What is the safest option for my baby, myself and rest of the family?

[Richtea67]

Hi, I am interested in people's opinions on balancing up the risks here. I know this will be a decision I make for myself but just interested in what people think....So I have a 6 week old DD who will not be put down...EVER. I am not looking for advice on what to try, as we have tried it all and persevered with all the standard advice (white noise, swaddle, hot water bottle, consistent routine etc). She is mixed fed (mostly breast) and we have tried co sleeping, but she wakes up. I used to be able to feed to sleep and settle her next to me, but she screams now until picked up. Essentially if she is anywhere except on someone's chest she wakes up. I have a sling which is a god send. My husband has been helping with night time and we have been doing shifts with her sleeping on our chests, but trying to settle her in crib or next to me throughout the night. I tend to sleep 9am-1am, and sometimes can catch up on the weekend.

After 6 weeks of 4ish hours sleep a night I am feeling the effects, as is my dh. I am struggling with looking after myself and my other child. I feel unsafe driving, and the other day totally zoned out at a junction...literally didn't know where I was for a moment. I have to drive to do the school run (too far to walk), although can get some help with this ad hoc. Reflux and CMPA have both been investigated and we are on gaviscon and special formula, but no improvement yet. As we have exhausted all the standard advice I am now considering trying things I know are not recommended e.g. baby nests, sleeping her on side with a wedge. I think my reasoning is that we are at less of a risk doing this and getting some more sleep, than we are carrying on with what we are doing and having an accident.

WWYD? I know about the 4th trimester, and that it will get better... but what would people do now??

Agree with planned, safe collecting. I had a pillow Fort too pp!
I also did side sleeping when I was awake and close by, as the nurses probably are.. I'd be wary of suggesting it otherwise tho.

Cosleeping, not collecting!

In hospital babies usually have continuous monitoring of O2 sats at least. Can't really apply stuff from there to home.

Lots of empathy for you @Richtea67 we are currently going through the same thing with my 2nd DS I have a toddler who was a great sleeper in comparison, he contact napped in the day but would sleep in his next to me at night so this has all come as bit of a shock.

DS2 is 6 weeks and will not be put down at all and cries if he is not being held, DH and I have been doing the same as you and taking it in shifts. I sit up with him on my chest and fall asleep most nights, I try to stay awake but it's hard and I end up falling asleep. Mine would initially co-sleep but now won't do that either. I'm at a loss with what to do. We've tried lots of things like hot water bottle in moses basket and the next to me, we ve tried lowering him slowly, keeping contact with him, nothing works and I am at the end of my tether. I can't look after my toddler the way things are and that's unfair on him. We are going to try a cranial osteopath as friends have said that's helped but I dont think anyone has had it as extreme as my DS. I may try the nest if osteopath doesn't help.

Please keep us updated with how you get on and if anything works for you. I'm willing to try most things at the moment.

Thank you everyone for messages, advice and support. I truly am sorry for anyone else experiencing this and hope things improve soon.

@Pinktruffleit's truly awful isn't it. My DD1 was what I understood a 'normal' baby to be like: waking 3/4 hourly for feeds throughout the night but settling afterwards. I understand now how sleep deprivation can be used as a means of torture. it must be so difficult looking after a toddler too. My DD1 is 6, so is able to do quite a bit for herself although I am aware I'm very snappy with her a lotz and she still has needs. Have you been down the reflux/silent relux and/or cmpa route? Let me know how you get on with the cranial osteopath. We're trying the swaddle up tonight and the purflo nest should be arriving soon....I will keep you posted.

So helpful to have the advice and solidarity from fellow mumsnetters. Also useful as the advice from professionals is always...'put them on their back', no pragmatic help when they just won't settle like this (even when co sleeping).

Do you feed lying down in bed? Might be possible to slowly ease yourself away at end of a feed?

You can’t drive when you are that tired. That is just as irresponsible as driving drunk. You need to stop driving and make alternative plans until you are less tired

Ask for losec for the reflux and make sure the formula is actually dairy free and not the ones where they've just broken down the proteins because it still contains dairy and can still cause issues. Until we did both of these my baby would only sleep on our chests. The relief when the medication kicked in and the next formula settled his tummy. We actually managed to put him down to sleep.

