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Original poster

Gah! Wasn't prepared for this part of parenting! Nearly cried in softplay

51 replies

doingitalllagain · 04/10/2022 17:58

My 3 year old today was playing independently at softplay (never happens - I'm always dragged in!) and I watched as he was playing with other kids and it felt like a proper proud moment and like I was watching him grow up in front of my eyes.

The kids he was playing with left and I saw him go up to 2 older boys (guessing between 8-10) and say "Hi friends, can I play with you?" They laughed and walked away. He was following them calling out "friends? Friends? Come back" I tried to distract him and he said he was playing with his friends. He was at the top so I wasn't there to turn him away and ye went up again and asked to play with them and they told him to go away and I don't know if it's pregnancy hormones but it broke my heart a bit, I teared up. It was just my first time seeing him as this independent little boy putting himself out there and also the first time I'd seen him sort of get rejected by someone and it just felt really vulnerable and made me want to wrap him in bubble wrap and never let him out my arms!

God, I thought making sure he didn't break himself was the worst part of parenting but this is a whole side of parenting I hadn't thought about - it's like wearing your heart outside your body isn't it?!

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TheLoupGarou · 04/10/2022 19:31

Aw the wee pet. It's hard when they don't understand. 💐

Soon enough he will be one of the older kids toddler-dodging! You'll find some older kids will be very kind and some won't want to know.

Leakingroofagain · 04/10/2022 19:34

DoubleChinWoes2 · 04/10/2022 18:04

My daughter has just started reception and the social education part is sooo hard. She says she has no friends and the teacher said she's a loner who just reads by herself all day 😭😭😭 I honestly can't cope with this. Awful

My dd had girls like this in her class. If it's any consolation the other children asked them to play but they preferred not to and genuinely didnt seem bothered. Now she's year 3 they play a lot more although still do get overwhelmed by the loudness of playtime. My dd even finds that tough and wears little ear buds that filter out annoying frequencies to cope with it better.

Holly60 · 04/10/2022 19:47

2bazookas · 04/10/2022 18:49

well, it's time to teach him what "friends" means. Friends are people we've met before, whose names and faces we know.

You understand that isn't actually a correct definition of the word 'friend', right?

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Johnnysgirl · 04/10/2022 19:49

DoubleChinWoes2 · 04/10/2022 18:04

My daughter has just started reception and the social education part is sooo hard. She says she has no friends and the teacher said she's a loner who just reads by herself all day 😭😭😭 I honestly can't cope with this. Awful

Her teacher sounds ridiculously poor, why isn't she intervening?

Thesearmsofmine · 04/10/2022 19:56

Oh poor little thing and poor you. I bet you remember this for years to come and he has probably already forgotten. It doesn’t end at the toddler years either.

AnyFucker · 04/10/2022 19:57

it's like wearing your heart outside your body isn't it?!

Aye

DeeofDenmark · 04/10/2022 19:59

@Johnnysgirl i don’t know, my daughter is autistic and can only cope with the noisy classroom if she gets a break from it at playtime. She will happily read by herself and this allows her to decompress. If she were forced to be sociable at break and lunch I don’t think she would be able to cope.

Johnnysgirl · 04/10/2022 20:00

DeeofDenmark · 04/10/2022 19:59

@Johnnysgirl i don’t know, my daughter is autistic and can only cope with the noisy classroom if she gets a break from it at playtime. She will happily read by herself and this allows her to decompress. If she were forced to be sociable at break and lunch I don’t think she would be able to cope.

Ah, fair enough if it's voluntary.

Confuciusornis · 04/10/2022 20:04

Oh OP, I feel your pain. My summer born, very socially unsophisticated 4yo boy has just started school. When I dropped him off the other day I saw a bigger boy go up to him as he put down his things and get right up in my son’s face, nose about a centimetre from my son’s, shoulders forward, just like when grown men are fronting up to each other. He was talking at him in a really aggressive way and my boy looked unhappy but kept calm and then tried to walk away. The other boy followed him, still talking at him. I pointed it out to a teacher who separated them, but it broke my heart to see my sweet, innocent little lad getting monstered the moment he walked into school. Hated leaving him there.

yougotthelook · 04/10/2022 20:05

doingitalllagain · 04/10/2022 17:58

My 3 year old today was playing independently at softplay (never happens - I'm always dragged in!) and I watched as he was playing with other kids and it felt like a proper proud moment and like I was watching him grow up in front of my eyes.

The kids he was playing with left and I saw him go up to 2 older boys (guessing between 8-10) and say "Hi friends, can I play with you?" They laughed and walked away. He was following them calling out "friends? Friends? Come back" I tried to distract him and he said he was playing with his friends. He was at the top so I wasn't there to turn him away and ye went up again and asked to play with them and they told him to go away and I don't know if it's pregnancy hormones but it broke my heart a bit, I teared up. It was just my first time seeing him as this independent little boy putting himself out there and also the first time I'd seen him sort of get rejected by someone and it just felt really vulnerable and made me want to wrap him in bubble wrap and never let him out my arms!

God, I thought making sure he didn't break himself was the worst part of parenting but this is a whole side of parenting I hadn't thought about - it's like wearing your heart outside your body isn't it?!

