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Original poster

Please help- school referred us to Early Help

43 replies

ashamedofmybehaviour · 13/10/2022 13:26

This morning, I lost my temper and hit DS (9). He has told school and I was called in to see the Head today to discuss. As there is a previous incident on file of DD saying I had smacked her, it has been referred to "early Help" which I understand to be Childrens services. Does anyone know what will happen next?

OP posts:
Original poster
ashamedofmybehaviour · 13/10/2022 13:34

Bump

OP posts:
wonderstuff · 13/10/2022 13:38

Early help is voluntary, and there to offer support to families who are struggling. The aim is to put support in place to prevent things getting worse/improve the child’s situation. I would take up the offer.

TheHopefulMum · 13/10/2022 13:40

I imagine you will get a call first to discuss the incident, they may also discuss it with your child due to their age and ability to accurately communicate what happened.

As there is another incident on file I would imagine they will intervene by way of support if necessary, however without knowing what both incidents actually involved it's difficult to say how seriously they will take it and what actions / support will be offered.

Children's services are generally there to support where needed as opposed to anything sinister which is what most people assume.

wonderstuff · 13/10/2022 13:41

Just to add I’d expect the next step to be a meeting probably with someone from school and a family support worker, maybe social worker, where they look at what the situation is and what will help going forward.

Newuser82 · 13/10/2022 14:05

Sounds like you are struggling. Do you want to talk about what happened?

SpinningFloppa · 13/10/2022 14:13

I’m surprised they’ve only referred to early help, where I am that would be taken a lot more serious.

DrinkFeckGirls · 13/10/2022 14:17

You sound as if you are struggling. Please don't feel bad about this...many have been in the same situation, prehaps not wanting to admit it. Take any help which is offered..

purpleme12 · 13/10/2022 14:30

If it's early help then they want to help you find better ways of dealing with it rather than take action with any protection plans or anything like that.

toomuchlaundry · 13/10/2022 14:32

Early help is to help and support you, take any help you can.

KennAdams · 13/10/2022 14:34

Early help is supportive. I found them to be lovely and none judgemental. We were struggling with some aspects of our DC behaviour and they helped us just by listening tbh. We did a course called 123 magic which helped with our DD but not so much DS who has some SEN.

Don't be afraid of them. They're there to help.

NellBeau · 13/10/2022 20:24

We were referred to Early Help when my son was stealing food at school and complaining of hunger. There were also other behaviour issues. I was pretty annoyed at the insinuation he had a chaotic home life.

I did find the process to be intrusive as the Early Help Support Worker did a home inspection and literally opened the fridge and cupboards to check for food and wanted to look at his bed and things. It was annoying because actually we feed him plenty and take care of all his needs, but it’s reassuring to know these services exist for those children who may be suffering neglect.

We were sent on a parenting course which was very interesting and I think most parents would find beneficial. Not all the strategies helped because ultimately Early Help decided my son has complex needs and referred us to CAMHS who diagnosed ASD and ADHD.

Early Help were also supportive though and we did desperately need support. It sounds like you need support too. My advice is to just go with it and take all the support and advice offered.

LondonQueen · 13/10/2022 20:30

It's completely voluntary to accept Early Help, however it does sound like you're struggling, it may be worth it to accept? Do you have any IRL support?

Cakeyface123 · 13/10/2022 20:58

I didn’t like Early Help at all. All they seemed to do was ‘safeguarding visits’ even though I had opted into the referral to help us with sons behaviour (ASD). I felt like my parenting and mental health (I had admitted to struggling) were scrutinised. Not sure what the point of the service is as I’m drowning with referrals/ appts/ assessments etc but Early Help are nowhere to be seen (until the next 6 weekly safeguarding visit!!)

scrivette · 13/10/2022 21:03

Early Help can be great (although it spends on your Borough and the worker of course).

They can offer lots of support if you want it and lots of ideas and coping strategies and their parenting courses are really useful and informative and give you different tips and ideas and provide a different way of looking at situations.

They are there to work with you as a family, not just with the one child.

NinetyNineRedBalloonsGoBy · 13/10/2022 21:08

I had Early Help when my dd15 self harmed. They said it was voluntary and of course I was so devastated and desperate I bit their hand off to accept the offer. Even though I work in Childrens Services I was so so naive Sad

This is what I found:

It is VERY intrusive - long 1:1 meetings with ALL your dc, your home inspected at a minute level, their schools contacted (all the dc, not just the cause of concern)

After all the inspections and intrusion we were put on a waiting list for a youth group. Haven't heard a thing back over 18 months later

It's voluntary to join but NOT voluntary to leave. You stay on the "concern" register at their choice not yours.

