Childminder issue. Advice...

[Cluelessfirstimer]

Going back to work sooner than planned due to cost of living. Already feel awful about it but suddenly been slapped in the face with a new obstacle. Below details. I'll keep it short.

Found baby (5 months) a childminder and he went for the settling in days. Childminder has now said he just would not settle with her and was "hard to get down for a nap" refused to take him.

He is. That's true. I'm trying shh pat worh various results right now.

He is due to start 1st December. Family live too far away to help. What the fuck do I do?! Hardly any childminders in my area and what if the next one says the same? 3 closest nurseries are full for under 1s and partner works over an hour away and i dont drive. I mostly WFH but having him here with me just won't be fair.

CM here 👋🏻
it can be very hard when you have three children and one of them is very distraught, the bad mood spreads and suddenly it can get quite overwhelming.
however, it’s our job, so you find ways of smiling and getting through it. This childminder clearly didn’t have enough care in her, so you are better off looking elsewhere. We aren’t all like that, promise.

As for breastfeeding babies to sleep, obviously if that’s your routine, it’s not compatible with childcare. Can your child take a bottle? Can dad try take over feeds and putting baby down for nap so they get used to someone else doing it other than you? I bf, I am all for it, but I can’t pretend, it is often a stumbling block during settling in.

This doesn't help your childcare issue but I think you have dodged a bullet with that childminder. Who advertises baby care and then can't cope with a fussy baby that won't go down for a nap on cue? Really? What else would they not have been able to cope with?

Partner works in central London and I'd rather not choose a nursery there because of the costs.

Why is it not "we have a problem with childcare, we would rather not do XYZ because". Oh, is it because organising (and paying for?) the childcare is the woman's job??

Although I suspect at this late stage all the nurseries near his work will be booked up with massive waiting lists. You never know though, they may have had a cancellation or someone moving out of area at short notice for your age of baby. Worth checking.

You may need to use an agency to get a nanny or very experienced 'mother's help' in for a few weeks or months until you can find nursery or childminder care. And you AND your partner will have to suck up the extra costs proportionately for the greater longterm good of the household finances. Not just you.

think it’s good she has been honest rather than providing sub standard care for this baby or other children.

That's true.

I admire the CM in question actually, sometimes children might not be suited to their setting and it’s best to be honest. Child carers are only human and juggling multiple children is a big responsibility. Obviously as parents we may not see it that way and expect them to just deal with children that don’t settle.

It’s not the OP’s fault or the babies, but having had a problematic child at my CM’s setting, I was relieved when they left, as I think she was worn to a shred.