How many fathers do you know who...

[emkana]

... deal unprompted with things like

a/replying to b'day party invitations
b/replying to the various communications from school, sorting out dinner money etc
c/listening to their child reading
d/listening to violin/piano practice (if applicable)
e/ add other example if you wish

unprompted? never, but he prefers being reminded (says he spends too much time thinking all day and likes to be pointed in the right direction at home, which suits me fine as I am a bit of a shrew....)

MY daddyboss does

he does more than my charges mother actually.... but then he works less hours

My dp does, in fact he does more than me.

My dh does the same as you Emkana. Nothing without prompting. I am a SAHM though and actually it has been easier for me to just take on all the roles than nag him to do them.
He is in charge of walking the dog and sorting out who will look after her when we go away. I am trying to encourage him to clean the dd's shoes once a week. He also makes the bed as he usually goes up before me and I strip it in the morning and leave the bedding on it so he has to make it before he can get in it .
He does do washing (usually his) and his own ironing. I do the rest of the families.
TBH I am happy rubbing along like this at the moment but I would love for him to think of something exciting for us to do at the weekends sometimes.
When I go back to work (????) things will HAVE to change.
He does do bath and bed time actually so perhaps I am being a little unfair....

We both work from home but as I do school runs I tend to organise the sch & social diary.

Otherwise DH gets a tick for c/ d/ and lots of e/ - nappy changing, refereeing arguments, mending things, finding things, making lunch, blah de blah.

emkana - I think Quat was asking you whether your DH did or not ie. Why,- doesn't yours? rather than how it read without the comma.

I also think he will def listen to the dd's reading once they learn....

Well mine did:

Listen to me read
Sit and do maths with me
talk to me about b/f's - had the "chat"
He worked 48 hour weeks but still took me to school when he got in from night shift (even though it meant staying up late)
came with me as my birthing partner when my dd2 was born
changed dd2 first dirty nappy
babysits
taught both my dd's to ride bikes

Wouldn't swap him for two bigger ones, he is nearly 70 now and an absolute treasure

that's a lovely post, ivykate

Dh does all of those, but usually if prompted rather than spontaneously.

I work from home so I do school runs, I know parents in the playground (he knows lots but certainly not all of those from whom invitations come) etc. I open the book bags as soon as we get in from school and so I deal with school communication straightaway.

I'm quite content with the set up - I'm not bothered if he doesn't do those things unprompted. I control the running of the house and the kids generally and I delegate tons of it to him which he does, mostly, graciously.

I also email him supermarket shopping lists in the day and he goes on his way home from work. On Friday his list was:

Pick up my dry cleaning (top I was wearing out that night)
Get cash out for me (I was going out)
Go to Clinique counter adn buy face cream for me.

c/ only for my dh!

He does though (and has always) put them both to bed everynight so I can forgive the rest.

My DP will do the things that involve relating to DS on that list, but it's me who does the admin/party/nursery stuff. Because I'm organised and good at it, and he's shy of other parents. But then he does do domestic technical stuff (which i'm crap at) and things like emptying bins and cleaning up after DS - without being prompted. I'm happy with a division of labour if it works out fair in the end.

He just doesn't think to do stuff - it's sometimes frustrating but as long as he takes stuff on when asked then I guess it doesn't matter.

I suppose I'll pick my battles and unprompted vs prompted is not one I can be arsed having with him tbh.

My DH (who I actually thought was very hands-on) does NONE of these - although in fairness, most of the time I'm a SAHM and he works away. But he does have long periods where he works from home... he would if asked, but I just tend to get on with it myself so can't really complain. I was a single parent before we met (and had 2 more DCs) so I'm just used to doing this stuff - and the bill paying, and the household repairs, and the lawn-mowing etc etc.
I'm starting to feel less troubled about my SAHM (kids at school) status!

Oh Emkana, I thought you were WOHM, so it is just a division of labout thing then isn't it?

a/replying to b'day party invitations - no
b/replying to the various communications from school, sorting out dinner money etc no
c/listening to their child reading yes well reads with DS1
d/listening to violin/piano practice (if applicable)N/A
e/ Loves going out and about with the boys whilst I have some time to get on yes

DD doesn't do any of them unprompted, bt he will listen to DD read/help with homework if me or DD reminds him it needs doing.

The replying to invites - whoever sees the parent next tends to do it, but I will remind DH in advance. At resent DD likes to write a little letter saying she can go, so we leave it to her

But he does do other stuff with DD unprompted - playing, reading, bedtime, shower, etc. and he does almost all school drops in a morning.

unprompted no.

DH will do all of them and it's not an issue, but he does have to be reminded usually.

He does however clean the house and does shopping without prompting.

Emkana - is the issue what he does or the fact that he needs prompting?

Elphaba has great points; and it does work like that for us as well

there are things that, if you jsut get into habit of doing them, eg opening schoolbags after school run, cease to become jobs of note anymore

if I ask him to do something he will do it, but not usually unbidden

having said that I've been ill for the last five months and dh has picked up every job apart from the laundry, without complaint/ incompetent questions; when I am better I will just take a lot of things over again

if it is easier for me to do things during day because I am p/t and he is full time, that is just because it makes sense, not because he is sexist oik

yes, DP does all that.
Also shares
making packed lunches
buying b'day party presents
taking DS to GP / dentist when needed
arranging playdates with other parents
cooking tea for other children when they come.

He has NEVER cleaned out the rabbits though, and it's touch and go whether he remembers to feed them, if I'm out.

We both work.

Not mine!

None. And I do all the bills and stuff and sort out my own car. And I work (though only PT ATM).

Actually it's really bugging me that DH will

• feed DD but I have to find the bib, and then he leaves the dirty bowl and spoon on the settee
• dress DD but leaves her dirty clothes scattered across the livingroom for me to clear up
• change DD's nappy but leave the wipes out for her to get and often the dirty nappy on the floor
• take DD swimming but leave the bag of his and hers wet towels and costumes in the hallway for me to hang up

(because he's doing me such a favour in doing whatever..)

We are both getting heartily sick of me saying "do you think you could put the wipes away" or "you've left the nappy on the floor"

He didn't used to be like this.

None.

Giving medicine is also my responsibility.