What happens if you don't sleep train?

[Bringmethesleep]

Just that really...I'd love to hear some first hand experiences of what happens if you DON'T sleep train your little one? Do they get there in their own time? Or will the misery just continue forever? Hit me with your experiences...

I went from having my first in our bed to lying with her while she dropped off in her own bed and then sneaking off around 15 months, gradually she stopped waking in the night and by two she was mainly sleeping through. 3.2 now and will occasionally wake up but usually still sleeps 11-12 hours through.

I have a 10 months old who is still in bed with us, expecting -a similar process.

I don’t know how old your little one is, but I should say I bed shared from pretty early on both times because it maximised sleep for me. This time round we have a super king which is better. Smaller duvet for me and my husband that doesn’t stretch right across bed, her in a sleep sack between me and the wall.

I think the answer to your question really depends on your child, their current sleep habits and any other underlying issues. I put DD down for bed and had her self settle at night from five months. She didn’t sleep through until eight months old but I think she needed those night feeds due to hunger. If your baby cannot link sleep cycles and wakes looking for a cuddle/feed to get back off to sleep again then likely you need to do something to get longer stretches of sleep.
What do you think is going on with your baby?

I coslept with my eldest from day one …moved her into her own room on a double low / floor bed at 12 months and I would lay down to sleep with her, sneak off and have evening with husband / myself and go in with her at first wake up. This was typically around 11pm. Now she’s 2.5 years and I have another baby so husband goes in with toddler around 11pm still. She then doesn’t wake up again but he’s in the room with her. If we leave her again she wakes up again around 2am so it’s just easier …she also now sleeps in her own little bed but husband sleeps in double in the same room

So yes, still not sleeping through alone but she was a very, very bad sleeper as a baby so probably on the extreme end! I think she probably would do it with some gentle encouragement like resettling her and then leaving for a few weeks but we honestly just can’t be bothered as too tired and didn’t want her to feel pushed out when new baby arrived

I had no idea what I was doing with sleep so was just letting baby stay up until they started drifting off. They are now 2 and a half years old and can only now be put into bed awake to self settle

I have not sleep trained. DD now 27 months.

We have always co slept. She has been at nursery from 12 months, and when she is there she goes and finds her sleep mat at nap time, lays down, goes to sleep.

At home she was fed to sleep and co slept, however she naturally started dropping feeds. We got her a bed for her room and she wanted to sleep in there instead - i would feed her to sleep and i started gradually going into my own bed. She then started sleeping longer chunks. She still needs to be resettled in the night but falls asleep instantly with some comfort.

If I go out, she (eventually) falls to sleep with cuddles from Dad.

This is what works for us as a family. She is a very sensitive child. She is confident and well attached to us so I am happy with our approach.

I think maybe have a read of the sleep board on here to get a feel for possible issues.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/sleep

I know many parents find co-sleeping wonderful but the research does show that babies who co-sleep wake more frequently through the night, albeit for shorter durations. I personally decided against doing it because I struggle to get back to sleep after night wakes.

We spent from around 4 months to 22 months co sleeping at some point in the night. Multiple wakes/sleep crying leading to wakes, spending ages sometimes lying on her floor until she fell asleep of an evening. She then just started sleeping through! Nowadays she spends almost every night asleep in her cot from 6.30-7.30. She did drop her nap super young though, at 18 months which helps with bedtime and the number of hours she sleeps a night. The closest we got to sleep training was leaving her to cry for 5 mins at bedtime because we'd exhausted all other options and sometimes staying in there kept her awake. We tried literally every environmental factor you can think of, temperature, duvet, no duvet, sleep bag, blankets, full tummy/not too full up, pyjamas, vest, nightlight, no nightlight and on and on, can't say any of it made the blindest bit of difference

Absolutely nothing happens. I never sleep trained either of my children (and it certainly wasn't because they slept well - they definitely didn't!).

We coslept until they were happy to go into their own beds (around 2.5-3yrs iirc). I breastfed them to sleep every night until they stopped breastfeeding, and after that sat with them until they were asleep for as long as they needed to. Eventually they both told me to bugger off 😅

They are 8 and 10 now, take themselves to bed at bedtime, sleep all night by themselves. It possibly took them a bit longer to get to that point than if I had sleep trained them (although maybe not, who knows), but from my perspective it was a LOT easier.

There are many routes to healthy well-adjusted children. Do what works for you.

No sleep training here. And my DS is nearly 5 and has essentially claimed my bed as his own bed. He says he's not ready to sleep in his own bed. Even though I bought him a new big boy bed this year and decorated his room as he wanted. Hey ho. I'll enjoy the snuggles whilst I've got them and we can keep each other warm this winter!

Responded to every wake that my DD has/had and she started sleeping through the night at 12 months. We co-slept, rocked, fed, sang, cuddled to sleep..everything people tell you not to but did whatever worked to get her off to sleep. Now all she needs is a quick cuddle or sometimes just lay her down and Pat her bum or leave her with her bunny, whichever she wants.
She wakes occasionally in the night now at 15 months but she's teething so I don't mind.
Up until 12 months it was tough, some of her worst times she would wake every hour but I refused to buy into sleep training which I think is cruel and just teaches a child to not signal when they need you.
I'm glad I didn't sleep train as she got there when she was ready.

Look into the history of sleep training and you’ll see it’s a pretty new concept. It’s designed to try and mould infants and their normal infant behaviour to be more convenient for adults and modern society.

Babies do and need what babies have always done and needed since the dawn of time. You can accept it and maximise sleep for the whole family around that or you can fight it. If you fight it hard and long enough you might get a baby who stops bothering to disturb you. But it doesn’t work for all babies anyway.

