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Original poster

How wonderful are second (or more) children - a positive thread

32 replies

Pheebe · 28/01/2008 08:04

Hi All

I keep reading threads about how difficult second (or more) babies are, how going back to the dreadful sleepless nights is a nightmare, how you fall out of love with first dcs (!!!) how life is massively more hard work and everything generally sucks to start with, how resistant DH/Ps are to even try because they think it will be so awful...

Well I disagree completely !!! and wanted to share some positive experiences about the arrival of my DS2. I'm hoping this thread will give some comfort to mums ttc second or more bubs and about to be second or more mums.

He arrived at the beginning of November so he's nearly 3 months now. Birth was far quicker and easier than DS1 even though I went 2 weeks over and was induced by ARM. He's been the most calm and relaxed baby I've ever come across, slept for most of the first 5 weeks. He's bottle fed and has taken to that like a dream. Still sleeping brilliantly, in bed at 7pm along with his big brother and we don't see him again til 3-5am apart from a dream feed just before we go to bed. He was so easy we took him on holiday for a week at just 4 weeks old and he was easier to manage than his 3 year old brother. There is more work to do and we're now waking at least once in the night but I can honestly say it hasn't been anything like the shock it was with DS1, neither of us feel sleep deprived or resentful of the loss of sleep. DS1 is besotted and its brought out a caring side or him that is wonderful to see. He's such a good boy that DH is cutting his work down to part time so I can start back part time and we both get lots of time with both our beautiful boys.

I realise how lucky i am before I get flamed!! my aim here is to show the positive side of second or more babies not belittle the struggle some people face

So here's a huge cheer for second babies, they are hard work but the whole experience can be wonderful

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Christywhisty · 28/01/2008 08:31

My DD was such a content baby who hardly ever cried. My Dad never heard her cry until she was 2 and they looked after her a day every fortnight.
Thanksfully both slept through the night from 3 months anyway.

I thought second babies seemed to be easier as you know what your doing, obviously they do have different personalities and some babies are easier than others

posieflump · 28/01/2008 08:34

I admit to finding the second baby hard as i had a wilful 2 year old to contend with too but now they are older I wouldn't have changed it for the world.
They love each other, play with each other (so I don't have to!), laugh together and will share experiences with each other that in year's to come no one else will have done.

goingfor3 · 28/01/2008 08:35

I always thought second + were easier as you had more confidence. I certainly found dd2 much easier than dd1 not because she was better behaved but because I knew what I was doing and was very settled into the life of being a mum.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

belgo · 28/01/2008 08:35

DD2 was and still is such an easy child. She is certainly a very different personality to dd1, but my experiences with dd1 gave me far more confidence as a parent.

throckenholt · 28/01/2008 08:40

most of the people I know their second child was much easier and more easier going than the first.

Shannaratinger · 28/01/2008 08:42

I have been really lucky as both of my dc's have been quite easy as babies. DD was 4 wks early and is slightly behind but still fairly easy.
There's 3 years between them which i find is a nice gap as dd wasn't jealous and they now play togethter happily most of the time. dd(4) loves looking at books with ds(1).
Like Christy says you know what you're doing with second babies so are much more relaxed. Obviously you don't have as much one to one time but having another sibling to watch and play with makes up for this.

Original poster

Pheebe · 28/01/2008 09:50

Thanks everyone for replying. Its great to know I'm not the only one who's finding it easier second time around. For me the fear factor isn't there this time and I feel as though i can relax and really enjoy him as I (mostly) know what I'm doing. Its also bringing back all the wonderful times with DS1 that I somehow forgot in the effort to be 'the perfect parent'

OP posts:

hattyyellow · 28/01/2008 10:12

What a lovely and encouraging thread

ladette · 28/01/2008 10:43

I agree there are 2 factors: i) your confidence as a parent ii) the baby itself.

