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Original poster

AIBU To think why do I bother it shouldn't be this hard should it ?

36 replies

giraffes2021 · 22/10/2022 19:58

Do I expect too much from days out with the kids? Or just too much in general?
Took kids out for the day today 4 and 2 year old! 4 year old just started school 5 in February!

Anyway day started in an absolute shit show as 4 year old drawing kept drawing smallest thing on piece of paper then asking for another (there was hardly any paper left) this ended up in a full on meltdown as I said she couldn’t have anymore as she was just wasting paper!
Then making pic nic to take she asked for ham and cheese I made her ham and cheese sandwich then she says later than she asked for ham I said already made it nothing I can do no ham left! Another melt down for a good 20 minutes! It gets to the point where I end up shouting as it’s driving me mad!

Then out for the day she’s ok asks for a slush I said yes we will get one after this next ride then she just goes on and on stamping feet etc!
Then setting off home she drops her tiny hair slide in the car by this time it’s dark turns into another half hour meltdown as we can’t find it other half ends up shouting.

I’m home now feeling very emotional as just feel like can’t have a family day without it ending up a complete shit show when all I’m trying to do is give them a good time!
So now I feel are we too strict? Do I just give her the paper ? Do I remake sandwiches (even though I actually couldn’t) or is this just a phase? Obviously these are just some examples.
Me and OH just feel like it’s so hard !
Is this normal?

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MolliciousIntent · 22/10/2022 20:10

It sounds like you're fighting a bunch of battles that you just don't need to fight.

She's using up all the paper with tiny drawings, fine! When it's gone it's gone and she can reuse some.

Wanted a ham sandwich not ham and cheese - just take the cheese out?!

Why did she need to go on a ride before a slush? Could you not have just got it then? The day out is supposed to be fun, surely it doesn't matter if you go on a ride a bit later?

Hair slide - it's reasonable that she'd be upset by this, why not just use a phone torch light?

She's 4. You need to cut her WAY more slack and pick far fewer battles.

Anneofwindypoplars · 22/10/2022 20:13

I wouldn’t worry.

Half of MN will say ‘too strict! Let her have all the paper and when it is gone it is gone!’

The other half will say ‘not strict enough! BOUNDARIES!’

I think it sounds like you’re doing fine. It isn’t child abuse to say no more paper, you’re wasting it, and it is absolutely fine to say yes to a slush after the ride. (That’s actually advice from the experts - say yes after … rather than no.)

Flowers you’re doing fine.

Hugasauras · 22/10/2022 20:15

Just sounds like one of those days, OP! We all have them. Frustrating and hard work but normal. The ham and cheese thing made me smile as we've had the exact same scenario before (and taking the cheese out is never good enough! Grin). Deep breath and tomorrow is another day!

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Original poster
giraffes2021 · 22/10/2022 20:23

@MolliciousIntent

yeah I get your points however
Not fair on her younger brother who is also drawing to be using all the paper!

I would have took the cheese out but it was grated and everything was packed away ready to go (as she had changed her mind) also she then ate all the sandwiches anyway.

The slush was because we was queuing for a ride all of us and wasn't fair on her younger brother to come out of the queue as he really wanted to go on a ride.

I did try and find the hair slide with my torch and couldn't find it unfortunately.

I completely agree re picking and will always try to do so

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Original poster
giraffes2021 · 22/10/2022 20:24

@Anneofwindypoplars @Hugasauras
Thank you! Tomorrow is definitely a new day! Think I might just go pour a big fat wine!

OP posts:
Isaidnoalready · 22/10/2022 20:26

Alcohol helps

Anneofwindypoplars · 22/10/2022 20:28

@giraffes2021 , my DS went through this phase of flinging himself on the floor and wailing if I offered him a drink and he didn’t want one Confused

It used to irrationally make me seethe. Now he can firmly and clearly articulate ‘no!’ Grin

You’ve been a lovely and reasonable mum - it’s them not you!

Pinkflipflop85 · 22/10/2022 20:29

4 year old has just done her first half term at school. She will be bloody knackered!

I've been unreasonable and stroppy all day after the long half term we've just had - and I'm a lot older 😂

MarshaMelrose · 22/10/2022 20:32

Haha. One day you'll look back on this and say, "it was so easy in those days." Sadly all ages have days where you just wish you hadn't bothered. But you sound like a great mum, you've done nothing wrong and they won't remember any of it anyway!

Doona · 22/10/2022 20:32

We're you away from them the day before? Mine always had spectacular tantrums the day after I left them with anyone. Regular as clockwork. Then, the day after that they'd be back to normal.