While on the register they visit every 4-6 weeks with little or no notice and stay for hours. Then call the kids schools and tell them everything then bugger off.

To leave the useless but stressful register you have to prove you don't have the problem any more.. which with MH is almost impossible

SpinningFloppa · 13/10/2022 21:13

NinetyNineRedBalloonsGoBy · 13/10/2022 21:08

I had Early Help when my dd15 self harmed. They said it was voluntary and of course I was so devastated and desperate I bit their hand off to accept the offer. Even though I work in Childrens Services I was so so naive Sad

This is what I found:

It is VERY intrusive - long 1:1 meetings with ALL your dc, your home inspected at a minute level, their schools contacted (all the dc, not just the cause of concern)

After all the inspections and intrusion we were put on a waiting list for a youth group. Haven't heard a thing back over 18 months later

It's voluntary to join but NOT voluntary to leave. You stay on the "concern" register at their choice not yours.

While on the register they visit every 4-6 weeks with little or no notice and stay for hours. Then call the kids schools and tell them everything then bugger off.

To leave the useless but stressful register you have to prove you don't have the problem any more.. which with MH is almost impossible

oh wow, my kids school kept trying to refer me (not for anything like this) and I declined glad I did!

Ivy90 · 13/10/2022 21:16

They should have called the police

ThatshallotBaby · 13/10/2022 21:22

Early Help we’re absolutely amazing when our teenage daughter was getting out of control.
Our support worker saved me. Incredible woman. Sadly she’s been head hunted now.
She was like sunshine on a rainy day.

purpleme12 · 13/10/2022 21:52

This thread's really worrying me with what @NinetyNineRedBalloonsGoBy said.
That description didn't sound like what early help has been described to me as

PaisleyP · 13/10/2022 22:08

I had them involved when my daughter was being referred to camhs and camhs kept making us jump through hoops and blaming the school for not doing enough, then my parenting and denying there was an issue.
Any way early years got involved and so did the educational physc. They saw my DD in school wrote a report that was very in depth and I attended a parenting course I think 3 sessions on "coping strategies" and what not for behaviours she was demonstrating. And then the case was closed and camhs accepted her on their books and she was then diagnosed with about 7 things.
Appreciate our history is different but honestly children's services/ early years was ok.

Also know a lady who hit 2 of her 4 kids recently and social services immediately got involved after the school reported them. Case is now closed and mum is learning to parent differently. You'll be ok.

myexisawanker · 13/10/2022 22:11

NinetyNineRedBalloonsGoBy · 13/10/2022 21:08

I had Early Help when my dd15 self harmed. They said it was voluntary and of course I was so devastated and desperate I bit their hand off to accept the offer. Even though I work in Childrens Services I was so so naive Sad

This is what I found:

It is VERY intrusive - long 1:1 meetings with ALL your dc, your home inspected at a minute level, their schools contacted (all the dc, not just the cause of concern)

After all the inspections and intrusion we were put on a waiting list for a youth group. Haven't heard a thing back over 18 months later

It's voluntary to join but NOT voluntary to leave. You stay on the "concern" register at their choice not yours.

While on the register they visit every 4-6 weeks with little or no notice and stay for hours. Then call the kids schools and tell them everything then bugger off.

To leave the useless but stressful register you have to prove you don't have the problem any more.. which with MH is almost impossible

My experience was nothing like this at all.

Don't be put off by stories on line. Make up your own mind.

It will be ok

myexisawanker · 13/10/2022 22:12

purpleme12 · 13/10/2022 21:52

This thread's really worrying me with what @NinetyNineRedBalloonsGoBy said.
That description didn't sound like what early help has been described to me as

It obviously depends on you support worker but I found them brilliant tbh, support just when needed

purpleme12 · 13/10/2022 22:32

@myexisawanker
Thank you bit worried by some stories here

BrightOrangeRectangles · 13/10/2022 22:35

Just wow. What a nanny state we live in. How times have changed. No wonder this place is going to the dogs.

LimpBiskit · 13/10/2022 22:42

BrightOrangeRectangles · 13/10/2022 22:35

Just wow. What a nanny state we live in. How times have changed. No wonder this place is going to the dogs.

A nanny state interfering with child abuse. How very dare they.