My baby just will not chill. At all. Ever.

[Twobecomingthreeplusthedog]

One exhausted mum here and just don’t know if this is normal and I’m expecting too much.

I have diagnosed ADHD which I guess is why I worry that my son shows signs already at 17 months. Maybe I’m just looking for them because of my diagnosis?

my 17 month old had always been such a difficult baby. So difficult that family refuse to look after him as he’s so exhausting. It doesn’t help there are other babies in the family the same age who act like angels.

usually mornings he’s pretty chilled or at least easier to manage. He wants to constantly be active doing things, not so much of a big deal he’s a toddler! But if he’s in his pram and it’s not moving he we will kick off like mad, always has done since he was 3 months old. Even if I pop into the bakery it’s full on meltdown because the pram isn’t moving at a pace fast enough.

at 4 months you couldn’t put him on a playmat to occupy himself for any time at all. He hated it and would be bored rigid and screaming. The only thing that gave us peace was a finding nemo playmat that had lights and sounds which entertained him for 20 mins on a good day only.

He will only walk in the direction HE wants to go in even if it’s the opposite to where we need to be. Meltdown ensues. I thought this was normal until I took him to the park with a friend who’s son was happy to go where she told him or led him. If he went the wrong way she’d pick him up and he’d happily just start again where she placed him. Mine lost his shit. She asked if he’s always like this and how do I cope. Yes and I don’t.

Today, took him for a long walk to the pub for a Coke. Loads of fields and open space for him to explore which he did for ten minutes then back in pram and regular intervals got out and had the opportunity to run wild. The entire 45 mins home he didn’t want to walk but didn’t want to be in the pram. Full on meltdown. Not hungry not thirsty. Show him a YouTube video and he would be SILENT but I refuse to have him glued to a screen 90% of the time.

This is every single day. He goes to nursery 4 days thank god because I just wouldn’t cope.

Any time we go out with family with babies the same age it’s stressful and embarrassing. Their children will happily sit in a pram and be pushed round a zoo, they’ll happily sit in a highchair at a restaurant and eat. My child will not. Whenever he eats he is constantly moving, his feet his hands, his entire body. He will sit in a highchair and throw 90% of his food, shouting and then will not sit still. My husband resorts to giving him an iPad and then he sits like an absolute angel.

We’ve started to now not put any nursery rhymes on and finding educational stuff on YouTube instead to lesson the guilt.

Can I ask which channels you now use? Someone recommended Miss Rachel on Youtube when I wrote a thread where I expressed that I was concerned about my daughter’s speech. Her voice is quite annoying but I can see how it helps toddlers!

@DoubleBuggyDriver we also watch miss rachel although I find it hard to tolerate! We found an animal one which he loved, it’s 55 mins of animals and starts with a cow.

we’re trying to get into more cartoons or shows rather than nursery rhymes so he likes postman pat and absolutely loves Peter rabbit.

Just another perspective, my granddaughter sounded very much like your son at 18 months, I look after her one day a week and I can honestly say I did not enjoy it! She was so difficult, I never took her out in the car or pram as was so worried I’d never get her back in and I’d be stranded somewhere which a screaming baby 😂Also the direction thing- when she was in the pram if we didn’t go the way she wanted she would have a complete meltdown! The only thing that calmed her was Peppa on a screen.
She’s almost two now and in the last few weeks her language vocabulary and understanding has mushroomed and whilst she still tantrums it is so much easier to explain things to her or for her to tell us what she wants. She’s like a different child, much calmer and happier.

He sounds exactly like my daughter (who in addition didn’t sleep and was an early and non-stop talker). She was (and is) much harder than all the other babies. We are waiting for an ADHD assessment now (she’s 7) and she still doesn’t stop, though it is somewhat less exhausting. Everyone always comments on her energy (!) You have my sympathies. It is hard. (We didn’t have another one). I was always amazed at the babies that sat still and chilled. I couldn’t believe that one of my NCT group was able to plan her wedding while having a baby around. I couldn’t even call the gas/ elec people to query a bill. She needed (still needs) constant stimulation / entertainment. She will watch TV but is normally moving around doing handstands/ cartwheels etc while doing so.

Out of interest, what happens when he has a meltdown? Do you give in and let him do what he wants to do? Possibly he has learnt that screaming and shouting will be rewarded with an ice cream, longer play etc. Maybe try (providing he’s a safe environment) to let him have the tantrum, don’t respond, and let him learn that shouting isn’t always rewarded.

@Riverlee he’s always been left to tantrum and come out of it and we’ve never given in. We have tried to comfort and cuddle him etc but that makes it worse and leads to hitting and pulling hair so now he’s just left to do his thing and eventually he’ll come round but it can take AGES.

@LizzieSiddal this is really reassuring thank you. I do think that the fact he doesn’t have any words and cannot communicate with me is making things so much harder and so much more frustrating for him. I’m hoping that once the language falls into place we will find it easier.

@Rosegeranium that baby sounds delightful. I know exaclty what you mean by I can barely answer the front door without chaos never mind sit with time to think!!!

i think we will push our plans of a second out until he’s 4ish and hope by then we will have a much clearer idea whether he potentially has ADHD or whether this is the terrible twos early….I’m praying for his sake the latter.

Could you get him things similar to the light up bubble tube for home? Not sure if something like that could give you some respite with less guilt as not a screen?

I am a gran and have no experience of what the OP is going through but just wanted to say that I do feel quite sad for some of you young mums who feel you have to justify and apologise for letting your little ones have screen time. There's nothing wrong with it, even if sometimes it's for a few hours a day as long as it's mixed up with other things too.
You need a break too sometimes and half an hour or so of TV is going to give you that.
I hope no one thinks I am being patronising, it's not meant that way, but I think if you are on here asking for advice, sharing your experiences or just reading about what others are going through, you are all doing a great job.