8 year old tending to 2 year old during the night

[Bluelightlagoon]

Hello,

My daughter (8) lives with me during the week and spends time with her mum on weekends.

Today she mentioned that during the night at her mums she looks after her sister (2) as they sleep in the same room. She will awaken to her crying and bring her to the bottom bunk bed and help her back to sleep.

I asked why her mum doesn't tend to her younger sibling during the night and she said she is sleeping.

Is this a normal? I feel this is a responsibility my daughter shouldn't really be taking on but would like to know if any other parents let their children take care of their siblings in this manner.

Just for context, we have had alot of social service involvement with our children due to various concerns with their mother. So I do get concerned very easily.

Thanks in advance.

It sounds like you might be looking for a problem. If the problem is that you suspect their mom is drunk / incapacitated / refusing to tend to them that needs investigation. But if you're asking if this is inappropriate in principle I'm sure most people would say no.

Why is the 2yo in the top bunk?

if 8yo doesn't mind, then it's not a problem 1-2 nights a week at the weekend.

they're sharing a room, it's bound to happen regardless of the parents ability to parent in general.

it's not the hill I'd die on.

“But if the reason is because Mum is passed out and the older sibling has to step up, that's a different story.”

This.
This was my worry, especially with SS involvement.
If a parent is out of it for any reason, then this is clearly a concern.

If this was a woman posting about her daughter's dad, the responses would be very different.

What a charmer you are. The OP is asking for advice because an 8 year old is regularly carrying a two year old down from a top bunk in a household with a history of endangering the children. Why are you so sexist?

Could it be that your daughter just hears her sister make a small noise so goes to check on her?

Her mum may not even hear it!

Why would anyone put the 2 year old on the top bunk and the 8 year old on the bottom? Has op said that precisely?

I would be careful op. I know someone who tries to get information out of their 7/8 year old. They frequently get misleading facts and run with them because small children can be poor communicators and sometimes say anything to get the questioner to stfu.

No way.
how is your 8 year old meant to concentrate at school on a broken night’s sleep because she is caring for a toddler. She should be living with you full time, and proper care put in place for her half sister.

Why do men come onto forums largely made up of women to badmouth their exes? It makes me really uncomfortable. Im sure fathers 4 justice will validate you

That's not fair.

Exactly. If the poster had written this without mentioning sexes, and just referred to the mother as "ex" people would assume its a woman talking about ex hubs and the responses would undoubtedly be for OP to stop letting the kids visit, it's too dangerous, it's not normal, the ex isn't parenting properly. But give ex the title of "mother" and suddenly it's a different story.

My Dsis and DB regularly got into my bed (I am the oldest) did none of us any harm, didn't affect my schooling. Of course if there was a serious issue (blood, vomit or injury) we got my parents.

Sorry should have added my parents are kind, loving and attentive. We all had a very happy childhood.

I can understand your concern. But I'd speak to your daughter about it a bit more, and also ask your ex based on that. It does seem unfair to take everything to SS behind her back (apologies if I've misunderstood this).

I used to have a free ranging 2 year old with very much older siblings and she could have been found in a homes bed in the morning. Her favourite was her biggest brother over even coming in to me.

Given they are in the same room I'd not be unduly concerned by this on it's own, but with the backstory I'd want to ask a few more details.

Why is the younger child not in the bottom bunk?

*anyone's

I would want to know why a 2 year old is in the top bunk. If it is so they cannot disturb the mum, I’d be rather concerned. Recommendations state never under 6. You talk about endangering lives. I would gently ask your dd questions.

Oh please. Ridiculous comment.

My sisters and I always did this growing up. It wasn't expected its just natural when you share a room.

If tending to is, snack, drink toilet etc. then no. If it is just come and hop in with me and I’ll give you a little hug then go back to sleep, then yes as long as she’s getting enough sleep. I think it’s super sweet though!

This exact thing happens in Peppa Pig! Sorry not that helpful but maybe it shows that it's not really that unusual?

If she's expected to do it then that's not appropriate but if she's stirring before 2yo has a chance to wake mum, then I can see how it would happen. If it's just a cuddle and they go to sleep together I think it's quite sweet! Not so much if she's having to change a nappy or anything like that,

Our two will share a room soonish and my DD1 is very maternal like a little mother hen and I know if DD2 wakes up and makes a noise she will be straight over there to cuddle her!

I'm torn between thinking it's sweet and also thinking I wouldn't want my eight year old to feel he was expected to do this for his four year old brother. I think on one occasion he's come downstairs to tell us his brother's awake, but he generally sleeps through the toddler crying. If I heard him going to his room and trying to settle him I'd send him back to bed! It's my job to settle him.

Younger siblings do like their older one's bed though. DS2 climbs into DS1's bed in the morning and wakes him up gives him a cuddle which is lovely.

Two year old brother, not four...

For fucks sake! I bet you’re the type who’d be the first to scream and shout that a man isn’t pulling his weight. Sometimes men can’t win (and I’m female)

Think you need to find out exactly what it entails before jumping to any conclusions - is the 2 year old really crying for a long time & needs mum but mum isn't waking up, and does your daughter try to wake mum up but can't or is the 2 year old just waking up and wanting to get into bed with sister.

this.

could be nothing but sweet sisterly interaction.

Could be mother is too heavily asleep and not responding to needs.
The question is why?
Most mothers wake easily when their toddlers cry