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Original poster

Illness when starting nursery - days off work

42 replies

onedaysoonisher · 10/10/2022 16:36

My DC started nursery a month ago and it's been a constant cough, runny nose etc since then. Usually DC isn't too bothered by it - very happy in himself but literally once a week he's not himself/ has a slight temperature or he gives his latest disease to me and I'm really sick - I only work 3 days a week and the last 3 weeks I've had one day off work a week because of illness (DC's or mine). I'm so conscious of work and the fact that I am taking so many days sick (for me or because I have no childcare). My friends say the illness continues until they build up resistance but I can't do this for months - I'll be sacked! How do other people navigate this?

Thanks in advance!

OP posts:
Twizbe · 10/10/2022 16:39

It is really normal and it does settle down a bit.

Is dad on the scene? If so he should be doing half of the sick days to spread the load. I'm afraid, if you're sick you might have to dose up on the lemsip and battle through a bit.

Also, get them vaccinated against chicken pox now. That's not a fun one to get / work through.

Original poster
onedaysoonisher · 10/10/2022 16:45

@Twizbe thanks for the reply - good shout on the chickenpox vaccine I hadn't thought of that. We don't share sick days and I'm basically on my own in the week - DH works relatively long hours and I earn a tiny fraction of what he does so it doesn't make financial sense for him to take a day sitting at home with DC. It's going to be me every time!

OP posts:
SamanthaVimes · 10/10/2022 16:57

Is your DH self employed (eg would lose money by staying home) or does he work for a company (so would get a number of days dependents leave)? If the latter then I’d expect him to share days, maybe not 50/50 but he should do some.

It’ll be a struggle for you to manage all the days on your own, especially over the winter when illnesses come one after the other but there’s not really much you can do about it, if they’re ill they’re ill. The only thing that might help reduce it is avoid other things that will expose them to more stuff on non nursery days (eg softplay is a classic for spreading germs around)

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Twizbe · 10/10/2022 17:20

No no no no no.

Your DH has to do the 50/50 sick days. It's not all on you! My husband has a 'big job' and when I was at work after our first we split the sick days.

Justworkplease · 10/10/2022 17:26

@onedaysoonisher No advice but I’m in the same boat here. DH works away from home (offshore) 3 weeks on/3 weeks off. When he’s home it’s no issue as hes and he looks after DS - but that’s never happened as typically every illness has been when he’s been offshore and it’s my work that’s had to take the hit everytime. We’ve had 2 D&V bugs, Hand Foot & Mouth and numerous coughs/colds/temperatures 😓

Melonportal · 10/10/2022 17:33

As an employer, I'm a lot more understanding if both parents are doing their fair share. If dad's job is too important, I'm afraid I'd think you were taking the piss.

Teadrinkingmumofone · 10/10/2022 17:34

My DD has been at nursery two years now and it still a constant stream of bugs and illnesses! I'm wondering if it will ever end!

IDontDrinkTea · 10/10/2022 17:35

Is he being sent home or are you choosing not to send him? As if it’s really just a runny nose I’d send him in anyway

Crimeismymiddlename · 10/10/2022 17:38

You need to share the sick days. At my work place you would have hit the trigger for the absence policy. I am sure your husband would rather you did not lose your job. Or you could just go in feeling under the weather.

greenacrylicpaint · 10/10/2022 17:50

it's totally normal.
it will get betted after a few months.
you need to share the burden with your other half. anything else is unfair to everyone lazy git

welshweasel · 10/10/2022 17:53

I dosed mine up on nurofen and sent them in and I did the same for work! On the very few occasions they really couldn't go in (single figures of days for two kids over 10 cumulative years of school/nursery) then DH and I took it in turns.

Deffo get chicken pox vaccine.

sjxoxo · 10/10/2022 17:57

My DS has been at nursery about a month and tbh often has had runny nose.. I’ll admit I send him anyway. I think he perks up once there and they can give calpol if needed. The temp is different though.. mines not had a high temp. Are you sure it’s high? What sort of bugs is he picking up? If it’s vomit etc that’s different but if it’s a bit sniffly i would send him in anyway with some calpol xo

Original poster
onedaysoonisher · 10/10/2022 18:06

He works for a company but he makes my annual salary in 2 weeks or less so him having sick days all over the place (when everyone else there has stay at home wives or nannies) is not the best thing for the family finances. I could get a nanny but I just don't think I'd trust someone enough.

