Gah! Wasn't prepared for this part of parenting! Nearly cried in softplay

[doingitalllagain]

My 3 year old today was playing independently at softplay (never happens - I'm always dragged in!) and I watched as he was playing with other kids and it felt like a proper proud moment and like I was watching him grow up in front of my eyes.

The kids he was playing with left and I saw him go up to 2 older boys (guessing between 8-10) and say "Hi friends, can I play with you?" They laughed and walked away. He was following them calling out "friends? Friends? Come back" I tried to distract him and he said he was playing with his friends. He was at the top so I wasn't there to turn him away and ye went up again and asked to play with them and they told him to go away and I don't know if it's pregnancy hormones but it broke my heart a bit, I teared up. It was just my first time seeing him as this independent little boy putting himself out there and also the first time I'd seen him sort of get rejected by someone and it just felt really vulnerable and made me want to wrap him in bubble wrap and never let him out my arms!

God, I thought making sure he didn't break himself was the worst part of parenting but this is a whole side of parenting I hadn't thought about - it's like wearing your heart outside your body isn't it?!

I nearly teared up reading that 💛 Love to you, it's tough.

Awww bless him. Yes parenting is bloody hard…wee sweetie.

Ah the poor little mite! Lovely that he's so friendly though, children his own age are likely to respond well to him.

I remember watching this happen to my ds when he was about 3 and being totally heartbroken.

It is really hard OP I agree. My heart often feels like it’s in my throat when they’re navigating friendships.

Wahhhhhhhhhh 💙

My daughter has just started reception and the social education part is sooo hard. She says she has no friends and the teacher said she's a loner who just reads by herself all day 😭😭😭 I honestly can't cope with this. Awful

It doesn't get any easier, my 6 year old is very sociable and when other kids don't want to play it's heartbreaking. On the plus side he's now very resilient and it bothers me more than him 🙈

I still feel like this and my eldest is 12. Can't blame those boys though they won't want to play with a toddler.

Yep. It hurts us more than it hurts them, I think. I find my children's hurt & disappointment very difficult to bear. I know they need to be resilient but it doesn't mean I need to like it!

Aw OP! I know exactly how you feel, same happened to my 3yo boy - children he played with left, and he started following two older girls (sisters). He asked them “do you want to play?” and they answered a flat “no” and walked away.
My boy kept following them for a bit not understanding the rejection, while DH was trying to distract him.

Aw I remember DD being 2 and having just learned her colours, and showing some bigger children a blue ball proudly saying "boo", them sort of sneering at her. I was heartbroken for her (and also full of pregnancy hormones). It's awful seeing your child rejected.

The actual hardest part! I feel you- their sweet little faces when they are rejected. Poor little toot.

When my 2 eldest (now adult) dc were about 5 and 3, the 5yr old had a friend round after school and they were all playing amicably together in the garden. The two older ones suddenly decided to play with something indoors, so raced inside, oblivious to the 3yr old running after them. He tripped over the French windowsill, and sprawled full length on the floor, sobbing “my friends have run away from me.” Heart-rending!

As you've probably realised, the most important thing is that they get over the rejection way way quicker than we do. My little lad had broadly the same, and was fine moments later, even though I wasn't.

Another positive is that your son has the confidence to have a go at making friends. Loads of kids don't.

My 4yr old today asked me why she didn’t go to X birthday party. It’s the first time she’s ever realised someone has had a party and she wasn’t there. Obviously breezed over it with a ‘we can’t be invited to all the parties etc etc’ and she seems fine with the explanation and hasn’t mentioned it since. But it made me realise we’re there, at the age of rejection, no longer oblivious to what others are doing and all the emotion that will come with that and I felt momentarily sad. But I know it’s my job to build her confidence and resilience that will lead her into a successful life.

Yes, it's horrible to watch the rejection when it happens, but on the flip side, after lots and lots of these little interactions knocking the edges off him, my 6 year old is now an extremely robust little chap with good boundaries of his own. This makes me more proud than you can imagine.

It doesn't stop it hurting us, but just know it's part of the process of growing up.

well, it's time to teach him what "friends" means. Friends are people we've met before, whose names and faces we know.

If it’s any consolation he probably doesn’t feel as bad about it as you do. When he is amongst his peer this attitude will serve him well and he will make friends. Buckle up because when they start high school you are not even there to see these tribulations.

I had almost forgotten how cruel some youngsters can be until I took my toddler granddaughter to soft play. She was trying to hug and engage with some older children who just pushed her over and ran away. Her little face just scrunched up with confusion and tears. Heartbreaking.

Wait until he's in his teens......

Aww, bless him. DD is only 13 months and we went to a soft play with a friend last week. They had to leave early as her LO (same age) was getting tired and grumpy... DD looked so sad as they left, toddled after them to the door and stood watching them as they walked past the window 💔

the first time I was allowed back inside nursery after covid I walked in and the first thing I saw was another kid pushing DD square in the chest. Properly broke my heart. 😭 the nursery staff dealt with it and everything but I think part of it was the realisation that there must be stuff happening every day which makes her sad that I’m not there for.

Going against the grain here but most kids that age don’t want to play with toddlers!

Really relate to this. I'm a nervous wreck when I see invites going out, checking DDs book bag! She's been moved into a new class and only six of them got swapped and they seem to be clinging to each other and not mixing. I hear all the mums talking about all the party invites and we have none as the friendship groups were all established last year.