Does anybody manage to parent without ever using screens?

[Anneofwindypoplars]

I think I am going to ban it. I’m fed up of DS bringing the remote to me and then making this horrible noise (URRRR) if I put on the ‘wrong’ programme.

I work three days a week and I’m not sure how I’ll manage getting ready in the morning without the support of the TV.

For the time I’m off we spend a lot of time out of the house anyway but there are pockets when we’re in, and that will increase now the clocks have gone back (I’ve chosen a great time to do this.)

DS isn’t remotely interested in craft and I am also rubbish at it. Any suggestions? The main times I rely on screens are when eating, when getting ready and winding down for bed. I may have to keep it for mealtimes. DS 2 in December.

We don't use screens. DD is two next month (and we also have a two month old). I admit that DD is a fairly easy toddler and if she wasn't I might well use a screen a bit!

Eating we (mostly) all do together so we're talking together. If DD ever does eat alone one of us will sit with her and chat anyway.

Getting ready, she just comes with me and potters round our room with a teddy (or, more recently, sits on the potty) while I get dressed (I do tend to shower at night when she's in bed).

Bedtime we do bath then book.

In the house in general, we do books, colouring, simple jigsaws, building blocks, toy cars, Duplo, etc as things she has pretty much free access to. For times when I can supervise her more closely, we have paint, playdo, a box of sand, water play, and she'll also enjoy mixing all the ingredients for a cake or something together.

We go out somewhere (often to the park, but she also does a few church style playgroups, and swimming) pretty much every day, which I find breaks the day up, though if I'm honest I think I care more about that than DD does, she doesn't seem fussed if we stay home all day, whereas I don't like it!

Thanks. The TV when eating will probably be the last to go, as it’s a struggle to get him to eat at all without a distraction. Just screams to get down from high chair or plays with toys. Once we stopped fighting for want of a better word mealtimes became pleasant. It drives me nuts but right now it’s how it is. I’ll probably try him in the lounge where he normally eats but without the television.

But PP are right that he’s got worse at playing with toys since he’s got more into the television, which is a shame. So I think I will trial cold turkey - god knows how it’ll go!

If you're setting rules then all the adults need to be on the same page. Once that's done, it's easy tbh because the rules do the work for you - child whines for phone etc and you just say 'oh that won't be until 5, let's go and do X'.

I stuck to half an hour a day until age 5. I feel I was lucky to be bringing ds up pre smartphones. Meals and bedrooms were screen free for years. My pet hate is tv being on in the background while the child does something else - that really is ruining language development imo.

If your kid is watching TV while they are eating they are not paying attention to their food or what signals their body is giving them about hunger / fullness. Its so bad for them and could lead to problems with food later. You need to stop this now. OK he may not eat much for a few mealtimes and there will be some crying and screaming but then he'll get used to it. He will not starve. Don't do this to your kid.

Try posting on the weaning board or starting another thread for eating ideas, maybe. Like is it specific foods he doesn’t like, or the high chair, or would he rather eat with fingers… what’s going on there, sounds like it would make your life easier if you could crack that.

otherwise as a PP has said, it doesn’t set up good eating habits, you’re kind of dodging the issue rather than solving it.

Sadly I have! (Well, even they are not totally screen free, but they allow something like 3 hours a week an that inlcudes television).

They are ever so slightly smug about it and the topic comes up a very great deal mainly about how everyone else is doing it wrong. (God forbid anyone mentiones roblox in passing!)

I think that this is a 'them' issue though rather than a screen free parenting in general issue.

But I agree with other posters. Set your own boundaries and adapt as required. Personally I wish we were much stricter from the beginning.

Mind you, I bloody hate roblox and wish we had never allowed that in our house. That was a lockdown home working / needing to keep the Dcs occupied decision.

He doesn’t ever go on my phone or similar, it’s just the TV. I have already said that I’ll trial eating with no TV, but may have to rethink - not sure. Monday - Wednesday is fine as he eats at nursery but then the rest of the week can be tricky. I can probably eat out for lunch but can’t afford that indefinitely! Anyway - not really posting about that.

What happens when he's at nursery and at a restaurant when he's eating? I'd be making that the first to go, not the last.

OP the screen at meal time needs to be the FIRST thing to go, not last. I’m not sure why you’re that bothered about eliminating it asap but prefer to keep it for meal time for the time being and then get rid?

your son isn’t listening to his own body signals while eating because he’s too glued onto the screen. That is damaging! Okay he might scream but you then comfort him and try and distract him with other things. If he doesn’t eat then he doesn’t eat, he will eventually, he won’t starve. After a few days it’ll be as if he’s always eaten without a screen

I've noticed my kids are very different with me and their dad. He will put the TV on without thinking about it. If he puts his foot down they whine at him. I don't like the TV on much so I say no. They still whine but they just accept it and soon start playing with toys or doing activities. My youngest (2) is a nightmare if we let her watch TV - if we turn it off, she has a really long tantrum after.

My point is that kids respond to your direction. Does he watch TV at nursery ? If so does he eat ok there? You may have a few difficult days at home but kids usually adjust to change within a 3 day period so I would ride it out. Go cold turkey and then when you reintroduce TV give it for defined periods of time (like 30 minutes). Make it clear when it's the last episode so he can prepare for it going off.

As others have said, TV at meal times isn't great. If he needs distraction can you all sit down as a family and talk to him? Could you make the meals fun by shaping his dinner into fun shapes etc? It does sound tricky if he needs a distraction but as I said, he should adapt within a few days if you stay firm.

