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Parenting

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Original poster

Questions for parents of three or more...

31 replies

hattyyellow · 25/01/2008 15:47

Would welcome any pratical experiences or advice.

We have twin girls aged 2.5. Would love to have a third but feel panicked at the thought of having two toddlers and a newborn...

Wondered about the following...I feel knackered today after having been up several times in the night with toddlers having nightmares...how do you find the energy to be up in the night with a small baby as well?

Are you running on adrenalin for the first six months? Is that what keeps you going and gets you and toddlers and baby washed/dressed/breakfasted out of the door to pre-school/nursery/playgroup etc?

If you can't catch up on sleep during the day with having toddlers as well as housework etc to do...do you catch up at weekends? Catch up ever?!

We would have no help as no family who can help nearby...have friends nearby but they have small children of their own so can't expect too much of them...

I would need to go back to work at least part-time about 4 months after baby was born - am I mad?

Is it normal to feel nervous at the thought of 3? Because I got two babies first time around I never did the one toddler and one baby stage so it's not a gradual transition moving from 1 to 2 to 3 children...

Any thoughts/experiences of how you get through the night and day gratefully recieved...I'm really interested in getting a fuller picture about how life with three works...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

RubyRioja · 25/01/2008 15:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

hattyyellow · 25/01/2008 15:58

Cheers Ruby, that's really useful..I do wonder if we are imagining the work load of two small babies again rather than one (I assume just one!)...

Forgot to say that obviously love for your little one must carry you through the day as well as adrenalin..didn't mean to sound completely cold! But when you're tired and stressed pratical planning and adrenalin must help as well?

OP posts:

MarsLady · 25/01/2008 16:00

multiple mums here, some who went on to have singletons and a triplet mum that went on to have twins

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

RubyRioja · 25/01/2008 16:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

largeginandtonic · 25/01/2008 16:07

I have dts and had a dd when they were 20 months. It was hard work (mainly the logistics of 3 needeing a buggy) but you should be fine as the gap will be bigger.

I have gone on to have a few more since then... so it cant be all bad Come and find us in the multiples thread We are a crazy friendly bunch.

juuule · 25/01/2008 16:12

I had my 4th child when my 2nd was 2y7m.

We had no help either.
Catch up on sleep when you can. Go to bed early in preparation for baby waking in the night. Catch up at weekends. It depends how tired you get. You can get used to having less sleep than you normally have.
Housework, maybe relax your standards a little.
I did find that we got into a sort of routine.

I did go back to work 3 days a week after no.3 but became sahm after no4. It was okay but I preferred to look after the children myself.

As you've already looked after twins, and they will be older when the baby arrived , I'm sure you'll manage fine with no.3

theslownorris · 25/01/2008 16:21

Hi. I have an older dd,twins then another singleton. My twins were 2.9 when dd4 was born and fortunately they didn't want to be in a pushchair so I didn't have that worry. The only thing I did do beforehand was take them out with a single buggy so they got used to the idea of holding on . I actually found it harder to go from one child to 3 instantly,although dd4 isn't without her challenges the transition to 4 has been easier.
I am pretty laid back though and don't worry about the things that don't matter (and probably a few that do ).

Idobelieveinfairies · 25/01/2008 16:34

I had my 1st set of twins when my others were 8,6,3,2.
And then had my 2nd set of twins when 1st set were 3. And it was ok.

Partner needs to help lots.

It mainly depends on the baby(ies).....if baby is collicky, sicky its obviously going to be hard work.

I look after my nephew now who is 7 months and he is much harder work than what any of mine were. I find it very hard with him compared to twins. So you never can tell.

largeginandtonic · 25/01/2008 16:36

Juule dont you have hundreds of children too?

juuule · 25/01/2008 16:38

No, just the 9

Idobelieveinfairies · 25/01/2008 16:39

Can't be so bad if we find ourselves on here eh?!

Original poster

hattyyellow · 25/01/2008 16:42

Aw cheers so much for all these answers...am still weak with admiration for those who have more than 3 - 3 alone seems such a huge number to me when most people we know have 2!

We are ttcing without much success at the moment for no 3...I think the older the girls get the harder it is to imagine going back to sleepless nights/lunchtime sleeps/weaning etc...but it's obviously perfectly possible with enough determination...

I'm a third child as is DH and our mums both said you just "get on with it" with 3 or more...the baby/ies fit/s in with your life and existing family set up...daytime baby sleeps happen when they fit in etc..

OP posts:

needmorecoffee · 25/01/2008 16:50

you just get on with it. My eldest was 3 and number 2 20 months when number 3 was born. It was pretty knackering, all still in nappies too. I was either feeding or looking at bums for a looooooooooooooooong time
Got 4 now.
Did notice that poor number 3 never got a look in and I was dealing with fighting toddlers. Every time I picked him up he was 3 months older!

