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Parenting

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Original poster

Baby’s dad unhappy as he’s never fed her due to breastfeeding

49 replies

Mamabearandcub · 07/10/2022 16:54

Hello, me and my baby’s dad aren’t together but recently he’s told me he’s not happy that he’s never fed his child. I exclusively breastfed and baby won’t take a bottle. I personally never seen the fact that he’s not fed her as an issue, but he seemed really angry about it. Is there anything I can say or do to make him feel better? I thought I was doing a good thing by breastfeeding but obviously not as I’ve unwittingly excluded him and made him upset.

OP posts:

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DrivingTheoryTest · 07/10/2022 16:55

Poor lamb.

LuciaPopp · 07/10/2022 16:55

You are doing a good thing. Please don’t let him put you off. There are lots of other ways he can bond with your baby.

AquaticSewingMachine · 07/10/2022 16:56

He can build a ladder and get over himself.

He can get involved with weaning at 6mo if he wants.

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lisavanderpumpscloset · 07/10/2022 16:56

How old is baby? If still a baby then he's being unreasonable. If baby is 5 years old that's different.

But ultimately you're not doing anything wrong. He needs to grow up.

You DO NOT need to 'say or do to make him feel better'.

Swannning · 07/10/2022 16:57

Selfish man-child can fuck right off. You are doing the best thing for your baby, he needs to grow up. There are lots of ways he can bond with your baby.

You keep going right on with what you are doing.

SudocremOnEverything · 07/10/2022 16:57

It’s not your job to make him feel better. I bet he wouldn’t be complaining if he weren’t changing nappies. For some reasons people think there’s more glory to be had in infant feeding and make a fuss.

You are doing the right thing for your child. There are plenty of other things he can be doing.

FlounderingFruitcake · 07/10/2022 17:00

Great so when baby is 6MO he can take the lead and do all homemade purées for first tastes.

Duolingolater · 07/10/2022 17:00

Why are you wanting to say something to make him feel better? You are not together, he is an adult and you are doing the best for your child. It won't be for long ( I BF for over 3 years) but dc father got involved in feeding from weaning. Stop trying to pander to him

Lulu1919 · 07/10/2022 17:03

He never gave birth ,he never had morning sickness some things only the mother can do
It's how it is
Plenty of time in the future for him do his bit with feeding !!

RampantIvy · 07/10/2022 17:05

He isn't with you any more so he doesn't get to call the shots. He needs to get over himself.

TBH I hated weaning, so he can do that instead.

BlueRibbonPen · 07/10/2022 17:09

My youngest never took a bottle. My eldest did but didn’t until 5m. Both adore their dad.

Presumably you’re the primary carer right now, do what works for you and baby. I’ve never understood this obsession with bottle feeding a baby in order to bond. There are many other tasks that nuture a bond and fall under basic care.

Original poster

Mamabearandcub · 07/10/2022 17:11

I never knew he was so offended by my breastfeeding. He asked when I was pregnant whether I wanted to Breast or bottle feed, and I said breast due to health benefits, and he seemed fine with that. If he had breasts I’d be more than happy for him to feed her. If I couldn’t breastfeed I’d be more than happy for him to do all the bottle feeding and sterilising etc when he sees her. I just don’t know what to say to him to make him feel like he’s not missing out on something? Maybe he thinks not giving her milk will affect their bond? Which isn’t true as plenty of mothers solely breastfeed, and the children have great relationships with father despite this. Im more than happy for him to help and be involved with weening!

OP posts:

gretr · 07/10/2022 17:13

Whether a baby is bottle-fed or breastfed, it makes no difference to how they bond with their parents. He’s being petulant.

SwordToFlamethrower · 07/10/2022 17:14

I'm glad you're not with him anymore OP. What a whiny entitled man child. He wants what he can't do. Wah, poor jealous baby.

He can change the nappies.

Upnorthen · 07/10/2022 17:15

It's about the baby not him.
He can get involved at weaning it's not that long to wait.

Original poster

Mamabearandcub · 07/10/2022 17:15

Yes I think he feels he must bottle feed her in order to bond or something, which is rubbish. I’m more than happy for him to do nappy changes, bathing, massage, playing, weening etc. I’m her primary caregiver and I told him it’s my job to feed her, but he said he’s also a caregiver to her so he should also be feeding her…

OP posts:

FurAndFeathers · 07/10/2022 17:16

You tell him to stop putting his own preferences above his child’s well-being and to support you in making choices that are good for your baby
And you stop pandering to him. Honestly why are you giving this headspace?

Original poster

Mamabearandcub · 07/10/2022 17:21

His family don’t like and I don’t believe the women in his family exclusively breastfed so I think they might be saying things to him to make him think I’m a bad person for not allowing him to feed his child by breastfeeding… 🙄

OP posts:

RoseslnTheHospital · 07/10/2022 17:21

Definitely don't give this any headspace other than to think "what a twit" and be thankful you're no longer together. It beggars belief that he could begrudge the mother of his child for breastfeeding.

I would guess he comes from a background where no one in his wider family has breastfed and there is a deeply embedded culture of bottle feeding.

SuperCamp · 07/10/2022 17:22

Bloody hell, you have one baby to look after, that’s enough!

Tell him that as father his job is to want the best for his child, and that includes supporting you to give your baby the best healthy start you can. And does he really want the baby to miss the best source of feeding, and lose what the know, just to appease his adult demands?

Be careful OP. He is being controlling and emotionally manipulative in selfishly guilt tripping you about this.

PinkPlantCase · 07/10/2022 17:23

He needs to get over himself.

MrsTimRiggins · 07/10/2022 17:25

Silly cunt. Tell him to get over himself. He sounds like he’s off to a flying start as a good, caring dad, putting his pathetic whingey feelings above what’s best for his child

strawberry2017 · 07/10/2022 17:25

How old is baby?

SamanthaVimes · 07/10/2022 17:28

He’s being a twat. There are lots of other ways he can bond.

Tell him he can do the weaning to complimentary food at 6 months (and the clearing up!)

Original poster

Mamabearandcub · 07/10/2022 17:28

Baby is 3 and a half months - I’m happy for him to get involved with weaning at 6 months and to take her out for meals and cook her meals etc throughout her life!

OP posts:

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