@Melonportal I'm really aware of this - that my employer (civil service) is basically getting screwed but also my team - someone has to cover etc.

I don't keep him home just for a runny nose and cough - otherwise I would have kept him home for the past month! But maybe I'm not judging how ill he needs to be well enough. And the nursery will email me and say he's really upset and not himself and I'll immediately rush off - perhaps that's not the best thing to do.

OP posts:
notdaddycool · 10/10/2022 18:12

I do more than half sick days and earn much more but my wife does some or it takes the piss out of my employer.

It’s a short phase, you won’t notice it by spring.

Numbat2022 · 10/10/2022 18:18

You have to split the sick days. Unless he's getting paid hourly - and it sounds like he's not - he can take annual leave or dependent's leave and get on with it, the same as you. It's not fair on you or your employer to have you doing all the sick days.

Unfortunately yes it is normal. It won't be like this forever, though it might feel like it at times. I've just relieved we don't have to rush ours off for a Covid test every bloody time he coughs or gets a temp now.

greenacrylicpaint · 10/10/2022 20:55

you could also try different work hours.

dh often started at silly o'clock and we swapped over at lunch time so we both did 6 hours at work.
that we we both did our fair share both at home and at work.

AegeanBlue · 10/10/2022 21:01

OP you are fucking over your career here by taking every hit. Your Dh does need to step up to the plate. Hell, men practically get a bloody round of applause when they do childcare like this. Don’t do it.

also - how do you think mothers in roles like his cope?

Bobbybobbins · 10/10/2022 21:21

We split sick days 50/50. We sometimes literally split the day so I go to work 8-12.30 then he goes from lunchtime and works a bit later. My DH is self-employed, earns more and works in a very male dominated industry. However we are a team.

Hearthnhome · 10/10/2022 21:27

Op I always earned multiples of exh. I still did sick days. If he earns you years salary in 2 weeks, he can afford an odd day off.

Besides which at his level (he sounds like a big earner) there will be options in place. Taking short notice annual leave etc.

You are damaging yourself by giving him an out because his job is ‘more important’

Quveas · 10/10/2022 21:27

I think you need to be aware of the fact that your child being sick is not a sick day from work for you. You are entitled to necessary unpaid time off work to make arrangements for care if your dependant is ill. If they are paying you, that is beyond what is required in law (given it is public sector you likely have some agreed policy on this), but sooner or later the employer is going to pull you for this. In my part of the public sector this is special leave - not sick leave, which is for when you are sick - and payment is discretionary. And with all the will in the world if you are missing one third of your working week every week, that discretion would be wearing out about now. If he is earning that much then perhaps you should be looking at whether you can pay someone to take over childcare. That would be a better option for you than surrendering your career. These childhood illnesses will be short term - your career won't be.

Overthebow · 10/10/2022 21:31

we split days too, it’s not fair it being all on your employer. We save up leave for emergency cover then use unpaid leave after that, but it’s all equal between my DH and I. We also rarely take sick leave for ourselves and push on through when we’re ill to lessen the impact on both jobs.

Cece92 · 10/10/2022 21:51

It's such a cycle when they start nursery/school. Nursery is worse because it's new. My DD is 9 and went back to school in august and she's had 2 colds. The first was just a runny nose and cough so she was still sent to school. This time she's for a sore throat thankfully it's her October week off school. I'm so conscious of her absence and she had loads last year, with us both being really poorly with covid, she was sent home 3 time with sickness aswell which has never happened, and she had a bad ear infection 😔 it's even better when they pass it over. I'm giving it couple of days and I know I'll have it. Hopefully after my days in the office so I'm not being cursed for not going in. X

MGee123 · 10/10/2022 21:54

It was awful for 3 months and then it got better. You just have to ride it out I'm afraid. You and your husband need to be sharing the sick days. What he earns is irrelevant.

AnnapurnaSanctuary · 10/10/2022 21:58

Is there any flexibility for you to make up some time by wfh on your days off?

B1pbop · 10/10/2022 22:06

If nursery are emailing you instead of calling it can’t be that urgent - definitely don’t pick him up unless nursery explicitly ask you to by phone!