Sometimes, though, there'd just be bad days. Everyone has them, OP.

Original poster
giraffes2021 · 22/10/2022 20:35

@Pinkflipflop85 I think your right to be honest! She's been constantly tired last few weeks!

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00100001 · 22/10/2022 20:40

Probably wasn't the best idea taking them on a big day out the day after the end if term.

Let her chill out for a fair few days.

Like literally status at home, potter about, watch TV, maybe go to the local park, or a walk or whatever.

Then if you're so inclined, do something at Halloween. And then nothing!

NC12345665 · 22/10/2022 20:41

Did she get the slush after the tantrum?

Original poster
giraffes2021 · 22/10/2022 20:54

@00100001 then I just feel like they are watching too much tv etc can't win can you haha

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Original poster
giraffes2021 · 22/10/2022 20:55

@NC12345665 I did get her a slush as she did let us finish queueing and enjoyed the ride !

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00100001 · 22/10/2022 21:09

giraffes2021 · 22/10/2022 20:54

@00100001 then I just feel like they are watching too much tv etc can't win can you haha

Kids are kept too busy, being taken out for this experience and "making memories"...tjurr exhausted, and then we wonder why they have melt downs and MH issues...it's all just too much.

Just let them be. Let them play and be bored and potter about in the garden.

Original poster
giraffes2021 · 22/10/2022 21:17

@00100001 I think bit much with the MH issues, making memories is part of being a family!

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00100001 · 22/10/2022 21:22

But "making memories" is a modern bullshit.

Think of the actual memories you and your siblings etc have from growing up.

It probably wasn't a staged event where beautiful posed photos exist.
It was probably eating cheese on toast under the kitchen table....or the time your sister fell over in a river and decided to go with it and pretend to be a duck and you all hurt your sides laughing and she was called Ducky for the next decade.... Or always having Custard Creams at your Nans house, or... The that every birthday your Dad would wear a silly hat and sing you happy birthday whilst you were in bed.... Or some other mundane stuff that occurred naturally and without the intention to "make memories"

/Rant

Anneofwindypoplars · 22/10/2022 21:22

Whatever you do on here will elicit someone telling you it’s wrong and you should just be tramping round the streets in a puddlesuit. Most tiresome.

Original poster
giraffes2021 · 22/10/2022 21:36

@00100001 I think I know where you going with this but that's not my intention I just wanted a nice day out as we hadn't been out for a while as a family! Nothing to do with beautiful photos

OP posts:
00100001 · 22/10/2022 22:24

I wasn't accusing anyone if anything really.

Just having a general moan

Original poster
giraffes2021 · 22/10/2022 22:41

@00100001 I feel you! It's like you feel you have to keep up with the joneses sometimes

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Ihearyou22 · 22/10/2022 22:42

My DD was like this and it does get easier I promise! Her tantrums were more to do with her hearing issues and anxiety in new places. Never giving in was key as she knew when I meant business and if the behaviour continued she missed out.
The only advice I can give is this but then I’m no expert.

The paper. Oh you have this whole but here that needs something what can you draw here. If she started with the no. I’d then say it’s an awful waste and your pictures are so beautiful, I wonder how many you can fit on this sheet. If she continued I’d have took the paper in my hand and laid out what was available to her saying you can continue on that sheet or mummy is just going to put it away as I’m not having tantrums.
The cheese on sandwich. I’d have said oh what a shame you need to listen carefully when mummy asks, you can pick it off when we get there because it’s already made. If she kicked off I’d have gave a verbal warning and if it continued we wouldn’t have went.
The slushy, after you pointed out what was happening (ride then slushy) I’d have very clearly reiterated the fact and said that if she continued to misbehave there wouldn’t be a slushy and we would be going home. However if you possibly felt she had done well to wait that long then one of you could have stayed with DS and one went with DD for slushy.
I think we often try our best to then back down and the little rascals are so smart the catch on quick.
The biggest thing that worked for me was getting down to her level, looking her in the eye and giving her the 2 options available. All the flowery make a sensible choice type chat.

Original poster
giraffes2021 · 22/10/2022 23:46

@Ihearyou22 thank you for this! I feel like I had all this in my head and then in the moment it just goes to shit as you just get caught up in the stress then I think I must do better

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 22/10/2022 23:51

FFS, lie about the bloody ham sandwich. She wouldn't have known the difference anyway.

Never let a ham sandwich be the hill you die on.