"They enjoy him so much and never get angry or frustrated, even if he is calling it to them"

[Seenandheard]

Says my mother in law tonight about my BIL (her son) and his new 2 month old baby.
It hurts because while we have a good relationship, I can't help but feel this was a sly dig at me. We lived with them for a year when my now 3 and 5 year old were 3 months and 2 years respectively. So they saw the worst of everything.. the sleep regressions, the teething, the endless endless nights where I would sometimes be so so mad (away from baby) saying "why won't they sleep? Aaaargh!!!"
My husband and I have always been open and jokey about how we aren't baby people (we adore our kids and they are turning out amazingly) but I have lost the plot many times so far, usually with a crying baby. It just used to send me into an actual cant see the woods for the trees type of panic.

So to hear that the newly minted parents "never get cross", they just "enjoy their baby" puts a massive lump in my throat and I can't shift it. Surely I'm not alone in finding it hard? I always knew there were people with endless endless patience out there (and let's face it, they are only 8 weeks in). But now I feel criticised (the comments were quite unrelated to a conversation we were having so felt more intentional) and deeply hurt and can't figure out if I'm being totally irrational.

Did anyone else find the early baby days drove them to the brink of insanity? Or am I just not cut out for parenting..... well, not a natural.

Sorry, typo in title. "Calling OUT to them",as in crying at night. (He went through an all night screamy phase for first few weeks)

How on earth does she know that? Is she with them 24 hours a day?

Give it time. I’m sure they will soon!

Ignore that shit. They’re putting the boot in. Remind them that you’re the one who will probably be picking their nursing home and grin evilly as you walk off with the kids that you enjoy now that they sleep.

8 weeks in? Give it time, give it time.
You are not alone op, the New born stage was pretty horrible. The second one was marginally better, but is proving to be a pretty fiery toddler, so you know swings and roundabouts.

Are your BIL and his wife and baby living with her? Or is she just seeing the carefully curated view of their life that they're letting her see?

My advice would be to forget it OP. Don't dwell on it. Your kids are 3 and 5 and turning out fab. These people are your family now and you can't hold on to little comments like this or you will end up bitter. She probably didn't mean for it to come across like that anyway. I'd let it go.

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

You are not alone in it. The baby years nearly sent me mad.

You can choose to roll your eyes and ignore or drill down and ask her exactly what she means in a puzzled way until she squirms, whichever seems easiest to you.

Just ignore. Maybe they are loving the baby stage, some people do or maybe they just aren’t letting her know that they’re finding it tough. Either way it is no reflection on you.

Ugh. Ignore it. 8 weeks is nothing. One of mine didn't sleep through the night until he was 7 years old. He was still waking 8 times a night aged 3 years.

At 8 weeks I was tired but coping and enjoying him. I think my patience held for several months after that but from about 12 months I used to just DREAD the nights and complained daily to my mum about how fucking hard it was. Doesn't mean I didnt/don't adore him.

If that was me, it wouldn't just be the feeling of her having a dig that was getting to me, but also the feeling of having been exposed and wishing I'd been better and more composed about it - that would really be the main problem in my head.
I was like you with my newborn - some nights drove me to the edge of reason.

I also meant to say, I guess you're going to have to just let it pass and in time the annoyance will pass. Though sounds like she might be back with some other nugget before too long!

Dh and I were smug like that with DS . Mainly because DD had been an evil sleep depriving vomit machine and had made me wait a decade and a half before considering another baby - yeah hated it that much ! But he was the type of baby that chugged a bottle of milk and slept for hours , never had wind or colic or anything, quite happy in a bouncer by the window , etc The opposite of DD . He’s about the most challenging 5 year old obe ever met I think , he has ASD and is freakishly intelligent but also quite antisocial and unpleasant at times.
MIL will have just been having a bit of dig and prod at you for sport . I wouldn’t even return fire with anything just completely blank those types of comments as if you never heard them. My life became wonderful when I stopped giving a shit about what was said or thought about me , we are also low contact with 3 family members and no contact with the rest and it’s sheer bliss !
please don’t let it bother you. The old cow won’t have been perfect herself you know .

Thank you everyone for your responses. It helps to read them!
To answer a question - she lives abroad so when she comes over she stays with us (and now them) so she will see them day and night.

