My baby just will not chill. At all. Ever.

[Twobecomingthreeplusthedog]

One exhausted mum here and just don’t know if this is normal and I’m expecting too much.

I have diagnosed ADHD which I guess is why I worry that my son shows signs already at 17 months. Maybe I’m just looking for them because of my diagnosis?

my 17 month old had always been such a difficult baby. So difficult that family refuse to look after him as he’s so exhausting. It doesn’t help there are other babies in the family the same age who act like angels.

usually mornings he’s pretty chilled or at least easier to manage. He wants to constantly be active doing things, not so much of a big deal he’s a toddler! But if he’s in his pram and it’s not moving he we will kick off like mad, always has done since he was 3 months old. Even if I pop into the bakery it’s full on meltdown because the pram isn’t moving at a pace fast enough.

at 4 months you couldn’t put him on a playmat to occupy himself for any time at all. He hated it and would be bored rigid and screaming. The only thing that gave us peace was a finding nemo playmat that had lights and sounds which entertained him for 20 mins on a good day only.

He will only walk in the direction HE wants to go in even if it’s the opposite to where we need to be. Meltdown ensues. I thought this was normal until I took him to the park with a friend who’s son was happy to go where she told him or led him. If he went the wrong way she’d pick him up and he’d happily just start again where she placed him. Mine lost his shit. She asked if he’s always like this and how do I cope. Yes and I don’t.

Today, took him for a long walk to the pub for a Coke. Loads of fields and open space for him to explore which he did for ten minutes then back in pram and regular intervals got out and had the opportunity to run wild. The entire 45 mins home he didn’t want to walk but didn’t want to be in the pram. Full on meltdown. Not hungry not thirsty. Show him a YouTube video and he would be SILENT but I refuse to have him glued to a screen 90% of the time.

This is every single day. He goes to nursery 4 days thank god because I just wouldn’t cope.

Any time we go out with family with babies the same age it’s stressful and embarrassing. Their children will happily sit in a pram and be pushed round a zoo, they’ll happily sit in a highchair at a restaurant and eat. My child will not. Whenever he eats he is constantly moving, his feet his hands, his entire body. He will sit in a highchair and throw 90% of his food, shouting and then will not sit still. My husband resorts to giving him an iPad and then he sits like an absolute angel.

This sounds really intense. Toddlers of course can be very very intense but the fascination with lights/screens would have me asking if you might also consider looking into ASD. Does he love wheels on toys/spinning toys? Have any repetitive movements/sounds that might be stimming? How is he socially? Good eye contact and shared enjoyment of activities/toys/books?

Sounds very like my son. Diagnosed autistic at 2.5 and adhd diagnosed at 6. Screens are his coping mechanism. I hate it but am gradually having to learn to just accept it.

Thank you both. I have a huge fear that he is developing ASD. It runs in my partner side of the family very very strongly. But all our family have said that he makes eye contact, plays with you, brings you things to play with, will interact with other babies etc. no sign of stimming. But if we’re walking something and we go over a small bridge or even over something ‘different’ he will want to repeatedly walk over it backwards and forwards :( which just screams to me ASD.

however all the people I know with kids with ADHD and ASD all have trouble sleeping which he doesn’t (but then neither do I!).

Sounds very much like my son! He is now 5 and pre-diagnosed ADHD (in the U.K. they don’t confirm the diagnosis before 6). He was assessed for ASD, some traits were found but not sufficient for a diagnosis. My son has no trouble sleeping too.

Keep an eye on his development. DS had good eye contact for a while but had a huge skills regression around 18 months. There is a toddler autism test called M CHAT available online, that quickly confirmed my suspicions were justified. I always knew he had adhd too but they wouldn't diagnose that till a lot later.

Thanks both. The M CHAT comes back as a score of 7 so medium risk. Nursery have always said he’s a ‘sensory seeking baby’ and loves a light up bubble tube with fish in and will sit for hours with it. He’s always loved lights!

i will speak to the HV next week and see what they suggest but i imagine sweet FA. Will speak to nursery too next week and see if they think he may have some delays (I fear they would say yes).

No advice but sounds very much like my little boy, especially the repeatedly running back and forth over a bridge or something, it's certainly exhausting!

Is your son diagnosed at all? Or did he ‘outgrow’ being a difficult so and so? 😅

Once upon a time I had three little boys....... All like yours op, a very elderly gentleman once said to me 'some children are too thick to be naughty' as he watched mine😂 bless him😍, to make me feel better! As newborns I couldn't put them down, they didn't sleep much and always wanted entertaining, once mobile on the go all the time. First one would be up til midnight at 10 months old and awake at 7.00am. If any conciliation, all three turned out to be very intelligent and are all now fully functioning adults.

This gives me more hope that you know. My mum always says my baby is just like me (hence the worry about adhd!) and said ‘he’s just got spirit!’

@Twobecomingthreeplusthedog he's also got a medium risk M CHAT so the HV was going to review him early (he's just turned 2) but it's all been postponed now...he's also speech delayed but we were helpfully told to ring back in 3 months if he still wasn't talking...

Don't get het up in the "Well he doesn't do X so that must mean he can't be Y" - autism (and to an extent ADHD) are spectrum conditions meaning children don't always hit every single marker and may have a different presentation from each other.

Sounds like it makes sense to look for more info, referrals etc. In the meantime just love him for who he is :)

Thanks all. I have a referral with BUPA for myself this week and will speak to the psychiatrist about doing the same for him. Will also speak to the HV and see what they suggest. We aren’t even near talking yet, just a load of noise. I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t talk properly until he’s 3 at this rate. His friends are all naming animals and asking for food and he doesn’t even point at anything never mind attempt any words!