Try something completely different like a “picnic” on a rug with teddies, or sit him on your lap and let him eat off your plate. So it’s not that the ONLY thing different is the telly, and it will give him other distractions and interesting things going on.

You said he likes toys in his high chair- I’d give in to that for a bit as well. Pick the toys that are easy to clean and let him play with those at mealtimes. It’s a much easier habit to break later but also it doesn’t really matter at high chair age!

I’m really not asking advice re eating at the moment thanks. Just how a screen free day might look is grand.

I haven’t said he likes toys in his high chair. He hates his high chair. It’s in the garage.

I'm 50, I think my great grandmother didn't have screens. Difference is, her kids were probably out playing in the street from dawn until dusk. I bet they had a lot more fun then as well.

Oh sorry, yeah from one of your previous posts you’d said about him playing with toys / wanting to get down from the chair and I’d conflated the two.

I’m with others - for me tv is used to get me and kids a rest, so never during meals, getting ready etc. We didn’t have a tv while DD1 was small but got one in the end when we discovered how hard it was to get any rest without it!

I hear what you are saying about the meals but think of it like this, you are teaching him that he needs tv for eating. Generally, unless other specific issues, children will eat if hungry enough and he will get hungry if he never eats at mealtimes. I know it’s easy to give this kind of advice but if I were you I’d focus on making mealtimes an enjoyable time where you eat together, talk, sing etc. Don’t get me wrong, mealtimes with my kids can be chaotic and stressful but it’s part of the long road to teaching them what we want is a time we all sit, chat and eat. I imagine it will be harder to get there the longer you delay/ avoid teaching those skills/expectations.

Yeah I don’t think I’ll be sending my 22 month old out to play in the street

We did no screens until both DC were 2 years old.

Then CBeebies only for half an hour before dinner whilst I made dinner.

Now they do an hour of CBBC after school.

I’m really not looking for advice about eating thanks. I’ll trial eating in the lounge without the TV.

Just how a screen free day might look is grand.

in that case I would say- everything individually is a bit more of a battle eg if I was hoovering I would have DS wanting to be “chased” with the hoover, if I was showering I would have someone sat outside playing peepo with bubbles on the shower screen 🙄 so ngl individual tasks are more hard work.

However you do then get to a stage where they are more able to play by themselves and don’t just rely on tv, so it pays off. Plus it’s better for them and all that other stuff we get told all the time. Definitely worth it, good luck 💐

We do the same. Some tv for quiet time, bath, books, sleep

I've never got the mumsnet obsession with " screens". The TV was often on in the background when my kids were that age, they'd either watch what was on it or ignore it and play with their toys. Not impacted them negatively in any way

Take some comments with a pinch of salt - I know 2 year olds who are happy to look at books or potter around, calmly help prepare dinner etc and others like mine was (he's older now) who are absolute livewires and never sit still. For years watching tv was the only way I could safely cook dinner. He had zero interest in colouring/drawing, puzzles or craft.
We still have tv before school (they have to be dressed and have breakfast first so it's an incentive to get ready) and also while I cook dinner. But he's not into gaming or anything so overall has less screentime than lots of his peers who maybe were calmer as toddlers. Now he can happily occupy himself when needed by reading and Lego, but obviously neither of those were an option at age 2.... So life will change as he gets older.

In lockdown we fell into a pattern of having the TV on far too much (kids 1 and 3 then). We broke the habit by having a routine - they have a bit of TV in the morning when they're dressed and ready if there's time. A bit after lunch. A bit just before dinner but that's always an educational type of video from a YouTube channel.

Each time around half an hour. It's more than I'd ideally like but they don't nag for telly as they know when it's allowed and we don't put it on outside those times.

Sometimes you need to experiment with putting your foot down on something as a parent to realise the power you have to shape their environment. It's usually not the easiest option but it empowers you to bring up your child how you want.

So for example bedtimes - they go to bed and stay in bed. They tidy up after themselves. They dress themselves. All of it takes patience and support but kids are capable of way more than we give them credit for. They'll fight you when you change something but within a few days it's just the new norm.

The whole gentle parenting ethos these days is good in many ways but it suggests that any upset your child goes through is somehow equal to trauma or distress and shouldn't be tolerated. You can be kind and compassionate but firm too.

I know you don't want to discuss the food thing but he definitely wouldn't starve without a telly! It's about your own convenience and what you're prepared to battle on. I give in out of laziness on many things (our house is a tip) but I think focused mealtimes are important. There are links between obesity and eating in front of a screen. We have plenty of mealtime tantrums but we push through and very often, it's my favourite time of the day.

Also parenting was very different. There was usually a dedicated stay at home parent/housewife who didn't do much else. Children were to be seen and not heard and behaviour expectations (and the methods to achieve that) were often very different. In a modern world I think it wound be quite hard to parent completely screen free. It's just another ball to juggle especially at young toddler age when they do need a lot of input. Trial what works for you OP but I honestly wouldn't stress it too much. Different lifestyles need it at different times. Personally we are out a lot and my dc are very active. We often sit down for dinner and put something light hearted on the tv that doesn't take a lot of concentration (we don't have space to sit round a table in our flat). My dc are fit and slim, have a great relationship with food and don't just mindlessly stuff food in - they stop when they are full. After tea they are off out again to various activities or doing homework. For many that's akin to a crime but it works for our family. It's about the only time they do watch tv.