I think its very true that I'm hard on myself and upset I couldn't be one of those calm calm calm mummies. We have two types of parent friends, the ones who complained with us and had a laugh about their new lives, and the ones who were absolutely serene and always seemed to enjoy it, even when number 3 came along in some cases!

I guess being completely honest, i"m also a tiny bit jealous that they get to have number one and spend every second looking at him.... I had that with my first but the second one was a case of survival, so she got left in the the bouncer a lot if she wasn't crying. I want to go back and do it all again, better.

You're right, I will ignore MIL. Well, I will try anyway. She is lovely and switched on, I just don't know why sometimes says the stuff she does. It does feel hurtful

I really dont think she is putting rhe boot in.she is just happy for them.It is allowed!

If she is lovely then maybe you could say 'That feels like a dig because we found it so hard' ? (or something like that.) I had to pull my mother up on a few occasions when she compared everything I did to my saintly sister who has perfect children and who parented perfectly in every way. To my mother's credit she realised what she was doing and was a bit embarrassed and stopped it sharpish.

Particularly witless thing for your MIL to say. No one....no one...enjoys being woken multiple times per night by a screaming baby. I really wouldn't stress about such an asinine comment. And it's fine not to be baby people. I didn't particularly enjoy the baby phase...they're essentially helpless screaming little lumps that rely on you for everything. Loved it when my DC became more independent and could take themselves to the loo alone and ask for a snack/drink.

All babies and parents are different, you can’t compare. She’s showing her stupidity to be honest. And for the record - I was an utter wreck during the newborn stage.

I hate all these ‘give it time’ comments - some people genuinely do LOVE every part of parenting, even the tougher parts, and it almost feels like some people believe they can’t be possible?

since my son was born all I ever hear is ‘urgh wait until….’ ‘Oh just you wait…’ and it’s so damn negative!

dont take offence OP. I don’t know whether she’s doing it to upset you, but I think given how hard you found that stage you’re probably just sensitive to any comments surrounding this.

I have never met anyone who genuinely loved every part of parenting quite honestly. That doesn't mean they didn't love every part of their kid because they did. It didn't mean they weren't philosophical about the tricky bits like wrangling a tantrumming toddler in a library, cleaning up a poonami in someone else's pristine bathroom, or holding a sobbing 9 year old whose best friend you literally want to kill in that moment. It just meant that they didn't love those bits and it helped to hear that others didn't love every second either and that they weren't bad parents as a result. It's not negativity it's honesty.

OP it's possible your MIL felt more like you did about tiny babies and is surprised herself at their attitude.

Yeah, she was trying to hurt you. Nice.

yeah she was trying to hurt you.Nice.
Of course she was, everyone knows MILs are witches and hate their DILs (at least they do on MN apparently).

@SunflowerGirl91 so honestly, you have never ever had a moment of 4 minutes or half an hour even of :
"Aaaargh. I am SO SO tired/ This has been a hard day/ WHY won't he/she sleep/am i doing this all wrong/what I wouldnt give to get 5 uninterrupted minutes to myself" etc etc. You have genuinely LOVED EVERY minute?

Don't get me wrong,I have no doubt you enjoyed it a lot more than me, and I'm not resentful of that. I'm genuinely happy for you. I'm just wondering now if it is also an element of some people not heeding these thoughts in the moment, or forgetting them and sticking with the "I love it all" narrative.

I have a few hard days and I so I cannot claim to love it ALL. The best I can claim is that I do absolutely love it, on the whole (!)but some days are unforgiving and tough.

so honestly, you have never ever had a moment of 4 minutes or half an hour even of :
"Aaaargh. I am SO SO tired/ This has been a hard day/ WHY won't he/she sleep/am i doing this all wrong/what I wouldnt give to get 5 uninterrupted minutes to myself" etc etc. You have genuinely LOVED EVERY minute?

Ignore the Mummy-guilt inducing people. Leave them to their Insta-worthy lives. I'm sure they love every poonami, vomit-fest and tantrum. I know when DD vomited her way through every sheet, towel and piece of bedding in the house I was smiling beatifically while looking stunning and cooking a three course meal.