BellaDonna79 · 25/01/2008 17:09

I had 5 in 3 years 9 months...
When dd3 was born I had a 12.5 month old, 18 month old twins and a 3.9 year old.
That was hard work, TBH they just HAD to be settled into a routine, I would have liked to have had a bit more flexibility rather than everything having the precision of a complex military operation but you play the card that's delt to you don't you? (BTW neither 4 nor 5 were planned...)

BellaDonna79 · 25/01/2008 17:09

*dealt

Elphaba · 25/01/2008 17:16

Erm, I think you just get used to it - used to less sleep, used to the chaos that your life becomes!

When ds3 was born I had a 21 month old and just 3 yr old. It was actually pretty easy in the baby/toddler days. Now they are 6, 5 and 3 it's more mad and hectic than it ever was and I'm more tired now than I was with little ones. Small ones don't have 101 activities and parties to go to, they don't run round the house like loons, they don't answer you back....

But all that said - go for it - 3 is fabbo!

Original poster

hattyyellow · 25/01/2008 17:47

Thanks so much all - this is really useful stuff

OP posts:

Chopster · 25/01/2008 17:50

One newborn really will be so much easier than twins. I expected double the work when I had my twins, but the reality is much more.

I have four, all under the age of 5 when the twins were born. Family were nearly 200 miles away. You cut corners where you can - you don't dress the baby every day, you go to bed at 7pm sometimes, you don't bath the kids daily. I minly survive because I get them all to bed at 6pm. It isn't that bad. I think in your situation one won't be bad at all, but I'd be terrified in case I got another set of twins!

piximon · 25/01/2008 19:06

oh Chops another set of twins wouldn't be so bad. lol.

hatty my twins are almost 13mths and I'm expecting the next singleton at the end of March. I also have DS1, 5 next month and DD1 3.3mths. I think if it's something you want you just get on with it.

I'm a bit worried about how I'll cope when number 5 gets here as I've recently moved and moving again next month, while DH will be left in London through the week. My mum is moving down here too but she has a full time job lined up so I'll more or less be alone through the week. But I figure the new baby will just have to fit in with the rest of them and it's a bit late to stress too much now!

juuule · 25/01/2008 19:09

" I think if it's something you want you just get on with it."
So true. Great attitude to have, Piximon.

Egg · 25/01/2008 19:11

I have the reverse, a toddler of 23 months and 2-week old twins. At the mo I am doing all the night feeds (am bottle feeding) as DH is under a lot of pressure at work, new boss etc etc and can't afford to be knackered out (he spends 3.5hrs a day just commuting). Anyway, I feel 100 times better than I did when pregnant, and have more energy despite less sleep. However, DS1 is now waking more at night, not being woken when babies cry but just waking up and wanting love and cuddles etc as I think he feels a bit insecure. DH has been mainly dealing with him at night, but am finding his unsettledness harder than looking after newborns. Not sure how hard it might be having TWO doing that, although yours would be a lot older than DS1 by the time you had another and hopefully a bit less insecure.

Am I babbling? I have had v little sleep for some time. It's time to hit the beer fridge .

I would say that DS has been far far better with the babies than I expected, kissing and stroking them and not trying to do anything other than be nice to them.

ScottishSusan · 25/01/2008 19:25

Wow some of you with 9 or more children.... FAB!!!

You know you do just find a way to cope and when you get really low and feel that it will never end just remember that in the blink of an eye your little ones will be teenagers who "think" they don't need you any more....and certainly not for hugs!!!

My oldest ds is 15 the next ds is 13.5, next ds is 10.4, dd is 5, next ds is 2 and am 15 wks pg with number 6.

I am tired most of the time and NEED routine and oranisation or panic sets in. But I teach 3 days a week and I love being a mum so I cope.......most of the time

Also remember that a good cry and scream now and then works wonders....

I know I'm babbling now

Good luck!!!!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Original poster

hattyyellow · 28/01/2008 09:55

Wow, so impressed at all your calm competent parenting

Just a couple more pratical questions that are floating around my head...what do you do about attending scans (can you bring the kids with you?)..

And what about actual births? If you don't have family nearby who are on hand to take the kids? Did you put friends on standby and try and make sure the kids are happy at their house?

So many pointless questions as ttcing doesn't seem to be successful so far but am curious as to the logistics of it all..

OP posts:

needmorecoffee · 28/01/2008 09:57

didn't have any scans so not an issue. With numbers 2 and 3 they waited on the ward while I had my c-sections. With number 4, numbers 1-3 were at the birth cos it was a homebirth.

Original poster

hattyyellow · 28/01/2008 10:10

That must have been incredible, having your three children at the birth of your fourth..and great that you could have a home birth after a c-section, what an amazing experience..

OP posts:

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