initially, I'd assumed that I would try to find someone who the youngest could have a sleepover with. However, they are both telling me they would be completely fine staying for one mid-week night by themselves in the house. And now I'm wondering whether it would be ok to leave them by themselves after all. Your thoughts would be appreciated..

@underneaththeash

What do you think may go wrong?

I absolutely would, and have done before

NSPCC says children under the age of 16 shouldn't be left alone overnight and as they're both under 16 it would be a no for me.

I wouldn’t leave my almost 15 and 16 year olds overnight. They would be fine but I would worry and not enjoy myself.

Yes I would.
I think they are fine and responsible enough from what you’ve described and if it was a different example and perhaps there’s been a crisis and you’d had to leave them alone then I’m sure many people would say, it was acceptable.

I think they’ll be fine - they sound sensible! As long as they have emergency numbers it will be fine!

A funny story about what might happen … for context I work in an industry which is quite regulated and has high H&S standards and had to leave my 2 DC overnight.. oldest 17 youngest 13 (my mum was arriving next day to ‘’babysit’ them) I did my own risk assessment and thought it would be fine. I’m quite risk averse but not neurotic…
DH and I were sitting in the airport hotel and watching the national news in the bar with a large G&T and what comes on but a story about a Heath fire … which was 1 road across from us! I hadn’t considered that in my RA😂 nearly choked on my drink 🍹
fortunately, several friends had contacted the DC who assured them they were fine .. when I rang them they just moaned that people kept ringing to check they were alright and kept interrupting their film 🤷‍♀️

No, I don't think I would. Leave it a while longer. I always think 'if police or social services for some unrelated reason were to come to the door, would this arrangement seem good parenting in our current culture'. I mean, I know they would be fine, but emotionally or in an emergency they might not be.

Yes if they were sensible and knew where to go for help. My mum and siblings went to Spain for a week when I was 16!

I would, but would also see if one of the nearby families would have them over for the evening, see them home and be the designated contact if they have any concerns/difficulties in the night.

That would take the cooking out of the equation (probably the riskiest element of the evening night - setting fire to the house, serious burns etc).

It could make it easier for them to ask for help if necessary, because there is a clear 'line of reporting' so to speak! It gives them permission to call before anything reaches a crisis.

Yes, if they're sensible and responsible and know who to call in an emergency - plumbing, tree falls, etc.

I would leave food for them. Don't have them cooking.

Yes, I would & have.

Get them to whatsapp you every few hours in a patronising teenage manner for reassurance:

'Yes mum, we've both washed our hands before eating our Papa Johns & I've checked dsis has cleaned her teeth. Just reading her bedtime story now before I get cooking the meth for when the local biker chapter come round for canapes & pillage.'

Dd1 eventually wrote up her fantasy/winding mum up version of events as an English iGCSE coursework piece...

But seriously, you've got local friends who could pop round in a crisis - they aren't living in a lighthouse, say? All good. Bloody good practice for Uni in 3 years' time, too.

Agree with @Oblomov22's comments here.

I think some people make a meal of their neuroses. Very attention seeking.

As the oldest is so close to being 16, they’re sensible, happy to be left and you have a plan for an emergency, I think it’s fine. It’s only the younger one I’d have any concern over but with how you’ve described it, I don’t see a problem.

My goodness, a couple of months and the eldest would be old enough to leave home so not sure what all those saying no would do if their teen decided to up sticks and go.

Teens should be able to be independent and should be working towards independent life. Surely it's a path you go down - leaving them alone in daylight when you deem them sensible enough, extending the time as they become more confident, alone of an evening, then alone overnight from time to time. All age and maturity dependant of course.

It's certainly what my mum did with me and set me up for independent living as an adult.

Nope - nearly 16 is not the same as being 16. I always try to think in these circumstances, what would the headlines say if something went wrong.
Do they have friends they could stay with for a night ?

Yes, I would. You know your DCs better than anyone and if you think it is fine then I am sure it will be.

I wouldn't have left mine at that age but I know my eldest would've taken advantage.

I stayed home alone for a week when I just turned 16 as my mum had to go away with work and I was absolutely fine.
Our friendly neighbours knew and if I had any problem I could go to them anytime.
I'm sure your DC will be absolutely fine 👍😊

Nearly 16 hmmm not sure would have to be very responsible and trust worthy for their age. Younger one absolutely not and especially leaving the older one in charge that's not fair.

I nearly set my kitchen on fire when I was 13 and had a friend stay over. Put the pan on phone went and forgot about it! Mum was only gone for an hour!

I wouldn't leave 15 and 13 yo alone overnight. But if someone else did, I wouldn't think much of it. I know some 15 yo have chikdren and move alone to go to school but can't explain it.
Always in threads about kids being home alone I'm always the one thinking that parents are overly cautious but somehow this makes me opposite. But if you think it's fine then it probably is.

No, I wouldn't leave a 15 and 13 year old alone overnight. Not a chance and not something you should consider

I would not leave a 15 or 13 year old alone overnight, no matter how sensible. Over 16 if sensible possibly. I know only a mo the between 15 and 11 months and 16 but under 16 just seems too young to me. I would ask if they could stay with Grandparent/Auntie/Friend overnight.

I wouldn't do it, but I've never been in the kind of situation where the question arose.

I am, however, flabbergasted at all the people saying They Mustn't Cook!!!

I definitely wouldn’t. I wouldn’t leave the eldest alone either. I’m surprised people think it’s ok, I would expect school to raise a safeguarding issue if they found out.

I think if anything went wrong, you’d likely be in hot water tbh.

I’m not an overprotective parent either. I’m happy for my 15yo to cook while I’m out etc.