Am going to be poentially controversial now... this is purely an observation and I don't intend to offend anyone! If I look around our circle of friends, on the whole, the 2nd+ children are "nicer" than the first. I include my own in that if I am being totally objective, tho love them both the same. My theory is that 2nd+ children have to fit into a family from day one and learn social skills a lot younger than the PFBs who tend to be more doted on, and benefit from parents having learnt a lot about coping with negative characteristics/behaviours more readily. Obviously not true in every case, each child has their own personality which is a factor as well as the other things. Just a thought...

seeker · 28/01/2008 10:52

I LOVE LOVE LOVE having two. There's a big age gap- 5 years - but they love each other - he hero worships her and she dotes on him - it's lovely.

And he is such an easy child. Dd was a tantrum queen - fab, but volatile, to put it mildly. It took me ages to realize that ds was a completely different kettle of fish. I remember when he was about 3 hovering the ketchup bottle over his dinner and asking where he wanted it (half an inch to the left of the required spot would have produced a major melt down in dd) He looked at me in baffled wonder and said "On my plate, please"!

Original poster

Pheebe · 28/01/2008 11:05

Seeker - what a wonderful story DS2 is already fending for himself much more than I'd have allowed DS1 to, this time around I'm putting DS2 in his bed awake when I spot he's tired and as a result he's sleeping and napping much better than DS1 ever did at that age. With DS1 I thought he had to be asleep before I put him down so spent hours rocking and cuddling him...BIG mistake. Fortunately I realised the error of my ways and both of them are great sleepers

Ladette - I think you might have a point, I myself am a second child and am infinitely nicer and better socialised than my older brother

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Sunshinemummy · 28/01/2008 11:06

Thanks for this Pheebe. For someone who is expecting 2nd DC it's hugely encouraging.

I must admit to dreading and looking forward in equal measure. Dreading because I have forgotten what it's like to have sleepless nights, to deal with a child with wind, to feed a newborn etc. etc. And doing all this, this time, with a 2.5y old.

But also looking forward as I loved spending time with DS as a baby, I can't wait to meet this new little one and sometimes I see DS at the park looking at other children with siblings and think it would be lovely for him to have that.

RGPargy · 28/01/2008 11:06

My second DC is absolutely WONDERFUL!! I am so in love with her, she's just absolutely gorgeous! Her birth was a fab homebirth, although i couldn't go in the pool, which was a shame. Active labour was only 2 1/2 hours tho so i didn't really mind. She's an easy little baby, although didn't come without trying times for both myself and DP for the first four weeks with terrible colic, but now that's under control we couldn't possibly enjoy her any more because she is so utterly wonderful!

There is a big age gap between her and DS (17 years) but DS absolutely loves her to bits too and having DD now i'm that much older has been a total wonder and i cannot wait TTC DC3!!

scorpio1 · 28/01/2008 11:10

my second child is the best child there is.

slept through at 6 weeks of age, weaned beautifully, is very social but listens to me first time i tell him something, is very very loving and kissy and is so gentle for the biggish boy he is.

everyone wants to steal him but he is mine! (pics on profile if any of you want to steal him too)

MegSophandEmma · 28/01/2008 11:11

I am a single mum of 3 dd's. Ages are 6 yrs 5 yrs and 7 mths. I am completly on my own but I still have my little family of four. Yes the sleepless nights have been tough but having my girls all around me is just amazing. My two older girls are fantasically helpful. The main thing I have managed to do is enfisise (sp?) that in our home team work is hugeeee and very important". Lurve being a mummy of 3

Ps life doesn't have to stop either. I am aso a full time student who is managing to achive A's despite lack of sleep whooo hooo lolol

hatrick · 28/01/2008 11:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

JudgeNutmeg · 28/01/2008 11:23

My second child was an absolute bugger.

Where his elder brother was a sunny, humourous gorgeous asset to our lives, our second was a misery, frowny, doubtful and frankly rather spud-like. Both my dh and I had to fight to like him even though we loved him.

Everyday I berated myself for feeling differently about my younger son. When he was a toddler he would snatch, as a small child he was a loner. The comparison friends made between our children were embarassing and painful. Family members took it upon themselves to point out all his faults. My heart broke for all the opportunities he missed to have fun.

