Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Please help me with potty training!

34 replies

ParentConfessionTime · 11/10/2022 10:58

I'll give you the cliff notes!
DS just shy of 3. Been telling us for a while now that he's doing a poo and most of the time tells us that he needs a wee

So we started potty training and built up slowly. Brought potty into the room, decorated it. Read all the usual bed story suspects about potty training. Introduced a star chart and rewards etc.

We have not made an issue of accidents and praised every milestone-putting pants on, sitting on the potty, sitting on the toilet etc

But he will not do a wee or a poo on the potty or toilet. He holds it in until he wets himself and then says he's done a wee. I've just had to clear up a big puddle in the middle of ikea which happened 3 mins after leaving the loo and sitting on it for 5 mins

So I know some will say he's not ready. I believe he is and he's said he's scared of the potty. I know if we stop he will see it that we've given in as he's refused as he can be quite stubborn. We are continuing on and putting pants on every day but on day 4 now and I don't know how to encourage him to not be afraid of going to the loo on it.

He seems to want to wear pants and now doesn't want his nappy on but is happier to wet or poo himself than go on the potty

Help!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Original poster
ParentConfessionTime · 11/10/2022 10:58

Sorry, longer than I thought it would be!!

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 11/10/2022 11:00

oh crap method- he needs to be naked at home with a potty to begin with

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 11/10/2022 11:03

Completely naked so he doesn’t have to faff with clothes and isn’t confused by secure feeling. Also try the poo goes to pooland app.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting Potty training
Original poster
ParentConfessionTime · 11/10/2022 11:07

Thank you both. We had his naked from the waist down on Sunday and he kept saying he was cold 🥶

He held his wee for 5 hours and we had to put a nappy on for nap time and he immediately wee'd

So he can control it, I just can't seem to get him to go in the potty!

OP posts:
SatinHeart · 11/10/2022 11:08

What's the longest he will sit on the potty for? Is it that he wont sit on it for long enough or that he'll sit there but not do anything?

For us the oh crap method didn't work, but definitely worth checking out as many people have success with it

We ended up rewarding any wees/poos in the loo (we skipped the potty in the end) with chocolate buttons and doing scheduled toileting with a timer to begin with.

Original poster
ParentConfessionTime · 11/10/2022 11:12

Thanks @SatinHeart he will sit on the potty (prefers toilet) for a long time. I actually felt awful as he was sat on it on and off for nearly 3 hours on Sunday and I felt it had become a sort of punishment even though we had paw patrol on the iPad

I've tried chocolate and treats but he just won't do it

I feel like if I can get him to do it once he'll realise it's ok!

OP posts:
Noshowlomo · 11/10/2022 11:14

We went straight to the toilet.. my son was 3 years 5 months and it was when he was ready (and also wanted it done before he started school!!). Took to it in 3 days.. avoided potty completely.
People kept saying he will when he’s ready and they were right I suppose.
lots of toilet /poo vidoes on YouTube helped

outtheshowernow · 11/10/2022 11:20

ParentConfessionTime · 11/10/2022 11:07

Thank you both. We had his naked from the waist down on Sunday and he kept saying he was cold 🥶

He held his wee for 5 hours and we had to put a nappy on for nap time and he immediately wee'd

So he can control it, I just can't seem to get him to go in the potty!

The summer just gone would have been the ideal time to do it !

NannyR · 11/10/2022 11:21

I've successfully potty trained a lot of children over the years and never done the naked from waist down thing. To me, personally, it doesn't seem very respectful of the child's dignity, I know the child probably isn't that bothered, but it doesn't sit right with me. I just dress them in loose joggers or shorts that are easy to pull up and down - if they are ready to potty train, wearing clothes doesn't hold them back.

One trick that worked really well with the last child I potty trained, who was a bit reluctant to use the potty was to appeal to his sense of competition - I would say "it's time to go to the park, we need to wee before we leave, I'll go in the loo and you can use your potty and we 'll see who wees first" I'd go into the loo and leave him to it in the kitchen where his potty was (so no audience, no over the top praise), I could guarantee that he would have filled the potty by the time I came back in.

BlueRibbonPen · 11/10/2022 11:41

I think you need to start recognising the signs he needs to go rather than rely on him telling you. I would suggest atleast 3 days at home starting naked from the waist down. I would aim to catch some wee with a potty (you’ll need to be eagle eyed) and just go wild so he recognises the reward and attention for a perceived success (even if most went on the floor - focus on the drop you caught).

It sounds like you’re possibly over promoting. Start recognising how often he goes and stop prompting inbetween that unless you recognise his wee wee dance.

You can get urinals for boys that are shaped like frogs that some of them seem to like.

Good luck OP.

SatinHeart · 11/10/2022 11:51

If he's too cold naked from the waist down, try loose joggers but no pants underneath? So he won't have the secure, nappy-like feeling of wearing pants.

Has he watched you (or preferably his dad) doing a wee in the loo?

Are you upping his intake of drinks? More drinks = more wees = more practice
(also bigger wees so you might be able to catch the end of one in the potty)

I had several quite useful chats with the health visitor, when one thing didn't work they always had a few different ideas about what to try next. Might be worth getting in touch with yours?

