Does anybody manage to parent without ever using screens?

[Anneofwindypoplars]

I think I am going to ban it. I’m fed up of DS bringing the remote to me and then making this horrible noise (URRRR) if I put on the ‘wrong’ programme.

I work three days a week and I’m not sure how I’ll manage getting ready in the morning without the support of the TV.

For the time I’m off we spend a lot of time out of the house anyway but there are pockets when we’re in, and that will increase now the clocks have gone back (I’ve chosen a great time to do this.)

DS isn’t remotely interested in craft and I am also rubbish at it. Any suggestions? The main times I rely on screens are when eating, when getting ready and winding down for bed. I may have to keep it for mealtimes. DS 2 in December.

My kids didn’t watch any TV until they were 2 and I told them the there were no programmes in TV until the afternoon until they were well into primary school. At 2 I usually allowed them up to half hour while I cooked dinner and it went up gradually so they eg had an hour after school only. They played in the garden, did jigsaws, looked at books, played “music” on toy instruments, built duplo, played with toy cars, dolls etc. when they got to 3/4 we played board games, built train tracks etc. And we went out every day they weren’t at nursery without fail, eg to park, library, soft play, rhyme time, walk in the woods to find things, local farm. It was hard work sometimes but they gradually learnt to amuse themselves.

I was quite strict around screens even into teenage years, eg no more than two hours individually a day (but more if we were eg watching film or playing game together). Then Covid hit and we all did whatever we had to to make it through and it’s hard to come back from that! So I warn you to restrict it as long as you can as it’s a slippery slope otherwise! But they are now old enough that they have to take responsibility themselves - though I still tell them to stop if been on for what seems like forever.

We had no screens at all until mid primary. Two kids 18 months apart in age. It’s easier to do none at all that try to negotiate limits. Just say no and turn it off. It’s life changing.

We are TV junkies in our house. DDs don't have tablets during school week anymore and our lives are so much better for it!

TV in the morning with breakfast then after school until homework then it's play time all night. Unlimited tablet at the weekends though. We always do something together but we really push proper chill out time and they both eventually get bored of screens naturally and the just play a game/lego together.

Everyone is different OP. As PP said, I have never met a non-screen family IRL they only exist here on MN.

We did nearly a year of no screens at all (no t.v, no phone, no tablet) when DS was 2 til 3.
We'd had a sleep consultant who suggested it and it was absolutely life changing in terms of his sleep (I know that's not what you're asking).
We had the TV in a different room so he didn't really see it (still do actually)
I got a dolls house and a play kitchen from the charity shop and in the evening after he'd gone to bed I'd set all his toys up in little scenes for the morning, he'd come down to see what they'd been up to overnight and that bought me enough time to do breakfast.
Fairly soon after the screen w gone he'd stop.looking for it.
He'd "read" little books to himself too.
We still only have maybe 20 minutes of TV a few times a week now and he's 5 next week- he never really noticed it wasn't there and we just have it for a treat. Our little DS is 2 and he's never really watched screens either.
My older son's imaginative play is fantastic too- it's not easy but it's definitely been an improvement for us.

At 2, we used to put In The Night Garden on before bed as part of our bedtime routine but that was the only thing DS watched. Smart phones weren’t a thing so that part was easy.

I think you just need to decide what you are happy with and enforce it consistently which might mean that your son objects until he gets used to the new system, but it won’t take long. That doesn’t have to be no screens at all and it might be easier to cut back gradually. My priority would be stopping using screens during meal times.

I know everyone is different but I grew up with zero restrictions on the telly. I watched a fair bit but it was never my first choice, my first choice was to be out playing with friends. I drew, played with toys, and watched telly when no friends were in. As an adult, I'm not overly fussed about telly now. I'll watch shows that I like but will happily read or do a hobby in the evenings instead. I can also ignore the telly in the background when it's on. However, DH was only allowed one half hour educational TV programme once a week growing up. He was constantly left out of the games at school (he had no idea what turtles or power rangers were), and as an adult, he also can't ignore a telly when it's on, he'll sit and watch it even if it's something he doesn't like / isn't interested in (like in a pub or background noise in someone's else pub). He also loves reading too though so doesn't need it on in his free time, so we're pretty similar really as adults apart from the ability to ignore it when it's on.

