Baby’s dad unhappy as he’s never fed her due to breastfeeding

[Mamabearandcub]

Hello, me and my baby’s dad aren’t together but recently he’s told me he’s not happy that he’s never fed his child. I exclusively breastfed and baby won’t take a bottle. I personally never seen the fact that he’s not fed her as an issue, but he seemed really angry about it. Is there anything I can say or do to make him feel better? I thought I was doing a good thing by breastfeeding but obviously not as I’ve unwittingly excluded him and made him upset.

Oh I see so granny is feeding him rubbish about breastfeeding, because it means SHE can't have the kid as and when SHE wants to be her do over child... and he is so tied to her apron strings he is much more interested in what his mammy wants than what his child needs... Good luck with this one OP. You've done well to get rid this far, I have a feeling there are many challenges to come!

Exactly. I have never understood the argument that feeding a baby is more bonding than anything else you do with a baby.

I'd bet he doesn't actually give a shit about feeding the baby.
He's very happy to have found a stick to beat you with.

Lots of projection on this thread!
Yes father's (and grandparents) can get insecure about their relationship with little ones.
Clearly you want to keep your boundary of breastfeeding which is fine but why not turn the question back on him. Say, ok so it sounds like you are feeling left out, I want to help but I'm not prepared to compromise on feeding. How can I help make this better for you in another way?
And then see whether you can come up with ideas together.
As soon as you start working against each other instead of together it will just go down hill. No one on this thread cares about your relationships within your family, but you clearly do, which is great.
Good luck.

This.

Point him in the direction of some weaning cookbooks and tell him he can do some
batch cooking - I bet he doesn’t invest his time in prepping nutritious food for his baby when the time comes.

Sounds like you’re well rid of this selfish misogynist.

I'm sorry by can we drop the "exclusively" part🙄 it sounds ridiculous, who needs to know how exclusive your breastfeeding is..breastfeed/formulafeed/combine feed.
My baby is "exclusively formula fed"🤣🤣
Just why???
And yea before the pc police come out I have breastfed all four or my babies and formula fed them too..

Diddums..glad he's an ex.

"Exclusively" is important, because it explains why her DH can't give a bottle. If it was mainly breastfeeding with occasional expressed bottles/ formula bottles, then her DH could do those feeds

Sorry, ex not DH

I’m pretty sure that the whole needing to bottle feed so dads can ‘bond’ with the baby is a myth that was originally carefully cultivated by the formula industry. It’s total nonsense.

And you never hear the same people complaining that they missed out on the bonding opportunity that is spending 2am-5am pacing the floor trying to settle it. Or changing nappy explosions. Etc. Weirdly enough that’s the stuff that arseholes who nag you about how you’re preventing their bonding by daring to breastfeed are quite happy for you to do. In fact, the not sleeping is something they firmly make your job because they have to sleep so they can work, etc.

The main thing here is for @Mamabearandcub to stop listening to the whinging ex and his tales of how mean she is. It’s not your job to manage his feelings or to ensure he bonds with the baby. He can do that by being consistently there when he’s supposed to be, doing the boring stuff and supporting you. Nagging and guilt tripping a baby’s mother is not going to help any bonding process at all.

IME these guys are jealous because they can see you have a bond with the baby. But choose to ignore all the consistent work that you’ve put into establishing the bond. They expect to swan in, do something high profile and fun and then fuck off again. And when it turns out the baby wants the consistent caregiver instead, they blame her rather than recognising they need to put more effort in.

Looking at you STBXH… Yes. All of that.

I knew from your first post, he's been fed some bullshit from his mother.

IGNORE.... You hear me? Totally ignore.

Your response..if you have to give one is "that's a shame you feel that way".

It's HIS issue. And his families. Your baby is not a possession to take turns with.

I remember expressing my breast milk so that my ex mil could feed my baby. I look back now and think I was nuts ( actually I was being emotionally and mentally abused).

It's a him problem. Let him whine to his fucking mother....not you.

Bonding with your child is constant. You can feed via breast or bottle and be connected or unconnected with both. A random stranger could feed your baby, but it wouldn’t be bonding. Feeding is an absolute minimum, like nappy changing. You need to love them, care for them, spend time with them, read with them, nurse them when sick etc. If it’s about bonding there are so many more things he should be doing. I think everyone can see why he’s an ex.

Tell him to get over himself. His feelings on this issue are not your problem to solve. Your baby is exclusively breastfed, that is that and you're hardly going to change a method of feeding which is working for you and her just so he doesn't feel left out. He has the rest of her childhood from 6 months onwards to help with feeding her...it will be interesting for you to see how long his enthusiasm lasts.

Weaning is so much fun for the dads. He's not got long to wait.

Some men can't cope with the fact that only women can have babies and only women can feed them.

And there is absolutely nothing they can do about that. Whereas most or all other issues in their lives they can 'sort out'.

It is what it is.

Suggest he grows a pair of tits and wish him luck?

This.

Tell him to put his child first, and stop behaving like a self-obsessed brat.

He can doing lots of spooning of soggy rice and pear puree when the time comes.😄

It's got buggar all to do with his family. They should be happy the baby is receiving the best start in life. Tell him when he can give birth to a baby he can make the choice to breastfeed it......himself!!

as everyone else has said you are doing the best thing for your baby (who is still so young!) and there are plenty of things he can do
is the issue the length of time he can have baby for?- I might have some sympathy for that if he genuinely wants to bond as I imagine you wouldn't be happy for baby to be away from you for more than an hour.
If he is really interested in feeding/bonding with the baby you might like to read this and share it with him
www.llli.org/breastfeeding-info/bottles/ which is about feeding breastfed babies other than at the breast. However it requires a lot of effort, motivation, patience and sensitivity to the baby. So his willingness to try and persist will tell you a lot

He’s an idiot - and I’m speaking as a bottle feeder. I intended to breastfeed and if it had worked out then there’s a chance my dH wouldn’t have fed ours. I can’t imagine him whining about it.
Its a good job he’s an ex.

Errrr the fact she is exclusively breastfeeding is literally the whole
point of this thread…

Because it’s relevant to the post.

Manchild. Tell him he has the next two decades to make his child delicious, wholesome food. Bet he won’t though.

Nail on the head with this one.

No one on DHs side breastfed and I know they all think it's embarrassing and disgusting.

Luckily for me my DH was as passionate as me about EBF and was very supportive. So realised their bullshit was bullshit.

But he hasn't had any issue at all bonding with DC. There's lots to do with babies other than feeding them.