Throughout his early years, we have modelled fair and loving behaviour. Always tried to accentuate the positive, ignore his inate selfishness and praise, praise, praise any spark of interest in others.

He is now 8yo and is the most loving and lovable child. He finally has friends and can enjoy their company without fretting that they will get the better of him. He enjoys the company of adults now and contributes to family converstaions with jokes and smiles. Last week I collected him from school and he hopped in the car and said 'hey beautiful, how are you doin'?' and the week before that he spontaneously told my dh and I that he loved us. When he went to bed that night, I wept.

Some second children are hard, but when they finally blossom, it's worth so much more.

My second son.....he's gorgeous.

PippiCalzelunghe · 28/01/2008 11:36

Thanks for this Pheebe, you've made my day . DD2 will be arriving in two months and I am preparing for the worse. maybe I won;t now. DD1 was an angel but I still found it very difficult becasue I wasn't prepared for this new life. I think I'll be better skilled this time and much more relaxed. I am (stupidly) worried at times whether I'll have enough love for both and whether that love it'll be equal.

I am so looking forward to it...

Original poster

Pheebe · 28/01/2008 11:36

O I'm so glad I started this thread if only to hear a dc described as 'spud-like'

Judge - how wonderful for you, what fab parents you must both be and what a lucky 'spud' your ds2 is

MedSophandEmma - well done you!!

RGPargy - good to hear another positive second birth story too and glad you've got the colic under control

Scorpio - what gorgeous boys, our DS1 has the sportacus outfit too and can do all the arm movements and is currently scaring me to death jumping off the furniture and trying to do back flips

OP posts:

Original poster

Pheebe · 28/01/2008 11:40

Hi Pippi
I worried about the love thing too, loving DS1 sooo much I found it hard to imagine feeling the same about another baby but I do. There isn't a limit to love it just grows and grows with each new bublet. Congratulations it is fab

OP posts:

paddyclamp · 28/01/2008 15:08

It's definitely not as bad as people make out, especially in the early days!

Gets a bit more challenging when DC2 is on the move and into everything but having said that by that time DC1 is a bit older and becoming easier

Countingthegreyhairs · 28/01/2008 15:20

what a great thread ...

kbaby · 28/01/2008 21:30

Having DS wasnt as hard as having first born dd, sleep deprivation wasnt as bad, I got more sleep during the days with ds that I did with DD because I wasnt afraid to ask mil to help out, You dont get stresed out over sterilising the dummies etc as much, and
You have a built in entertiner who doesnt get fed up of doing the same thing time after time.
It does have its tough moments when baby is crying and the older child wants something but overall I look at them when they are playing together and my heart melts, Ds has learnt so much from DD and he will have a friend for life.

blueshoes · 28/01/2008 21:48

After a shocker of a dd, everyone promised me an easy second child - NOT!

Ds is every bit as strongwilled and vocal as dd, from the minute he was born. And also does not sleep (and still does not at 16 months), cannot self-entertain and is just generally high maintenance with a huge temper and even bigger personality.

But I would not change him for the world. The only difference is I learnt all my short cuts with dd, where I knew I had to compromise just to be able to get through the day, and was well over the PFB stage. You don't have to have an easy baby for the second child to be a good experience.

They love each other to bits and compete like crazy as well. The family somehow now feels like a FAMILY, far more so when it was only dd. Dd, in particular, loves boasting about her little brother - a huge status symbol amongst her friends.

cory · 29/01/2008 08:34

I have found that the whole difficult/demanding thing keeps changing round: my two take it in turns. Dd was sickly baby, demanding toddler, drama queen in infants and is now quite a relaxed mature preteen. Ds was a strong baby, easy-going toddler, happy-go-lucky little boy- and is now starting the tantrums and the neediness at 7. Oh well, I've got the experience!

Watching the two of them trot off together to the library or the shops, listening to them discussing their schoolday, seeing them snuggle up together: it's the greatest feeling in the world!

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