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Parenting

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Original poster

How old was your DS when he started going into the 'Gents' toilets (when shopping and out and about) on his own? How did you feel about it when he did?

41 replies

ghosty · 26/01/2008 13:10

My DS was about 6 when he started getting fed up with coming into Ladies changing rooms at swimming pools with me and wanted to go into the Male changing rooms. I actively look for 'family changing' rooms to avoid this problem.
But at around 7 he started wanting to go into Gents toilets on his own. I have to say I hate it and I stand outside craning and peering in every time the door opens - getting very funny looks from the men coming out or going in. I have even been known to call out "(DS name) - everything OK?" much to DS's horror but I stopped doing that ...
He is 8 now and I still hate it.
Is this normal? Is it ok for him to go on his own? Anyone still insist their 8 year old comes into the Ladies with you? I am travelling to England from Aus on my own later this year and I really don't want him to go anywhere in airports without me. Am I being unreasonable to be thinking of suggesting to him that he comes to the Ladies with me when we are travelling?
Yours
Uptight Ghosty
x

OP posts:

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NAB3wishesfor2008 · 26/01/2008 13:11

My son is nearly 7 and I still take him in with me. Will do for quite a while yet. If DH is there he will take him in with him.

Kbear · 26/01/2008 13:11

I'd take him in the ladies, especially in an airport, but might relax a leeeetle bit at the local mall.

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 26/01/2008 13:11

BTW If you want him to go in the ladies with you, he goes in the ladies with you.

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OverMyDeadBody · 26/01/2008 13:11

oh god, I'm dreading the day my DS wants to do this, he asks every time now, he's not even 5 yet, there's no way I'm letting him into the gents on his own yet! I'd probably go in myself 30 seconds later from being so nervous!

yurt1 · 26/01/2008 13:14

I have the opposite problem- have to take my 8 year old with me (he's severely autistic)- we're staring to get looks and he always seems older than the other boys so I suspect 8 is about right.

spicemonster · 26/01/2008 13:14

My nephew goes on his own to the gents now he's 7 but only in shops and restaurants. If it's really busy with loads of people (like an airport) I insist he comes into the ladies with me. He moans a bit but puts up with it because he understands why (well sort of)

PrincessSnowLife · 26/01/2008 13:19

My DS (4.6) did this the other day for the first time. I was a bit surprised but let him do it as he clearly felt it was very important and grown up, bless him. And he enjoyed pointing out to me that I couldn't go in there and if I did want to pee I could go in to other toilets. It was at a small airport and not many people about. If it had been in a busier place I would have sent DH in with him or insisted he go with me, I suppose. I wouldn't ever want to make him scared of going in to places on his own. He moves at ten times normal human speed anyway...

Psychomum5 · 26/01/2008 13:21

I am like this.......and I have even been known to step into a gents toilet to check if things go quiet!

DS1 is 7 and DS2 is 5, and they go in the loo's together when we are out, and I stand outside and hoover......yelling out each time the doors open to them to make sure they wash their hands!

and I too get looks, but normally ones of humour.

it is so hard tho, but at some point they have to go, and we have to let the. doesn't mean we have to like it, but it has to happen and so letting them go but with warning about what to do is the best compromise.

one compromise tho.....at least boys are so quick it isn't long with the hovering

Original poster

ghosty · 26/01/2008 13:22

Yes, I am thinking that if I have a talk with him and tell him that just when we are travelling he will have to come with me and DD so we all stay together he will understand.

OP posts:

Psychomum5 · 26/01/2008 13:22

I don't hoover......I hover

AllieBongo · 26/01/2008 13:24

My DS is nearly 8 and I take him in the ladies with me. You can't see who is in the mens toilets, or what they are doing (other than peeing of course) I would not be happy with him going into an environment on his own with unknown men.

sparklylucy · 26/01/2008 13:25

my ds is 3 and sometimes goes to thegents alone BUT this is dependant on where we are. Its ok at our local swim pool - it seems ok there but no way would I let him at an airport, say or in an 'outdoor' public toilet. It worries me, too;

yurt1 · 26/01/2008 13:25

oh just noticed OP was ghosty

Original poster

ghosty · 26/01/2008 13:26

OP posts:

Original poster

ghosty · 26/01/2008 13:27

OP posts:

Psychomum5 · 26/01/2008 13:28

LOL

Original poster

ghosty · 26/01/2008 13:30

Alliebongo - I know what you mean but I am torn between the "Don't want my son being in an environment with unknown men" thought AND feeling that I must be being unreasonable thinking that "unknown men" are all dodgy??
How old will your DS be when you will let him go into the Gents alone?
I have told DS before that if anyone was ever to frighten him in the toilets he must scream and run very fast ...

