Do intense high needs babies ever chill out?

[Exworrier]

DS1 was an easy baby, slept through the night from about 3m old - slept 7-7, 2 naps a day of 2h, hardly cried, didn’t crawl til 11m and then walked at 14m. Has always been chilled and easy going.

DS2 is… a bit of a handful to say the least. He is almost 1, very clingy with me, has never slept well, wakes every 4h still, sometimes refuses both naps or at least the afternoon one, cries a lot, is very stroppy and stubborn, doesn’t eat or just messes around constantly, will wake up in the night and be awake for 2, sometimes 3h, wakes early. Has just started crawling but literally wants to break and ruin everything in reach, pinches and pulls the cat.

Sounds bad but sometimes I despair with him. Has anyone had a particularly trying baby that went on to be a lovely, easy going toddler? 🙏

Tbh this sounds normal to me but I think the fact your first child was "easy" you will find it harder to deal with. Whereas my first was tricky and my second is easier. 4 hour sleep stretches seem ok to me!
Make sure you get him outside during peak daylight hours. This will help the circadian rhythm get back to normal if it is out of sync. Fresh air is always good for tiring children out.
Smashing and destroying stuff is normal. My 3 yr old builds a tower and my 11m old crawls and smashes it down. Luckily we got our 3yr old on board with that so he will build a tower purely for little one to smash!

The food thing would annoy me but maybe he just isn't as hungry? Are you giving food after wake ups from night sleep and naps or still on milk first? I'd try and give solids first if you're currently doing milk

My 1st little girl was a very very hard baby, did have colic. Cried alllll the time just hard. Didn't sleep through until 13months. Before this she was awake for hours on end at night, only way she would nap was on us. Then something just clicked and she slept through, she's now 5y and honestly a dream. Always sleeps well, we have to wake her up for school! Happy and easy going, she was a total dream toddler, never tantrumed.
My second daughter was on the other hand an easier baby (not easy don't think they were exist!) now 3 years old and my goodness she's harder work. A tantrum an hour is standard, she's up early and still not unusual for her to wake up during the night.
So hang in there just because things are hard now they definitely could get easier :)

Clinginess is a phase and my boy is doing this roo. Even if I walk to kitchen from the family room and he can see me he bursts into tears. This is normal too and can last until they are 2 (but very likely will pass much much faster when he realises you always come back!)

All kids are different!

Was your other child good with the cat? Ours was a high needs baby but understood the word gentle pretty quick...used it loads from 6mo...they are now gentle with the cat but still the word gentle under supervision at 18mo.

All I can say with the sleep is read around the subject and see what works for you. Max out on calories at tea time and milk before bed.

Wonder if your breastfeeding?

My DD was a nightmare baby, would only sleep on me during the day, clingy, whiny, lots of crying, bad eater, didn't nap by herself until she was 13 months etc etc. Basically as soon as she could walk unaided she changed completely. She's now almost 5 and was a dream toddler, had ONE tantrum the entire time, sleeps from 7pm-8am, eats whatever is put in front of her, doing really well at school, is polite and helpful and does what she's told pretty much all the time. She's an unusually well-behaved little girl and my absolute best pal.

These replies are really reassuring, thank you.
Not breastfeeding no, DS2 is cmpa so always formula fed.

Say no more re CMPA...reflux been diagnosed?

19 years and still waiting…

Re reading I bet they're over tired. They need 3 naps a day, 9am, midday/1pm and 3/4 pm give or take. The refusing is cortisol from being awake for too long you have to over power him and get him to sleep in any way possible. Like I said, read around it you'll see this is likely to be the case.

Yes DS was labelled as high needs by almost everyone we came across. The sleep deprivation nearly broke me.

He's now a very chilled teen.

My DD1 was such an easy baby and toddler, now she's 11 and a total handful!

DD2 had loads of digestive issues, cried all the time, didn't sleep was soooo clingy and unhappy. Around 2.5ish she just settled and now she's the calmest of the family as well as being great company, kind, clever, just lovely.

