Motivating kids to do homework without TV or playstation games as reward

[flack]

I know some people don't believe in homework this young, but personally I would like DC to have a stab at it.
And don't go all Alfie Kohn on me, either.

DH wants to put the tv in storage for a while, which is fine by me as DH is the worst addict and DC are terrible screen addicts, too.

But the only thing motivating DC to do homework or chores around the house is tv, dvd and game time SO, without paying them money (not sure that would work anyway), do I give up on them doing homework/chores completely? I cannot think of a anything else other then removing all toys to loft to be earned back slowly as homework done, or equivalent actions -- that might incentivise DC to do homework/household jobs.

Well, mine are 8 and 9 years old but had homework from day 1 when they were 6 and started school here in Germany and there was no reward or bribe system at all because I just told them it's essential no discussion. Hard to change if you've used the reward system up to now though.

I don't think it is up to you to motivate them - remind them once or twice but not to motivate.

Motivation is what comes from told off/given detention for not completing their homework at school, not from nagging by parents

The good marks they get for their homework should be the reward.

We make quite a big deal about always wanting to know what marks the children get at school and give them lots of encouragement and congratulations (where appropriate) or feedback/help (when marks weren't up to scratch).

Same with chores/helping out around the home - they should be motivated to do it because they get thanked/praised for being helpful and kind.

Soapbox - I don't like the stick approach personally... prefer the carrot

Well suffice to say Anna, that my DCs have never not handed in a piece of homework on time, despite a no nagging approach from me. They know and understand that it is there responsibility. I usually ask them once on Sunday morning how much they have, so we can plan our day around it, if possible. But that's it - no other prompts from me!

They do get lots of praise though for doing well.

Frankly I find constant nagging and whining very wearing and don't tolerate it from the children, so in return don't really see why they should tolerate it from me

their reponsibility!

Mild Mannered Janitor - that's pretty cool. I bet it works.

Well, we have certainly never had to nag (or even ask) the children to do homework - on the contrary, if anything we have to work at countering their nerdish tendencies and refuse to test them on their physics homework .

Praise and encouragement alone, with no sticks at all, can be perfectly effective IMO.

They are children, they do as they are told.

'Peter, come and sit at the table it's time to do your homework' hand them homework, watch them do it, same with chores 'Elizabeth, it's time to do the dishes now' (or whatever name/job they have) and they do it.

I can't understand having to bribe a child to do their homework/chores. Everyone has to do something in our house, the children know this and don't expect any less, as for homework, I don't think DD would want to ignore her teacher by not doing it.

batters - good approach too, I think

To be fair though Anna, there are no sticks here either. The sticks that they perceive to be in place are at school, where if they do not hand in their homework on time they will be told off.

On that basis, and given that you do not nag either, I can't see there is any difference in the approach at home. Possibly the schools in France are less bothered if homework is not handed in.

When dss were tiny I insisted they got on and did it immediately (after post-school snack) then pantomimed all weekend "aren't you glad you got your homework done, so that we can get on and enjoy the weekend/watch TV/go swimming, etc. etc. And just established good (i.e. get on and get it over with) routines. We rarely have much hassle.

I don't insist they spend ages on it, do it neatly, do it to the best of their ability - that's up to the teacher to check/remark upon if they wish. I just insist they get on with it.

No rewards here.

I expect next yr when ds1 goes to high school it may become more of a battleground.

mmj - do you not have a homework book of some sort?

My DS (same age as yours) has to write in his prep book every night and the parents sign it off has having read it. The homework, and any other important school-home messages are listed in the book too.

No you do have to hand in your homework at school in France, as otherwise you get a big fat "0" (out of 20) and since every single mark counts towards your end-of-term report (and your marks for your whole school career kept on a central computer and follow you around always) that's a pretty big deal. Not that it stops some children from mucking about / some parents from not caring.

But the children aren't thinking about the potential "0" for not doing homework - it doesn't cross their mind. They are thinking about the "20" they might get (and the félicitations du jury if they get a 16/20 termly average).

MJ, I had the same from DD the other day, she told me she had to hand in her food diary on the thursday morning about 4 minutes before she left for school

I explained she must have got it wrong because there was only 4/7 days filled in so far, so how could she be expected to hand it in completed afetr only 4 days?

That was when I found out she was supposed to have started it three days before she told me about it.

I check her bookbag every day now and she is asked as soon as she gets in if she has any homework.

Chores as well here is just a routine - not linked to rewards etc., just part of living in a family not a hotel.

They have tea at c.5.15 and after tea they have to do "a job". It's just expected, so they don't question it, and they get on and do it quickly because they like to watch Simpsons at 6pm.

We've just started they have to strip their beds fortnightly on a Sunday morning by 10 am, then I'll do them a cooked breakfast.

DS1 (10) doesn't do more than he has to, but ds2 is very helpful if I just say "Can you just come and give me a hand with this". I'm not so naive to think this attitude will last into teenage years though!

I dont have any trouble just now as dd1 is nearly 8 and loves to do her homework and wishes she has more
but homework is just someting that has to be done
they need be no reward
they will get in trouble of they dont do it

Thanks for replies, even when I don't think your methods would work for us, I still appreciate hearing them.

Those of you who say chores are "just expected" -- what would you do if the child refused, wandered off, ignored you, had a massive strop moaning about how tired they were? How do they "get in trouble"? What do you actually do to them?

Praise and kiss or simply avoiding being told off might sometimes motivate DD (6), but it would have no impact whatsoever on DS (8).

The school does not penalise them if they don't do h-work. If I asked them to write a note why they didn't do homework, DC (DS especially) would probably refuse to do that, too.

"Children should do what they're told" wouldn't work here. DH says that to them a lot and they hate him when he does. It gets almost nowhere (for him and us). He can bully DD with that line, but it just spurs the DSs to resent, get furious and scheme how to fight back.

Our homework books are marked on weekends, so really have to do h-work in afterschool time M-Thursday.

why doesn't the school penalise them??
Thats what I meant from 'they will get in trouble'

if h-work isn't done then they have to stay in at break to do it and if it keeos happening they are seen by the head to ask why it isn't done and then have to do it with the head in break time.

Flack if they didn't do as I asked then they would lose something they liked until they did. It depends on what your child is into, but certainly tv, games, football club etc would be taken away until they did what they were asked to do.

It sounds to me as if your DS has very little respect for you? How do you normally discipline him?

Once I wrote a note in the writing record about DS refusing to do the writing... DS was furious and scribbled it out (and has never done his writing homework since, either).
I expect some to read that and condemn me for it, but I just thought "He's doing well in school, really, which is what I care most about. I can't be arsed to keep making this particular regular homework task into such a battle zone".
Given there's no penalty from the school and that they are doing well at school, regardless, I think I can stomach letting HW go if I have to. But the chores bother me a lot.