Childminder issue. Advice...

[Cluelessfirstimer]

Going back to work sooner than planned due to cost of living. Already feel awful about it but suddenly been slapped in the face with a new obstacle. Below details. I'll keep it short.

Found baby (5 months) a childminder and he went for the settling in days. Childminder has now said he just would not settle with her and was "hard to get down for a nap" refused to take him.

He is. That's true. I'm trying shh pat worh various results right now.

He is due to start 1st December. Family live too far away to help. What the fuck do I do?! Hardly any childminders in my area and what if the next one says the same? 3 closest nurseries are full for under 1s and partner works over an hour away and i dont drive. I mostly WFH but having him here with me just won't be fair.

Looks like you're only option is to try the other childminders.

Does baby take a dummy? That can help with settling.
As above poster has said you will just have to try the other childminders.

Could you look at nurseries close to partners work?

Hates the dummy. I try every day still!

What if the next childminder says the same? Partner works in central London and I'd rather not choose a nursery there because of the costs.

I'm pretty fucked. Don't even know why I'm asking advice. I know I'm pretty fucked...

(Aprry foe the excessive bad language. Pure panic mode at the moment)

Mothers help? Au pair?

nanny share?

check out gumtree

What do you mean refusing to take him? Any childminder that wouldn't take a child who wouldn't settle at settling wouldn't be taking mine.

You then say he is due to start 1st December? Where? If she won't take him?

If she won't, my advice is local fb groups, who are recommended childminders if that's what you wish. Waiting lists for nursery asap.

She said she can't take him because of the other children she has and time it took to settle him
He was due to start somewhere on 1st of December I mean. That's my return to work. I'll have a look around some groups

Firstly, you've had a lucky escape with this childminder so be thankful for that.

Contact the other childminders and see if they have space, join a waiting list.

Visit the nurseries, if they're suitable join a waiting list.

In the meantime look for alternatives. Do you have room for a live-in nanny or an au pair? A nanny share could be an option. Or you may find someone looking for their first nanny job who would take a lower wage for the experience (and this is ok because you'll be in the house, I wouldn't recommend this if you'd be away from home).

Look for a CM with less children that can focus on your child more if he has issues settling. A nursery probably wouldn’t suit him.

How many settlings did you do before she said no?
Lots of parents don't think ahead to childcare and continue feeding and cuddling baby to sleep which can be a nightmare. The last one I settled was used to breast to sleep it took me 3 weeks sat next to baby gentle hand on then as he nodded off slowly exchanging hand for a wheat pack over legs .... obviously not hot and not full weight on him and not leaving out of sight. No talking or shhh after the first sleep time. By 3 weeks he would go with me just in the room but it's not fair if you have other children to care for and work on your own.
This method has always worked for me with too many to count.
Work wise just keep ringing around

Yup. Lucky escape. Keep trying, pop an advert up on your page, ask mums for recommendations, ask local toddler groups

Keep hunting for a solution, maybe something on your dh’s commute?
if all else fails get his name down to start nursery when he turns one and work with him at home. It is easier when they are small but you will still have to work around naps and maybe when your oh is home.

Do you have a spare room? Aupair? They can work out better value than childminders and be a great help.

We've had three amazing ones for summer holidays.

I had pretty much the same thing happen to me when I returned to work, although in my case it was around 12-13 years ago now.

I found a local childminder who seemed to tick all the boxes, all was well. I dropped my 2 year old daughter off for a settling in session, drove the 10 minute journey back home, walked through the front door and heard my phone ring. It was the childminder saying I'd have to come straight back and pick up my daughter as she wasn't settling down quick enough. When I picked her up she was still crying but not distraught, it just seemed that not much effort had been made to placate her. I didn't argue or discuss it any further, what was the point? Childminder had made her decision and I'd lost confidence in her in turn.

It turned out to be a blessing in disguise, the next childminder I found was such a lovely lady! Warm, welcoming and so good with my little girl. My daughter still got upset the first few times she was left but my new childminder was very reassuring that it was all very normal and it soon passed.

Try not to be disheartened (I know easier said than done!) that childminder just wasn't the right fit. There's every chance the next one will be better suited for you and your child. Hope it works out for you.

You can't use an au pair for full time childcare. Au pairs are for before and after school /occasional holiday or weekend care of older children.

parents continue feeding and cuddling baby to sleep which can be a nightmare. The last one I settled was used to breast to sleep it took me 3 weeks sat next to baby @jannier

God forbid a woman should breastfeed her child! There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeding and cuddling a baby to sleep it’s what we are biologically wired to do. Ignore this OP

I don’t have much advice I’m afraid and I know it doesn’t help but I think you’ve had a lucky escape from this childminder if I’m honest.

Of course it is what we are wired to do and what I did with my own but I didn't need anyone else to care for them. But when people do that right up to then expecting someone else to get them to sleep it can he hard. Not all of the children in someone's care can be cuddled or rocked to sleep at the same time.

OP, keep working on your little ones sleep and book some more settling in sessions at other places. They should give it more of a chance than just 1 session and be able to work with you on the sleep.

Yes of course it's what we are naturally supposed to do. Unfortunately we are not naturally designed to leave our babies for 40 plus hours a week either....so we should prepare them in plenty of time in order to make transition for baby as best as possible. Or are you saying a starving screaming over tired baby for 40 hours is best?

As an ex-childminder I say you've had a lucky escape! I minded loads of babies who were difficult to settle, wouldn't sleep/feed etc. I never gave up on any of them and they all settled eventually. Keep trying other childminders.

What about nurseries where your partner works?

Does he settle in a sling? Just thinking that baby wearing would mean a CM could still be with her other children.

Childcare issues are so goddamn stressful. I agree with everyone else, you’ve got to take the setback and keep trying all other options.

Join the local parents Facebook groups and look for nanny shares? Try the next closest childminder. Get on the waiting lists for the 3 closest nursery and contact the 4th and 5th closest.

(Oh and vote Labour - Tories don’t give a flying fuck about childcare)

Agree that you need to blitz the childcare possibilities. Get on the waiting list for as many nurseries as possible. Post on loads of local Facebook groups, search wherever you can think! It will work out, it always does.

(Don't even give that first childminder another thought)

It’s good to know that Keir Starmer has prioritised a baby’s naps in his manifesto

As much as a good childminder should be used to this I actually take a different view to the majority and think it’s good she has been honest rather than providing sub standard care for this baby or other children.

Theres still another month to go and that’s a long time for a baby.