AIBU To think why do I bother it shouldn't be this hard should it ?

[giraffes2021]

Do I expect too much from days out with the kids? Or just too much in general?
Took kids out for the day today 4 and 2 year old! 4 year old just started school 5 in February!

Anyway day started in an absolute shit show as 4 year old drawing kept drawing smallest thing on piece of paper then asking for another (there was hardly any paper left) this ended up in a full on meltdown as I said she couldn’t have anymore as she was just wasting paper!
Then making pic nic to take she asked for ham and cheese I made her ham and cheese sandwich then she says later than she asked for ham I said already made it nothing I can do no ham left! Another melt down for a good 20 minutes! It gets to the point where I end up shouting as it’s driving me mad!

Then out for the day she’s ok asks for a slush I said yes we will get one after this next ride then she just goes on and on stamping feet etc!
Then setting off home she drops her tiny hair slide in the car by this time it’s dark turns into another half hour meltdown as we can’t find it other half ends up shouting.

I’m home now feeling very emotional as just feel like can’t have a family day without it ending up a complete shit show when all I’m trying to do is give them a good time!
So now I feel are we too strict? Do I just give her the paper ? Do I remake sandwiches (even though I actually couldn’t) or is this just a phase? Obviously these are just some examples.
Me and OH just feel like it’s so hard !
Is this normal?

At that age, it's not about logic, it's about emotions. Using logic will only frustrate your child and thus also frustrate you more too. So what works for us is empathising with the emotions, but not giving in to them. In the sandwich situation I would say something in a really kind way like "You really wanted a ham sandwich 😟. You're getting a bad feeling in your body about this ham and cheese sandwich. Something about this kind of sandwich is making you feel upset/sad/angry, huh? I'm sorry you're feeling that way, it's no fun. I'm here for you if you need a cuddle. Next time you can help me make the sandwiches and we'll get them just right! We don't have any other sandwiches today so we can take the cheese off this sandwich or you can eat something else."

The paper... Well I'd probably pick my battle on that one and just leave her to it.

Those are tough ages but what they really need is validation of/empathy towards the feelings coming up in their bodies (about things that seem irrational to us), and then I find they are much more accepting of boundaries (e.g. I'm not making another sandwich).

@Aquamarine1029 🤣🤣 never let the ham sandwich be the hill you die ok made me laugh

@Endlesslaundry123 I think this is where I'm going wrong as she does seem very emotional at the moment I think this is where I need to adapt and change my parenting

Yeah I found days out always ended up difficult - my dh got stressed - the kids play up and in the end we did alot more with other people as well - or I just chilled out about feeling we "had to" go out.
My kids are practically grown up now - they don't remember alot of the days out anyway and #makingmemories was pointless. Their memories are the fun times at home playing with their freinds/neighbours.
But it all sounds normal!

@giraffes2021 it takes a lot of practice and patience (in my experience) but it's really worth it! I recommend Dr Becky Kennedy's Instagram/podcast/book (all called "Good Inside"), she's got the best advice for this type of parenting. Good luck!!

I have been there and it’s so hard. The best thing I’ve done when possible is take a step out the room like oh mummy just has to put this in the kitchen. Then go and have a wee rant to myself so I can go back in all smiles 😂 You are doing the best you can in the moment during a difficult situation. My DD stopped about 5 so it’s not too long at all. From starting school at 4 they got less often very quickly. Don’t be too hard on yourself everything’s always easier to dissect when you’re not in the thick of it.

No idea why my names flopping back and forth today 🤷🏻‍♀️

My daughter is exactly the same age, and has been exhausted every day since starting school weeks ago, so I know how you feel. All I have to do is ask her a question like “who did you sit next to at lunch today” after school sometimes and she flies off the handle and refuses to talk to me. It’s exhausting. She’s changed dramatically over the last few weeks. I have an older daughter who’s 9 and all I can say is that it does get better (before probably getting worse again when they start secondary school 😅)
just wanted you to know that you’re not alone
xx

@Endlesslaundry123 thank you!! I have just put her on my Spotify playlist will defo listen!

@Stripyhoglets1 my OH has zero patience just like my children hahaha

This!

OP I get it you just wanted a nice day out, that Age is hard and it sounds like you handled it well, it's ok to be angry and annoyed.

My youngest would frequently do this and act up on days out or planned days, he's 15 now and still does, but now he tells me he finds plans stressful and just wants to stay home.