I would try a babynest from a reputable brand. The risk from that will be significantly less than the risk from a) a car crash or b) one of you falling asleep while she's on your chest (the things that the safe sleep guidance advises against are risky by comparison with an empty cot, not by comparison with baby sleeping on top of a parent)

@Hatscats she did have a posterior tounge tie which was divided when she was 2 weeks old. Latch looks and feels comfortable, although sometimes I can hear clicking...I know sometimes the TT can grow back so may be worth getting checked again...thank you.

I haven't had the same situation but did have my own sleep issues with DS. He was my second and insisted on being swaddled to sleep, that was fine at first but then once he outgrew the swaddling he wouldn't sleep at all because he still wanted it. We tried everything and nothing worked, I honestly just couldn't cope with the lack of sleep so I ended up buying a swaddle product online that attached around his crib mattress, some of the advice/recommendations said it was cruel because it held them down etc which made me feel like the most awful mum in the world but he absolutely loved it and it was the only way he would sleep. He used it for ages and slept like an absolute dream. Even now at 3 (almost 4) he likes being wrapped up in thick pjs, covers fully tucked in etc and that's just obviously what he needs. I think the point I'm trying to make is don't listen to what people say you shouldn't do etc, if you know your baby and what they need to help them sleep just go with it, you need the sleep too and if you can find something that helps both of you get it then just go for it!

My second was the same. He was born in lockdown so no additional support available and for a 3-week period dh was very sick with covid and had to isolate... it was brutal. I did use a sleepyhead in the end, next to me on the bed, and about half the time he would transfer to it and stay asleep for a couple of hours...

Both of mine were like this, split shifts as your doing 9-1 and bed sharing we put our life on hold for six months it was just survival. I was lucky as I had grandparents to help with my oldest who was 2 at the time. My first had tounge tie and CMPA and my second had a tounge tie that grew back more than once. I found that when they could get the wind up after 6 months they settled much better.

This might be helpful ❤️

www.instagram.com/p/CVGNLt2g__9/?igshid=MDJmNzVkMjY=

Reflux and CMPA mummy here ! You’ve done amazing coping with that lack of sleep

Can I ask how long your little one has been on the Gaviscon and which formula ?

Also have you gone diary free with your own diet?

It can take upto 6 weeks for the milk proteins to leave the body. .

Not recommending this but on a few occasions I was so exhausted that baby slept on my chest in bed, safe sleep set up as I could not physically stay awake from sleep deprivation it truly is an awful time. The rules are all well and good but what are you supposed to do if you physically can't stay awake.

@Richtea67 my DD was like this as well. It was hell on earth and I felt horrendous ALL THE TIME.
We were convinced it was silent reflux as she slept beautifully when upright but when put down, would wake up screaming and vomiting.
We were eventually referred to paediatric A&E after some severe projectile vomiting and they gave us Omeprazole.
We were already giving prescription formula and Gaviscon which did nothing.

OMEPRAZOLE WAS A GAME CHANGER.
For the first time since birth we could lay her down to sleep. This was the night of her 1st dose. It was amazing.
We would keep her upright for 30mins after every single feed still but she was able to lay down in her crib and sleep like a normal baby.
Something to consider? If youve only seen a GP ask to see a paediatrician.

DD1 would cry constantly from 10pm until 6am, unless she was being patted very firmly on her back. I would do 10pm-4am, then DH (sleeping downstairs) would take her at 4 am so that I could get a couple of hours sleep before he went to work.

It slowly got better when she was about 12 weeks old, with the time she would settle getting earlier week by week.

DD2 had terrible reflux so we eventually used carobel. It was brilliant.

@ScoobyBooby we've been on gaviscon and aptimil pepti 1 for almost 2 weeks, and I am also going dairy free. I didn't realise it could take so long for the milk proteins to be removed, hopefully things will improve with a bit of time. If not will go back to GP.

No luck so far with the 'swaddle up' but will keep trying. She did stay in the cot for about about an hour if we kept putting a dummy in, but was very squirmy and not properly settled. But DD did settle in bed with me on her side for a couple of hours last night (not swaddled). I didn't sleep but at least I could rest and close my eyes for a bit....makes a big difference.