I feel you x
But what a brave little chap he is to approach the older boys!
My dd is nearly 18, yet to have a relationship, but I'm absolutely dreading the first time she gets her heart broken 😢
Being a mum is so tough yet so amazing too xx❤️

breathcalmly · 04/10/2022 20:18

Poor little lamb. I have 9 year olds and they would have smiled for a bit but then would have got annoyed with a toddler wanting to play with them unfortunately, it’s a big age gap

Original poster
doingitalllagain · 04/10/2022 20:24

Oh I don't blame the older kids for not wanting to play with a 3 year old at all, though the go away did make me sad for him, it was just the innocence of him asking them and thinking he was playing with them.. it just made him suddenly look so grown up yet so little and vulnerable and my heart just ached!

OP posts:
Original poster
doingitalllagain · 04/10/2022 20:27

Confuciusornis · 04/10/2022 20:04

Oh OP, I feel your pain. My summer born, very socially unsophisticated 4yo boy has just started school. When I dropped him off the other day I saw a bigger boy go up to him as he put down his things and get right up in my son’s face, nose about a centimetre from my son’s, shoulders forward, just like when grown men are fronting up to each other. He was talking at him in a really aggressive way and my boy looked unhappy but kept calm and then tried to walk away. The other boy followed him, still talking at him. I pointed it out to a teacher who separated them, but it broke my heart to see my sweet, innocent little lad getting monstered the moment he walked into school. Hated leaving him there.

Oh thats so sad Sad I was bullied in school and the thought of anyone ever doing that to him, oh it's too much to think about. I'm very emotional tonight. It's like I've somehow just realised he's going to go through all these bad bits, and not just be my little baby in his own little world like he has been when he was tiny. Eek 😬

OP posts:
LT2 · 04/10/2022 20:32

Oh gosh. I've got all this to come. I would be heartbroken witnessing that🥺

EspressoPatronumm · 04/10/2022 20:41

When he's 9/10 will you make him play with a child who is 3? To save their parents 'heartbreak'?

MsTSwift · 04/10/2022 20:44

Having a 13 year old girl whose “friends” turn on her is a special kind of hell. At least when they are little they kind of roll with the punches more and can be distracted by a lolly or something.

Original poster
doingitalllagain · 04/10/2022 20:46

EspressoPatronumm · 04/10/2022 20:41

When he's 9/10 will you make him play with a child who is 3? To save their parents 'heartbreak'?

I did literally say I don't blame the kids! It was just seeing him putting himself out there and being so socially unaware made him seem so little and vulnerable and just a bit heart wrenching! especially as I know there will be lots of those moments to come, just a side of parenting I hadn't quite braced myself for!

OP posts:
Kindofcrunchy · 04/10/2022 20:56

Aw op my little boy is the same! Almost 3 and so sociable, loves playing with children of all ages and gets knocked back all the time. It breaks my heart. I so wish he didn't have to go to school, the thought that my confident little boy might be destined to become a socially anxious adult because of all the bullies is just... so unfair. But I guess it makes them stronger in a way.

If you're anywhere near North Wales, hit me up for a playdate 😁

FlippertyGibberts · 04/10/2022 21:15

DoubleChinWoes2 · 04/10/2022 18:04

My daughter has just started reception and the social education part is sooo hard. She says she has no friends and the teacher said she's a loner who just reads by herself all day 😭😭😭 I honestly can't cope with this. Awful

DS was quite like this through primary school, and the pandemic didn't really help either. He did feel that he had friends though, although in reality he just preferred doing different things to most of the other kids. He's at secondary school now - it's much bigger, and he's part of a group of like-minded kids.

I completely understand how difficult it is, and how powerless to help you can feel. Keep talking to school, they should be able to help.

quitelikelyto · 04/10/2022 21:19

OP look at it a different way. He's learning all the lessons he needs to be a thriving adult. Rejection is one. This little bruise to his heart will strengthen him and teach him that not everyone is a friend but in a safe environment. It's age appropriate pain so it's actually a really valuable and good thing to happen. Learning comes through pain. Learning through lots of little pains like this will mean he is resilient when life throws big ones. You witnessed growth. It's all going just fine 🙂

RosieBartley · 04/10/2022 21:29

I say to my son in these situations “you can’t control how kind other people are but you can control how kind you are. There are people everywhere that are mean to others, just make sure you’re not one of them”. He’s in reception now and an older kid punched him in the playground and I was horrified, cried, panicked, imagine years of bullying from this kid. But it all solved itself and apparently they played together at lunch today 🤷‍♀️

Doowop1919 · 04/10/2022 21:46

Oh god it's so sad isn't it! My little boy is a as sensitive wee thing and has just started nursery 2 mornings a week (he's 2). Whenever a kid yells at him or takes something from him, he just allows it looking sad. It actually makes me tear up! Also pregnant but I think I'd feel like that anyway 😅

Newmummy2225 · 04/10/2022 22:04

Awww the wee tooty! Those kids are mean :(

Shiningstarr · 04/10/2022 22:08

Hate to say this but it's a million times worse when they are in their teens. Crying over big things that you can't do anything about. Heartbreaking.

bishbashboosh1 · 04/10/2022 22:09

makes me sad to read! bless him x