OP posts:

AllieBongo · 26/01/2008 13:34

I don't trust anyone unless I know them veyr well. I know it's a sad way to be, but that's how i feel things are at the mo He doesn't mind anyway. I stand outside the cubicle and wait for him. I probably am OTT but I worry about men looking at his bits if he's at a urinal, or someone shoving him into a cubicle...

serenity · 26/01/2008 13:52

I figure the chances of them being approahed or molested in a busy public toilet are slim to nothing, but they both understand that if someone does talk to them/makes them feel uncomfortable that they are to come straight out or just yell as loud as possible. DSs have being going in alone (although generally together) since they were 6ish. I think I might have let DS1 take DS2 in when he was a bit younger, but I would have been waiting outside (more to be in shouting distance if I heard them mucking about rather than anything else tbh) I have to say though that DS2 won't use the urinals, he always locks himself in the cubical, maybe that's something you can ask your DS to do Ghosty?

serenity · 26/01/2008 13:56

Oh and I have gone into the mens before when I thought DS2 was taking too long, and he wasn't answering me standing in the door calling him, but it turned out he'd finished and gone back to DH whilst I was mucking about with DD in the womens. He'd 'not heard me' tell him to wait for me The trheat of having to come in with me and DD has made sure that hasn't happened again

bozza · 26/01/2008 14:11

I have a gradual approach on this with DS who is nearly 7. I let him go in the men's on his own at the swimming baths to get changed and everything when it is swimming lessons. But then the place is chock full of fathers and sons/daughters. And at local soft play places, some pubs, cafes etc I let him go in on his own. But at Ikea, Meadowhall etc I make him come in the ladies but allow him to use his own cubicle and talk to him meanwhile. Although if DH is with us, DS goes with DH and DD comes with me.

DH disapproves of this last - letting him go in his own cubicle. But it is alright for him. I don't think he has ever been stuck in a cubicle with DS and DD. And I think it is a half way house. I doubt there is really that much happening in the men's toilets but there is also the factor that DS would invariably be quicker than DD and me and so then would be hanging around outside waiting for us.

allgonebellyup · 26/01/2008 14:16

i went out with my nephew who was about 8, and let him go to the gents on his own, some bloke there asked my nephew to toss him off, and was trying to touch nephews' bits !!!
So that was a bit odd!!

elliott · 26/01/2008 14:22

Gosh I feel a bit like a slack mum about this. My ds's are 6 and 4 and quite often go into toilets by themselves. it really depends on the place - but in most restaurants, cafes, shops etc I don't really think twice about it. Perhaps I am naive and reckless, but seriously how risky is it? I mean I wouldn't let them go alone in a dodgy public park or in the public toilets in the middle of town but otherwise I am fairly relaxed. Come on and shoot me down!
btw in an airport I would probably prefer to have them with me - but that is mainly about it being a big and busy place and I need to know where they are rather than being worried about what will happen in the toilet...

bozza · 26/01/2008 14:31

elliott I think you are right really. Also problem with the airport to me, is that ghosty will go in with her DD who is younger and probably share a cubicle so take turns and take longer than her DS (don't women always? ) so then he will be hanging about outside.

But if I am in a cafe or something and half way through my meal and DS wants to go then I let him go on his own.

waltzingmatilda · 26/01/2008 14:35

There are signs at our local pool/sports centre that children over age 7 should not be in the ladies changing rooms/toilets. They do have a separate disabled toilet and family cubicles for changing so I guess if there is a special need to be with older children they would be expected to use those.

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