3 week old won't stop screaming

[shilohsmum]

DH and I are really struggling as first time parents. He seems soo unhappy, so unsettled, spending the majority of the time awake screaming - only settled with breastfeeding which makes me a feeding slave! We're thinking of introducing combo feeding with formula for evening/night feeds so I can have some kind of break, even though I didn't want him on formula so soon. He's often up every hour or more during the night too. We are utterly exhausted.

He quite likes being rocked on the bouncy ball I used when pregnant but it's hit and miss.

We've seen a cranial osteopath (thought he might have issues due to forceps), an IBCLC who ruled out a tongue tie and said everything was great and saw the GP too who said nothing was wrong with him. Hes still so unsettled. He seems to have some painful gas sometimes but otherwise we don't know how to make him happy.

When does it get better? It's enough to put me off ever wanting another! Desperate for advice or reassurance at this point.

Have you seen the health visitor?

My daughter screamed constantly, she was also sick a lot, eventually prescribed medication for reflux which helped but she was hard work until she weaned. Does your lo show signs of reflux or silent reflux?

I could have written your exact post at 3 weeks. It does get better I promise. I have a very windy baby and I burp her every 30-60ml and she’s four months as she’s so gassy. She’s formula fed.
if it helps at it all it really doesn’t last forever as I truly felt that and she’s not as bad now, she’s more content. She does have her days but it’s not constant like when shr was newborn.

My son would only settle doing squats (exhausting!) for the first several weeks of life. And sometimes bouncing on the ball. I also recommend a carrier or sling while you do said squats.

White noise, loud, also helped a lot. I use this one on my phone (downloaded and went on airplane mode): open.spotify.com/episode/2iOqNDvQuv1RyU5SEG0FN0?si=Sb_0D0q_TkOd9JQxXwQCnA&utm_source=copy-link

Does he take a dummy? Do you have Velcro swaddles you can use (crying babies are very squirmy).

Be sure to give him naps regularly following his wake window. Contact nap if you have to.

My son got SO MUCH BETTER after a few osteopath appointments and even better after 12 weeks. But he still does cry.....

Sounds like it could be a number of things. GPs tend to fob off new parents a lot. Are they being sick at all? Have you looked into CMPA? My DC1 had horrendous reflux that made him scream nonstop until someone on here suggested it was CMPA. We had to combi feed and get special formula, pump all breastmilk, and mix all feeds with carobel. He was also a high needs baby and a contact napper. 😵‍💫
It does get better OP but as to when… it depends on what the problem is.

You're not going to want to hear this but hopefully it'll be reassuring to hear you're not doing anything wrong - it's perfectly normal.

Have a read about the 4th trimester and it might make more sense why baby is like they are.
The mantra in my group of mum t has always been you just get through the first 6/7 weeks and then you start to come out the other side and begin some semblance of a routine as they fall into a pattern themselves.

Get a sling (close caboo is ace) and carry baby around in there so you have your hands for other things.
Tag team with DH when you can. Get him on the boob when he wants and just survive the next few weeks. It's bloody hard work, some babies harder than others but I promise you you'll put this phase to bed one day in the same way you put labour and birth to bed and forget quite how much it hurt.

Keep going, you're doing great.xx

Honestly the first 6 weeks with both of my babies were fairly tough with crying for no reason. Have you popped them in a baby carrier? Sometimes just waking them around for ages helps...I'm sure 6 seems was the peak and it got better after that.

Hold on in there, I don't think tv, media,
Families etc prepare you for the random newborn crying.

You poor thing, big hugs

Sounds like gas or colic to me (not a Medical professional) I started my 12 week on Infacol at about 5 weeks that changed her so much , stopped the red devil 👹 screams

Try some bicycle legs and legs pumps while doing a nappy change.

Above all else you sound like a great mumma and you are doing nothing wrong, if bubs only sleeps on you then don’t feel bad , just do what you have to do to survive

At 12 weeks we still get meltdowns but it is softened by smiles and the sounds she makes so it does get better

Handhold OP, it’s really tough I know. Our DS2 was like that, honestly 7.5mths of hell, but we got through it. It will get easier, do whatever you need too to survive, take any help offered, my late MIL was an absolute angel, and helped us so much.

Thanks everyone, we do use a Moby sling but he only seems to like it sometimes (probably haven't quite got the hang of it just yet). Colic I think is ruled out because he still brings up milk and gets hiccups which apparently don't align with colic symptoms.

We tried infacol a few days ago but he puked that up pretty fast so gave up.

He seems to have longer sleeps contact napping and honestly it makes you just want to let him sleep on you all night even though it's against SIDS advice!

If I had to do it over again I would seriously have considered a doc a tot and would have tried harder on swaddling and pacifier (he refused both though....).