My daughter calmed down massively once she was mobile and could fulfill her wants by asking for things. She wasn’t very good at being a baby.
My second was temperamentally suited to being a baby and was a classic easy, placid baby. It would have been so much harder if he’d been the first. On the other hand, by daughter self-weaned whereas my son took a lot of persuasion aged 3.

DS was really high needs lasted until he was about 11 at secondary school.
He is now 17, has never slept well but we've found ways to manage that.
He's now very laid back and chilled out and very lovely (I'm biased I know).

DD was very easy baby and toddler. When she hit 10/11 Yr old the tables turned and she's been very anxious and needs lots of reassurance. She's 14 And utterly exhausting.

Not sure how that may help.

First DC was very high strung, almost neurotic up until she was 2yrs and then totally chilled out. She is still very easy now and is almost an adult.
My second was a placid lovely baby who turned into an absolute handful during the toddler years and is still the same now in her teens.

Yeah but it took about 18 years to get there.

Dc2 vomited and screamed continuously for the first 6 months. He is an absolutely delightful teenager.

High needs baby DD has grown into onto autistic toddler DD. I don't want to worry you without cause, but also putting it out there as if I had known sooner I would have spent less time worrying that my parenting was the cause of her distress.

@Exworrier
Yes, when they go to sleep.
All the best op

DD1 was very high needs as a baby. She is now 8yo so I now know she suffers from heartburn (which explains the sicking and some of the screaming), gets car sick (again explains sicking and screaming), and has recently been diagnosed with ASD and ADHD (explains the sleep problems and clinginess along with a number of other quirks). She sleeps well now once alseep, but still finds getting to sleep very difficult. She is still very clingy and I swear would crawl back inside me at times if it was an option. Emotional regulation remains an ongoing issue that calmed a little after toddlerhood but is ramping up again with the addition of pre-puberty hormones and increasing complicated social expectations and relationships.
That said, a good number of 'difficult' babies of friends just grew out of it, and the reason they were such hard work remains a mystery!

In my experience, no. They retain the sane level of intensity and complexity and rage at a moments notice but in my child’s case he’s also very. Very bright academically so I do wonder if that plays a part.

Mine was hard until he was about 11.

But we had no teen angst at all. He's so mellow.

Diagnosed with dyspraxia and dyslexia, honestly think he has ASD. But he's lovely. Very easygoing.

Very difficult high needs GERD baby, didn't sleep through until aged 2.Turned into a very chill toddler/child, and now a very chill teenager. Literally the easiest child ever. I like to think it was my reward for the nightmare that was early parenthood! There is hope!

My first baby was hard work, a velcro baby with colic who didn't sleep through until well past two years old.
Despite the non sleeping through, at around 7/8 months she turned into the most delightful child and is still an absolute joy at 13.

Hang in there.

He definitely doesn’t need 3 naps at almost a year, surely wake windows would be nowhere near wide enough?

part of our problem is every day is different because the nights are so unpredictable. We put him to bed at 6.30/7 every night and we do a dream feed at 10.30pm. Then he sometimes wakes at either 2/3/4 am and needs another feed or else he screams bloody murder, sometimes goes back to sleep, sometimes won’t sleep any more or sometimes he is up for a few hours before he falls asleep again. This results in ranging wake up times, anywhere from 4-8am. We push for two naps a day of at least 1h but sometimes the temptation to leave him for longer is too much (or I desperately need a break from him) so it’s all a bit all over the place.

Those that mentioned ASD, it wouldn’t be the first time we have considered it. We are currently taking a wait and see approach but there are a few strange behaviours we have noted too.

With the exception of food, you could have been describing DS1.
He started talking at 2.5, and suddenly this amazing personality came out. He is the most loving, caring, smart, awesome... yeah, ok. Mummy bias. He's great. Now 13y, and we have occasional grunting phases but he is still lovely to be around. Still doesn't sleep a whole lot, still comes to snuggle me on the sofa occasionally.
The baby and toddler years nearly broke me tho.