No pointing by 18 months is certainly an indicator for possible autism. It was one of the first concrete things I managed to point out to our HV, although I suspected long before that

He sounds a lot like my now 12 yr old was as a baby, except that DS was an extremely early talker and was using simple sentences by about 18 months. Didn't make him any calmer though 😬

It was beyond exhausting and I really feel for you! I remember once saying it felt like my actual soul was being rubbed over a cheese grater because it was just so frazzling and the frustrated yelling was so endless and he was never still even in his sleep...

DS is 12 now and an absolute delight - polite, funny, chatty, fairly chill overall, cuddly (making up for how much he hated cuddles as a baby haha), inquisitive, doing well at school. He is also diagnosed autistic and we strongly suspect ADHD but awaiting assessment for that still.

DS is 8 and still can't say more than a dozen words, and they aren't clear. He is very good at letting you know what he does/doesn't want in other ways though!

One other thing we noticed early on is he would want us to do things for him, like press the correct buttons on his toys pr picture in a book. He would take our finger to do it rather than do it himself. This is very common too.

Thank you both for some additional things to look out for. I’m going to give it 18 months and then raise as a concern with the HV and will speak to nursery later this week to see if they have any concerns.

I can certainly relate to the soul grating. I feel desperately sad at the moment that my plans of a second child will be out the window. We’d always planned to wait until he was 3.5 before we tried for another but I don’t think I could put myself through this again.

Ironically last night he started pointing to something in a book so at least I know his fingers work.

I’m less worried about the talking as I know that can take a long time and babies develop differently.

Kicking myself that the time he has at home he watches too much tv which I guess I told myself he was learning from but clearly he isn’t. It’s the only restbite I get when he will sit and watch some nursery rhymes!

OP, I’ve been watching your thread since you started it and also feel somewhat similar to you.

My DD is also 17 months. She’s able to play by herself and has always been a calm ish baby. However she’s yet to say one word and shows little understanding to things. She doesn’t point to thinks she wants and doesn’t understand what you’re trying to do when you point to items. I’ve been somewhat worried about her however I know all babies & toddlers progress and different times.

My daughter is the same in the sense that a screen will calm her down immediately and I fear she’s actually had too much screen time. She’s now down to three hours of screen time a day which I’m hoping will help her speech as time comes along.

My thoughts are with you X

@DoubleBuggyDriver Thank you so much for such a supportive response and my thoughts are with you too.

i feel guilty over the screen time but I’ve justified it by saying that 4 days a week he gets about 30 mins when he’s home from nursery and eating his tea. Fridays are his chill day as he’s so exhausted so probably does have 4-5 hours in total and weekends it’s usually on 3-4 hours in the morning in the background whilst he’s playing but we go out all afternoon.

We’ve started to now not put any nursery rhymes on and finding educational stuff on YouTube instead to lesson the guilt. We found a YouTube video all about animals which he loves.

The other thing is that he constantly has ear infections and a lack of hearing properly can’t help anyones speech so maybe that’s playing a small part.

I feel more confident today after he’s shown some new skills with climbing stairs the last 2 days so maybe in time it will all come together…

Sounds like my son
hes ten now and has only just been diagnosed earlier this year with autism & adhd after being fobbed off from a young age. I always knew deep down some was different because compared to my friends children of the same ages he was really hard work.
Ad to be carried round, wouldn’t sit in a high chair, awful in restaurants, no one would mind him :(
hes much easier now thank god
go with your gut and don’t be fobbed off.

I relate to your messages so much.

My son is 18 months and has CMPA. It has been exhausting from the start. He doesn't sleep well at all which doesn't help :(

We've always known he was a difficult baby but it's become more apparent recently that he needs constant entertainment/stimulation and just will not relax unless in front of a screen. We recently went on holiday and as you said, it was eye opening to see all the other children sat happily in their high chairs or in their prams. Our son NEVER does this and its such hard work. He does say a couple of words but nothing compared to others around him of a similar age and its such a worry.

Our son has always been obsessed with opening and closing doors and repetitive actions.

We thought of having another when he was 3 but I also can't bear this feeling again and I think I'm too emotionally drained I just can't. Really hoping everything goes ok for us all X

@OliR93 i really relate to this feeling. I am mind blown when I am out and see children the same age in pushchairs in shops happily just sitting watching the world go by. My child won’t even sit in a pram unless it’s moving
‘at pace’ not just back and forth.

I’ve resorted to screen time for my own sanity and it’s the only thing that keeps him occupied but blame myself for ever introducing the tv.

I am just hoping when he starts to talk more and understand he may be easier. But the thought of another right now fills me with absolute dread and jealously that I didn’t get the wonderful baby stage.

we also had CMPA but only for 9 months!

Same here. I've given up worrying about screens. We do plenty of other outdoor activities.

OP I really sympathise, my advice is manage in whatever way works for you

My DS was the same, I couldn’t believe it when I saw other babies / toddlers sitting in their pushchairs happily, even one of my postnatal group told me “he’s not like all the other babies!” He was absolutely exhausting. He is 17 now, was diagnosed ASD and ADHD at age 10 but has turned into a lovely young man. He also has never had issues with eye contact or sleeping.

My ds was like this. He's 15 now and never been diagnosed with anything other than dyspraxia. I was young when I had him and didn't know anyone else with babies so didn't know it wasn't the norm tbh. It was definitely exhausting!!!!

Dd was also full on but would sit still for things like eating and drawing etc so if was slightly easier.