I honestly have no idea what the right answer is. I try to meet in the middle of our upbringings, so I have my own boundaries. No telly until 3pm, 90 minutes max with an afternoon snack. No telly at proper mealtimes (we eat at the table), no telly mornings and no telly before bed. It's working for us so far. But for example, I'm 26 weeks pregnant and DH and I are trying to get things done today and DS has decided to be a nightmare today so we have the telly on just now whilst we finish the painting. So being a little flexible is ok too. I do find the more he watches, the more he wants it so some days I'll scale back or make sure I have a day or two of skipping it.

Basically, each to their own. Do what's right for you. If you feel it's becoming too much, then scale back, I wouldn't say there's a need for a total ban but again, that's your call! I don't think there's a right answer, just us all trying to find our own way to navigate it.

This might be helpful - solidstarts.com/downloads/how-to-get-rid-of-screens-at-mealtimes/, there is a cost but if you can’t afford it you can email and they’ll provide free access. They have helped solve my 2 year old daughters picky eating!

Hi Op, our 'screen free' day looked like this when mine was before 2. Things changed a wee bit when naps phased out.

Important habits for us as she grew were

• no TV before lunch time
• no TV on as default when coming home/in the door
• no TV as default when making dinner as I wanted/ needed to be with her when watching stuff and I felt it was important that she didn't expect to be entertained whenever I was busy
• we started TV watching with just dvd s ( Balmory rara etc) or watching recorded episodes of stuff. This avoided the temptation for us to leave it running and stops the addictive element of it all securing into one)
• Once naps stopped quiet time after lunch and books extended into 1 hrs of cbeebies to give me some mind space then activity or outside

This all gave her good habits I think because she regulates herself with TV now, switching it off to play usually after 1 hr or so and it only goes on to watch something specific. We do watch more in the evening now as a family eg the chase, strictly, ninja warrior, doghouse etc. We enjoy our family viewing time.

At 2 yrs:

Slept to about 6 then through to our room for milk , chat, books
7 up and downstairs , I or dh make breakfast , dd potters about playing/ helping
Breakfast at table then dh went to work ( I know, very 50s, post covid mostly wfh)
We'd finish up and do general tidy
I'd have put a few things out on floor or things on toy shelves in living room and she'd toddle off to play( at this age she needed me there all the time even though she didn't need me to join in)
We'd go out to park or swimming or shopping or walk or toddler group or whatever
Back for lunch
At table for lunch together if i finished quickly I'd read to her while she ate or we just chit chatted but her speech didn't blossom till almost 3 (aspergers and other emotional additional needs)
After lunch we had medicine drink( a good routine marker for us) and books ( she still has this at 7)
Then nap
Play / sing / dance / scribbling/ playing with water/ out in garden/ following her lead
Walk to shop or local park in late afternoon then home to make dinner
Safety gate on kitchen door and living room door at this age
So I could see her in the living dining bit while she pottered and played. She wasn't always happy about this especially with her increased attachment needs but it was the safest way and she learned to play and occupy herself as long as she could see me. If she really wasn't happy I put her in a sling or on my hip for a bit. She was teeny.

After dinner more playing/ books but I think by almost 2 and a half that changed to cbeebies from about half 5 until bedtime routine started at half 6.

We are older parents and I am a sahm ( i am aware this makes a difference in terms of emotional space to engage amd gdneral tine available). We were also aware that our daughter was susceptible to being sucked in to the TV world and shutting off as it were. Making it part of our routine day has helped.
We did try giving her Mr tumble on the ipad for 15 mins or so to let me shower etc but tantrums ensued pretty quickly and she completely zoned out which I didn't think she needed at that age do we stopped it altogether.

I know our needs and aims will be different from yours but you might get a few nuggets that you could try.

Thank you. I shall try it - mornings and evenings are definitely the danger spots so to speak.

I'm not going to lie Op it was mind numbing at times but I concentrated on our relationship and I personally enjoyed coming up with different ideas for play/ activity. Letting her follow you around while you do house stuff is good once she could walk. It's also good as when she moans or gets demanding you realise there's no quick fix you just have to keep reviewing your boundaries and following her interests. As you can imagine my house is a bit of a mess / homely (depending on your take on it or how polite you are)as it's not our priority. It gets blitzed by us all when needed.
Do what works for you. Try different things but let things become routine I think is really helpful. They'll go with the flow more then.
Good luck with what you try.