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Parenting

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Original poster

How many fathers do you know who...

75 replies

emkana · 27/01/2008 19:38

... deal unprompted with things like

a/replying to b'day party invitations
b/replying to the various communications from school, sorting out dinner money etc
c/listening to their child reading
d/listening to violin/piano practice (if applicable)
e/ add other example if you wish

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Janni · 27/01/2008 21:25

I've ranted on here a few times about DH leaving a trail behind himself, of which he is blithely unaware. If pointed out he will either sulk or say 'I was just going to do it'.. When he leaves for work I follow his trail and 1) pick up his slippers and dressing gown, left in DSs bedroom where DH keeps his clothes 2) throw away the dry cleaning wrapper from his shirt 3) put his breakfast dishes in the dishwasher 4) put his underwear etc in the washing basket 5) make the bed he got out of after me... He will also have asked me to locate two or three things before he leaves for work and if taking DS to school has to be reminded about the school bag..

If he looks at the post, he leaves it in a messy pile. If he does a job around the flat he'll leave his tools lying around. He doesn't hang up his coat, he leaves the plastic bags for anything he's bought lying around, he leaves his newspapers everywhere, he doesn't clean the bath after himself or after giving DD a bath...

But he is a good provider and a nice dad to the kids and every now and then he'll have a housework blitz, so I've learned to live with it

Janni · 27/01/2008 21:26

And would NEVER deal unprompted with any of those things, but would do them, in his own way if asked.

hercules1 · 27/01/2008 21:28

DH does all of those and everything else actually. I just work and do a bit of laundry now and then. He is a sahp.

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jasper · 27/01/2008 22:23

none

UnquietDad · 27/01/2008 22:27

A lot depends on who works and who doesn't, surely? It makes sense for the person doing the school drop-off to be the one dealing with party replies and dinner-money, because if one parent never goes to the school - due to having to leave work at 7.30am - they're not going to know Jessie's mum from Jimmie's mum, and why the hell should they anyway?

Reading is a whole different ball-game, and we have always tried to share that. Ditto going to park and stuff.

Peachy · 27/01/2008 22:30

Dh doesn't, but I feel confident he would and could if it was needed- I've had at least as big a role in establishing our various rutines as he has.

And you wouldn't catch me spending 3 hours with the boys trying to make a technic lego hovercraft which he did today AND yesterday.

We all play to our strengths- i am a control freak, he's a techie.

woodstock3 · 27/01/2008 23:01

Scramble · 27/01/2008 23:03

Never ever, but that will be why he is exH now .

SlartyBartFast · 27/01/2008 23:05

i know 1 man, well i believe that is what he does, but it is not my dh

moljam · 27/01/2008 23:06

a/replying to b'day party invitations-no
b/replying to the various communications from school, sorting out dinner money etc-yep
c/listening to their child reading-yep
d/listening to violin/piano practice (if applicable) n/a
e/ add other example if you wish
f/kind of.

unknownrebelbang · 27/01/2008 23:11

Should qualify what I posted earlier.

I went away for a week a few years ago - both DH and the boys managed perfectly well, and he would get used to dealing with the little things like this. It's just easier on a day-to-day basis for me to deal with the stuff, or remind him if I'm not around, so that it doesn't get forgotten.

I also know one dad who has no choice in the matter.

Fireflyfairy2 · 27/01/2008 23:11

I knew this was going to be your thread Emkana. Every now & again you seem to get disillusioned regarding your dh, don't you?

Dh listens to dd reading, that's it. He does other things too, he tidied her room with her this weekend & they painted it.

I do the rest of it.

WendyWeber · 27/01/2008 23:44

Mine never did a or b, occasionally did c or d, but was always v good at playing with them, taking them out for walks etc and still does things like that now they're all grown-or-nearly.

He never ever remembered who did what when though, in the days when they all had after-school activities - when he had to be the taxi I had to write it all out for him every time - he just doesn't have that kind of brain.

WendyWeber · 27/01/2008 23:45

JASPER! Is that really you???

jasper · 27/01/2008 23:49

yes Wendy it's me

hunkermunker · 27/01/2008 23:54

Emkana, are there things you rarely or never get involved with that DH always does, such as the more traditional male roles - car, bin emptying, DIY, etc?

I think the listening to children read and listening to musical instrument practice is different from a and b on your list though - they're things you do to take interest in your children's personal development - a and b are things you do because they're child-related chores in a different way - a more organisational way.

WendyWeber · 27/01/2008 23:59

Califrau · 27/01/2008 23:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jasper · 28/01/2008 00:02

Thank you ladies. How nice to be remembered. things ok thanks. All my 3 kids now at school so theoretically I should be more organised/ happier. However I am still a knackered old wreck.

dontwanttogetoutofbed · 28/01/2008 00:06

me and my dh drive our dd to school together and i always bring her in. even if its pouring rain and i'm wearing nice new shoes, i still have to do it. when i come in with the letters/invites/artwork and proudly parade them, my dh blatantly tells me hes glad i'm interested because he's not.

my dds are small but when/if they every play an instrument i know he will get involved

Quattrocento · 28/01/2008 00:42

I think it is possible, Blu, that you and I are married to the same man. Except mine does lots of ferrying and also tennis with them too.

Clary · 28/01/2008 01:07

well my DH doesn't do the first but that's mainly because they are usually on a Saturday when he is at football so I need to know about it.

He does all the others tho. He even (for other examples) goes to school concerts etc, picks up and drops off at school (more than I do in fact) and oh yes, when they were little he looked after them one day a week.

He is superman maybe

(we both WOTH btw)

broguemum · 28/01/2008 07:57

Mine does just about everything on the list. In fact, in terms of parenting tasks he does just about everything apart from breast feed and he claims that's just because he doesn't have (.)(.)s. I think that is a pathetic excuse and he's just not trying hard enough....

Seriously though he is up to most domestic tasks but never empties the nappy bin and must be preventing from "sorting" the washing at all costs - he is colour blind.

LoveAngel · 28/01/2008 09:10

My DH doesn't reply to b'day invitations or school letters, but he does spend a lot of time with DS reading, playing, etc and takes him to swimming, football, the park, to visit friends etc at the weekend.

tissy · 28/01/2008 09:24

dh does c/ but none of the rest

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