TheTeddyBears · 11/10/2022 11:52

Aw that's a shame it seems he can do it but is scared. Have you tried Reward chart with the end goal being something he wld really like. He's old enough to understand if you say we will get u x toy if u can go to the toilet/potty all week.

I had trouble with poos with my 2yr old. Told her something similar and she stopped having accidents very quickly to get her new doll.

FlounderingFruitcake · 11/10/2022 12:07

My DD was the same, with hindsight I know we left it too late. What clicked was things like can’t go to the playground (or wherever) until you’ve gone to the loo first, and making it more inconvenient to have an accident than get to the loo so helping with clean up. What did not work was bribery because she learned squeezing out a few drops rather than emptying her bladder properly got more rewards, and she’d still have accidents as a result. With my second I was determined not to have so much drama so I trained DS at almost 20 months and it was so much quicker and easier, obviously that’s no good to you now though!

Original poster
ParentConfessionTime · 11/10/2022 13:18

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply

So we're back from ikea after our big accident.

I said we needed to sit on the potty before playing with Lego and he just lost it and said he didn't want to.

I'm so worried about pushing it but I really feel he's developed a fear of going and am desperate to crack it. It's been 3 hours since he last went so I know he needs to

I've put some YouTube songs on about potty training.

I'll put him in lose joggers as he really hates being naked from the waist down so I feel that's adding to his hatred of it all!

He does have obvious signs he needs to go and I jump on them but he holds onto it and I can tell he's desperate but this always coincides with nap time or bedtime where I put a nappy on as I don't want wet sheets or a wet sofa!

I wish I could catch a wee on the go but they all just wet his trousers

Arghhhh

OP posts:
Original poster
ParentConfessionTime · 11/10/2022 13:20

I've resorted to a bucket of warm water to play with on the potty on the hope it'll trigger something!

OP posts:
BlueRibbonPen · 11/10/2022 13:30

I got to this stage with my eldest, it had become a battle and he could hang onto it for 4-6 hours!

He knew exactly what I wanted from him, he was choosing not to use the potty toilet.

So I parked it and asked every morning “pants or nappy today” after a few weeks he said pants and I said that’s it though, we’re not using nappies anymore and he agreed, he took to it easily since then. Had to be his choice.

Id be tempted to do that or just stop prompting altogether and say “there’s the potty if you need a wee” back right off. For naps, put a training pad or a towel down so he’s not getting that regular nappy time which probably tides him over through the day.

BlueRibbonPen · 11/10/2022 13:30

Also not my finest moment but I weed in the potty myself and he seemed to like that!!

Original poster
ParentConfessionTime · 11/10/2022 13:32

BlueRibbonPen · 11/10/2022 13:30

Also not my finest moment but I weed in the potty myself and he seemed to like that!!

I am honestly at that point blue ribbon!

I just don't trust my aim!

OP posts:
Original poster
ParentConfessionTime · 11/10/2022 13:32

And yes, it's a complete battle of wills now and I think I've left it too late.

But because I know he doesn't want to and I also know what's he's like, I feel like if I ask him he'll say 'nappy' until he's in his teens 😆

OP posts:
BlueRibbonPen · 11/10/2022 13:35

ParentConfessionTime · 11/10/2022 13:32

I am honestly at that point blue ribbon!

I just don't trust my aim!

Show quote history

I was about 8 month pregnant too but managed to sit on it and not squash it!!

FlounderingFruitcake · 11/10/2022 13:44

It's been 3 hours since he last went so I know he needs to
I wouldn’t count on that, my DD’s record was 10.5 hours 😂

On the upside her camel like tendencies meant that once we did get finally get her trained, we never had to worry about the nearest loo!
We also did nap time without a pull up, because otherwise that would often be it for the day! We got a good waterproof mattress protector but without the safety of the pull up unsurprisingly it never got tested and she held it.

Original poster
ParentConfessionTime · 11/10/2022 14:41

Put loose joggers on as he was cold and immediately wee'd on the floor.

He gets upset when I mention doing it on the potty. I'm just not sure what to do here on day 4

OP posts:
Pinkittens · 11/10/2022 15:04

I'd leave it until a month or so after he's turned 3 (so you have a short break from it all as a re-set) and then go straight to the toilet, I wouldn't bother with the potty. I picked a day to start for my DC, gave them a couple of days notice (ie "On Monday, we'll be wearing big boy pants all the time and going on the toilet") and then just did it. I didn't make a huge thing of it like they were tiny, I would just ask them regularly to try for a wee at the toilet. I think I still used night time nappies but they got used to having a wee before bedtime and they were dry at night very quickly. I think training on a potty is good for younger toddlers but at 3 they can definitely use the toilet efficiently so I would take the potty out of it.

Pinkittens · 11/10/2022 15:07

Just spotted that upthread you said will "sit on the potty (prefers toilet)" so that's even more reason to not use a potty and just go for the toilet! The ultimate aim is toilet, not potty. Potty is a stepping stone, toilet is the destination and it sounds like he would be more ready to go straight to toilet at this point.

TimetoGoTed · 11/10/2022 15:11

Maybe try giving him a break for a month and forgetting it for a while as he seems to feel really pressured. Then do as the pp suggested and try the Oh Crap method. Read the actual book fully though as it's all about not making them sit on the potty for hours. As pp said go wild and do silly dancing etc if he wees successfully.

If he prefers the loo then get a footstool and use the loo.