"They enjoy him so much and never get angry or frustrated, even if he is calling it to them"

[Seenandheard]

Says my mother in law tonight about my BIL (her son) and his new 2 month old baby.
It hurts because while we have a good relationship, I can't help but feel this was a sly dig at me. We lived with them for a year when my now 3 and 5 year old were 3 months and 2 years respectively. So they saw the worst of everything.. the sleep regressions, the teething, the endless endless nights where I would sometimes be so so mad (away from baby) saying "why won't they sleep? Aaaargh!!!"
My husband and I have always been open and jokey about how we aren't baby people (we adore our kids and they are turning out amazingly) but I have lost the plot many times so far, usually with a crying baby. It just used to send me into an actual cant see the woods for the trees type of panic.

So to hear that the newly minted parents "never get cross", they just "enjoy their baby" puts a massive lump in my throat and I can't shift it. Surely I'm not alone in finding it hard? I always knew there were people with endless endless patience out there (and let's face it, they are only 8 weeks in). But now I feel criticised (the comments were quite unrelated to a conversation we were having so felt more intentional) and deeply hurt and can't figure out if I'm being totally irrational.

Did anyone else find the early baby days drove them to the brink of insanity? Or am I just not cut out for parenting..... well, not a natural.

You don't know what her intentions were. It's very possible that they were completely innocent and that she is pleased that they are chilled and that you are reading it because you know you were a shouty Mum. Or she was having a bit of a dig.

It's ridiculous that some posters seem to think they actually KNOW what your MIL was thinking. They must have some sort of incredible phychic power that I'm not privy to.

You know your MIL? Is she the type to make digs or not? You lived with her for a long time so I presume you didn't mind her?

Are you still a shouty Mum? If so, maybe she really was having a dig as she thinks you shouldn't be.

Even if it was a dig I think I'd ignore it. It's not the worst thing to have said and If she normally ok then I'd let it go. In future, if she says anything like that again, maybe you should say something immediately. You don't have to be rude or confrontational. Sitting and dwelling on it is a bit pointless.

Thanks @TootMootZoot , sensible advice.
I was tired and hormonal. I'm mostly over it. It's hard, having lived with them for the year (unplanned) added an extra dimension of complications to our relationship. Which is remarkably normal. I will keep an ear out for any more comments like this though and respond in the moment.

I think she was just being happy for her son and DIL, and excited about her new grandchild. Grandparental love can be an incredibly powerful thing; it definitely changed my parents' lives.

For what it's worth, I never got angry with my babies because there was no intention in their actions, they were just being babies. But I certainly got exhausted and desperate at times, especially with the first one and the colic weeks of screaming all evening (roughly . I do remember sobbing at DH, begging him to take the baby for a drive because I couldn't take it anymore, and generally I adored the baby phase.

Don't beat yourself up about it. Be pleased for them that their first few weeks are going smoothly. It won't always be like that.

@MrsTerryPratchett

wow what a viscous comment. I wasnt trying to induce guilt what so ever but you clearly feel quite strongly about my post… do you have something to feel guilty about? Bless you

OP - obviously there’s been moments when I’ve been shattered, I’m currently up with a teething poorly 1 year old, but I try to see the ‘positives’ in everything. Yes I’m tired and he’s unwell but he’s giving me cuddles. Please don’t think I’m trying to be gloaty or patronising as I’m really not, every baby is different and some fuss more than others which I’m sure makes the experience very different.

Please don’t think I’m trying to be gloaty or patronising as I’m really not

You might not be trying but you are succeeding.

do you have something to feel guilty about? Bless you

Like that.

There is a difference between helping a mum who asks you to see the brighter side of parenting and implying it's not OK to feel frustrated, angry and upset when doing it. I firmly believe this kind of guff is one of the reasons so many women suffer with PND, they think they are doing it wrong if they don't love every second. That's why I feel strongly about it. Because it hurts women.

I wasnt trying to induce guilt what so ever but you clearly feel quite strongly about my post… do you have something to feel guilty about? Bless you

You cannot be so oblivious to your condescending attitude, can you? “Bless you” how fucking patronising

Well said @MrsTerryPratchett

The baby stage nearly broke me OP.
I know that isn't the same for everyone.
Babies are different from one another
We, as parents are in different circumstances (in terms of how many hours we are working / commuting and other commitments we have, and also in terms of how broke we might be, or how financially comfortable we might be)
Even in what seems like identical circumstances, people's resilience is different.
Different people also cope with lack of sleep differently.
People also let out their frustrations in different ways.

Yes, some people have "easy" babies. Some people have lots of support. Some people don't have to go back to work for ages. Some people have more money and that makes everything easier.
Some people just aren't really 'baby people' and come into their own at different stages of parenting.

I'd go down the slightly passive aggressive route and say "I'm so pleased they have an easy baby, it's hard when things don't go as smoothly as you hope. Fingers crossed it continues!"

Thereby acknowledging that it's different for them, but not accepting that it's due to any flaw of yours, because it isn't!!