How old was your DS when he started going into the 'Gents' toilets (when shopping and out and about) on his own? How did you feel about it when he did?

[ghosty]

My DS was about 6 when he started getting fed up with coming into Ladies changing rooms at swimming pools with me and wanted to go into the Male changing rooms. I actively look for 'family changing' rooms to avoid this problem.
But at around 7 he started wanting to go into Gents toilets on his own. I have to say I hate it and I stand outside craning and peering in every time the door opens - getting very funny looks from the men coming out or going in. I have even been known to call out "(DS name) - everything OK?" much to DS's horror but I stopped doing that ...
He is 8 now and I still hate it.
Is this normal? Is it ok for him to go on his own? Anyone still insist their 8 year old comes into the Ladies with you? I am travelling to England from Aus on my own later this year and I really don't want him to go anywhere in airports without me. Am I being unreasonable to be thinking of suggesting to him that he comes to the Ladies with me when we are travelling?
Yours
Uptight Ghosty
x

yes, if family facilities are provided then that is great, but if not, he stays with me!

DS went to the ladies on his own (so I could go in if necessary) in McDonalds the other day - I was in the corridor, propping open the door to the loo whilst watching that our food wasn't thrown away

I don't let him lock the cubicle though! I have a rather irrational fear of him being locked in

oh I forgot to say - DS is 5

I've always found this hard. I tend to shove my head through the door behind them and bellow 'I'm just here if you need me!' to deter anyone dodgy.

DS1 8 goes to the gents on his own. He always says 'I know, I won't talk to anyone and come straight back'
I used to stand outside the door to the gents but now as long as I can see who is coming or going I'm ok with that.

My ds disappeared in Portugal last summer when he was just two and a half.

I guess not surprisingly, his disappearance kicked up a bit of a stir, with people running around frantically trying to find him. He literally disappeared into thin air.

Three minutes later (the longest three minutes of my life), he sauntered out of a male toilet cubicle round the the back of the beach restaurant we were eating in, wondering what all the fuss was about.

He's only 3.2 now, but I don't think it will be too long before he demands to go to the toilet on his own. He's a very independent little soul.

I believe the most parents here are over-protective. I have let my 4 year old use the gents on most occaisions for almost a year. It's astounding that many parents install the fear, that it is wrong to be alone with adult men, onto their sons. surely inspiring confidece, responsability, individuality and trust in your child far out weighs any unfouded fears you may have.

I am inclined to agree, chey.

My ds is 8 and on the whole he goes on his own. Agree with chey in that I don't want to instill fear into him. BUT there are some things I do to make me feel more in control:
1 before he goes in I whisper is he going for a wee or poo - just so I have an idea how long he'll be, so I'm not worrying if he's that little bit longer in there.
2 get him to go before we leave the house
3 If we're out and its been a while since he's 'been', I'll find toilets I'm more comfortable with and get him to go there rather than wait for him to need to go somewhere less salubrious, iykwim.
Tbh, my main concern with male toilets, isn't so much the strangers encountered, more the hygiene.

Ds1 is 4 and the only 'male' toilets he goes in are the ones at school.

and yes, probably unreasonable, but I accept and embrace it.

I think mine started when he was 8. It just seemed a natural progression - he was ready to do it, and I started to worry that other women didn't want him in the ladies. Mostly we have dh with us so it is ok, but I have had occasions where I have had to hang around outside the gents .

He has been changing at swimming pools since he was 7 though.

I've sent the boys since they were about 6.

At the airport/larger venues I tend to be very loud & stand right outside saying/shouting, "Don't forget to wash your hands and stay together the whole time" just so it's obvious that they're not alone. Daft prob but makes me feel better.

Here in Germany there isn't the same level of "stranger danger" and children go off alone a lot more. Dh has this look he gives me when I start worrying and saying, "Shouldn't he be back yet?"

Mind you, I've taken all 3 in with me when in a rush and no one ever reacts; I think most people accept that it's cos a male isn't there to go with the boys.

I don't see the problem really - in the ladies there are cubicles and no one comes out with their knickers down so it's not a problem if a 7 or 8 year old lad is in there, all he's going to se eis a bunch of women washing hands and maybe fixing their make up or whatever. In the gents on the other hand, if just for example I sent ds in and he took too long and I had to go in, then it could cause problems if there was a row of men standing with their willy out having wees!

My ds is 9 and he has the most amazing bladder, he never has to go and waits outside the door of the ladies for me and dd (who always have to go)!

MY DS IS 8 and hes probably been going in mens loo for about a yr. Sometimes he would still come in with me but he rarely does now. He is very sensible about it.

Im sure i remember seeing somewhere that it isnt suitable for a child over 8 to go in opposite sex toilets?
Maybe cos of privacy issues. I suppose there has to come a point when you want an older boy in the ladies loo and i boy would feel uncomfortable too.

cheychey and desiderata ... I do agree that most parents are over protective and I am the first in putting my hand up to admit that I am one of them.
One of the reasons I posted this thread the other night was because earlier that day my friend (who only has girls and we were talking about the logistics of travelling in airports with boys when DH isn't there) told me a horrific story of a 10 year old girl in Australia who was raped and murdered in a public toilet while her male cousin (around 18 years old who was shopping with her) waited outside - this story sent me scuttling to MN to find out whether my own fears were normal or if I was panicking from this story. I have never liked the idea of him going alone but I have let him since he was 6 or so. That horrific story however, made me have a panic about the airport travel ...