Is he sick a lot or small amounts? My eldest ds was very unsettled and vomited most feeds. He had a pyloric stenosis ( thickening of the passage between stomach and small bowel). Solved with a routine operation. It’s apparently very common in first born boys. But my son would vomit very large amounts quite forcefully! He cried a lot because he was hungry and uncomfortable but then would vomit his feeds.

You can use colief drops too instead of infacol.x

My daughter screamed for about 3 months. It does get better yes, stay strong. Maybe ask to see health visitor or doctor to rule out colic or reflux? Does he stop crying if you feed him? Have you tried a dummy?

I put gripe water in my 5 week olds bottles it really helps with getting burps up.

It does get easier OP I promise! The first few weeks are hard. Not only are you getting used to being a mother you are getting to know this little tiny baby that relies on you. Breast feeding also means a lot of it falls on us.

From what you have said I would definitely speak with your health visitor. I'm by no means an expert but a lot of what you have said sounds similar to what a lot of mums in my group have experienced and they found out there baby had a dairy intolerance. They stopped dairy and it improved massively. This may be one thing your HV will ask you to try.

The cluster feeds are hard going. You feed baby and let your OH feed you. Have you also thought about co-sleeping? This will help squeeze in as much sleep as possible with constant night feeds https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/ lullaby trust can guide you how to do this safely!

You will get there OP I promise Definitely speak with your HV as it sounds like something is bothering your little one. Best of luck and huge congratulations momma!

I remember at 3 weeks thinking I would love to send DS back, where to I wasn't sure. It turned out he had a dairy allergy and I was eating loads of yoghurt, and drinking milk but it went through my breast milk and made him sick. Three weeks was the hardest. It will get better, speak to your HV ask about tongue tie, and colic etc. It will get better. My DS is now 11 and I love him to bits.

Yes to swaddling

Can you do some tag teaming, that worked really well for us. I would feed, go to bed about 7 and get up at midnight (with him brought to me to feed lying down on my side- husband stayed to make sure safe etc as I was drowsy.) I would then get up at midnight and be up until 6am but normally would get the odd nap in. Husband would relieve me to shower and have breakfast before he went to work. I’d make myself a sandwich or something easy to grab for lunch too.

Whoever was up was downstairs with lights dimmed and Moses basket to put baby down into if able. She didn’t go into her next to me for 2 months as we just kept her downstairs. There’s no point both being up and exhausted. Lights dimmed and tv on- I watched all of selling sunset and bridgerton that way!

We used the close caboo and that helped, swaddled (using Muslim swaddles as got a tighter roll) and white noise although that was bit hit and miss.

And oh god I’d forgotten about the wind. Bloody bicycle legs for hours. Also lying on my arm- tiger in the tree hold worked well too. The I love you massage on tummy.

Sounds silly but have you tried a dummy? Babies can find them very soothing and calming. We introduced one at a few weeks and made a huge difference!

Sorry and ignore if you already use one!

I love you massage for the wind. Roger in the tree hold. Just getting through and snatching alley where you can. It all gets better after a couple of months but this has taken me back to those days!

Look up happiest baby on the block or the 5 S’s… it’s a miracle cure for purple crying. DC1 had colic and cried from 4-9 every day until I discovered that happiest baby video on YouTube

Firstly, many congrats!!
This really does sound like a combination of very normal breastfeeding newborn behaviour with the possible addition of colic (& if there are other symptoms - bad rash/blood in nappy CMPA). I say this with the experience of 9 children - the last of whom had CMPA. All breastfed.
At 3 weeks your DS is still establishing your supply and he is doing absolutely the right thing by feeding - a lot!! If he does has some colic it is also comforting for them to suckle. You could try a dummy for a bit of respite if he will take one. Some of mine did some didn't. Contact napping is absolutely normal at this point. I would also try some gripe water at 4 weeks + it might or might not work. Sometimes it just distracts them as it's a new taste/sensation. A bath can sometimes distract as can a car ride/pram (my 9th hated the pram until she was 3 months and then loved it). Swaddling can help, some like it some don't. Basically you need to try things and you may or may not find something that helps!! But it's DOES get better!!!

Awww this sounds so so hard OP.
I'd try and go back to the dr, sounds like something is making baby uncomfortable. Reflux? Silent reflux, some kind of allergy to something in your milk?
Keep pushing
Also as others have said, make sure they're getting plenty of naps in the day. Shouldn't be awake for more than about an hr at this age otherwise they'll get overtired.
I've got my second baby coming shortly. First was a terrible sleeper beyond 4mo so I've been doing the parent and baby sleep coach new born course. She talks a lot about unsettled babies.
I hope you get to the bottom of it soon xx