Sleep is developmental like walking and talking. Cave babies grew into cave children who slept enough and pitched in with cave life and responsibilities. Everyone gets there in the end.

What happens if you don't leave your children to cry at night in the hope they go to sleep on your terms? They don't cry and go to sleep. Sleep training is just leaving them to cry for you at night until they accept you aren't coming up to cuddle them right? I've had 3 children and never done this, they don't go to sleep when you demand whilst they are little but they aren't distressed or crying. I co-slept/still co-sleep (youngest is only 1) and I also breastfed until just over age 2, still going with the third. The older 2 who are 4 and6 have gone to bed in their own bed no issues since being around 3, they come in some mornings for a cuddle and are welcome in our bed during the night if they are scared or feel unwell, or just need a cuddle, doesn't happen often.

My friend did this training thing and was telling me how she sat downstairs listening to her baby cry upstairs crying herself as she knew she needed to do it. She really didn't. She puts her 7 and 5 year old to bed at 6.30pm like it's a military camp, ours go up to bed at 7.30pm for stories and cuddles and they are left to go to sleep at 8pm. Each to their own I guess. Nothing happens, they all arrive at the same place, one just involves less distress but inconveniences you more. I didn't have children to carry on life as though I didn't have kids I guess. I'll add I work ft in a demanding job, I'm not a sahm who can nap in the day either if I'm disturbed in the night, still didn't feel the need to train them though.

DD was in a next to me until 7 months. Then she moved into her own room. She fed to sleep until she was about 20 months old but was so excited to move into her own bed from a cot that she stopped feeding to sleep and DH did bedtime for a while.
We did sit with her while she went to sleep which took a while but we got her a yoto player when she was 2 and shes asleep in 5 mins now and generally sleeps all night.

She didn't start sleeping through until I stopped feeding to sleep but even now has phases (nightmares etc) that means she wakes at night occasionally.

I never did any form of sleep training. We co slept until they didn't want to anymore (although they always started the night in their own bed, own room from about 7 months)
I breastfed them until they were ready to stop. If they fell asleep feeding then I put them down. If they didn't then I put them down.

They are 18 and 16 now and still asleep (in their own beds) so they must have learnt to sleep at some point

Youngest is 25. Never heard of sleep training back in the day. Moved into a cot in their own room at 6 months. Never slept in our bed. Absolutely no problems with settling or sleeping.

No sleep training here. Both kind of just settled themselves into their nap routine and changed it themselves as they got older and reduced sleep time.

Both preferred their own cot and a dark room rather than being cuddled to sleep so that helped massively.

Both wanted to be asleep overnight so would wake to feed and then go back to bed easily.

Eldest was about 12 m when he stopped waking for a feed, youngest far earlier (thankfully).

Relatively easy ride sleep wise but my goodness they were hard babies when awake.

@AuntieDickhead when / how did they let you know they no longer wanted to cosleep if you don’t mind me asking? I have a cosleeping toddler and baby…Toddler is almost 3 and starts the night in her own bed but still wakes 11pm for cuddles. We like the cuddles just curious!

They just stopped coming into my bed. DS1 was about 4. Then regressed when his dad left for a few months.
DS2 was about 9. TBF I could have stopped him sooner. But I didn't mind.

A lot of people I know in this scenario spend nights with kids in beds/one parent in one bed with one kid, another in another with the baby. They talk about getting used to having no sleep.

DD is only one and things aren’t perfect yet but her sleep is ok and we haven’t sleep trained.

I used to either rock her to sleep or put her down in her crib sleepy but gently hold her arms until
she was fully asleep as she used to flail them and wake herself up.

For the past few months I’ve been giving her milk, putting her in the cot awake on her back with her dummy and white noise, she usually sits up straight away and crawls about, stands up holding the cot, I let her mess about but if she cries I’ll put her dummy back in and put her back down on her back, if she lies near me I’ll put my hand through the bars and stroke her head. It takes her anywhere from 10 mins to an hour to fall asleep but she does it largely unassisted now. I’m starting to leave the room when she’s settled but not yet asleep and hopefully will get to the point I can just do bedtime routine, put her to bed and leave but I’m not in any rush. She generally sleeps 7.30-7/7.30 with one wake up at 5ish for milk so I get time in the evening to myself and a decent amount of sleep. She still only contact naps and that will need to change as she’s going to nursery soon, I’ve been working on it.

I co slept with both of mine, one was in my bed until 18 months when the second was born and I'd sometimes lay with them until they fell asleep until they started settling themself, the other followed the same.

I'd follow a routine and bed was 7 until eldest was 8 when we put them up to 7.30, then 8pm now. 8 and 10 now and great sleepers, we often stay in hotels and they can handle the odd late night but both need their sleep! There was a lot of chat about cry it out when mine were small but I could never do it. Know a few who did and tbh (though probably more their style of parenting tbf) their kids are little tearaways. Mine aren't angels but come to us when they need affection or a cuddle, occasionally I'll lay in bed if they can't sleep with them but it's nice once in a while!

Our rule with DS was that he always started the night in his own bed. If he woke before 1am we would resettle him and leave him to sleep in his own bed. After 1am I would bring him into our bed and settle him there.

When he was older and more mobile he would tiptoe into our bed in the night.

Night visits gradually became less frequent, and were down to once or twice a week by the time he started school, and during his first year of school he grew out of coming to our bed altogether.

My view is there’s absolutely no point in sleep training as it all goes to shit once they can get up and out of their own bed anyway.