SAHM's - do you get told 'It's your job' by DP's?

[Stefka]

My DH often says this to me if I am asking for his help with something. I realise that it is in a way my job as he is out earning money for us and I do do all the housework etc but sometimes in the evening I want him to help out a bit too. DS is only 14 weeks and very fussy in the evenings and I often get no time to myself at all. DH just tells me to sleep when he's asleep during the day but this is not practical because I just can't sleep then and there is too much to do in the house. Am I unreasonable to feel that DS is not just my job but his too?

I am sure it will all get better and I certainly don't expect him to take on loads in the house with all he has going on. It's just little things like DS has been suffering from colic spells and walking up and down with a crying baby for hours can be really tiring but if I ask him to take a shot so I can get a cup of tea and a wee break I often get the 'It's your job' response. He just gets grumpy. The thing is he's allowed to be but if I am grumpy because of tiredness then that doesn't seem to be acceptable because the baby is my job if that makes sense. It's like I am not allowed to be worn out by it sometimes.

Well Stef, in that case you just say 'right I'm bloody knackered, here' and just hand him the baby

If he gets grumpy about it just say 'he's your baby too'

Stop fannying about and tell him to get on with it.

When you think about it though, is it all your job?

Working outside the home, what? leave at 8, back at 7? = 11 hours x 5 days = 55 hours??

SAHM with babies / preschool children, what? 6am -10pm plus disturbed nights adding up to an hour each night? 17 or 18 hours a day, x 7 days = 119 hours (less if your kids are at school because you DO have some time to yourself during the day, you're not doing housework from the time you drop them to the time you pick them back up!!)

So a SAHM with a baby does DOUBLE the weekly hours of her FT employed elsewhere husband

Is THAT fair?

I think that if your bloke is SO nitpicking that he starts on with the whole "I work this is your job" crappola,instead of appreciating that you are a couple and a team, you should actually CALCULATE his working week vs your working week, show him you do double his hours and tell him you will match HIS working week but the difference in hours after that must be split.

I sometimes get this aswell but to be fair he does take lo (17 mths) out to give me some time to myself. Alot of women would probably not agree but I do mostly everything around the house plus the childcare and the majority of the time I don't mind because it is better than going to work. I do get a chance to sit down in the day and watch tv, read a magazine or go on the pc so i don't think life is that bad. He works shifts and is always really tired. I would rather do stuff around the house than leave it in a state for him to do when he gets in cos it would probably never get done! When we both worked and had no children the household chores were split 50/50. We always agreed whoever stayed home would look after the house and I know he would if he was at home. He looked after his dd on his own when she was small so I know he can do it. When he was not working (due to an accident when lo was a newborn) he did everything around the house while I did the breastfeeding, childcare etc. It's just he won't do anything if he is working. I would still rather do everything around the house plus childcare than go out to work full time and not do anything around the house which is my other option lol!

Looking after your LO is your job .....but only whilst your DP is out of the house. When he is there it is BOTH of your jobs.

Imagine if you suddenly decided that you were going back to work full-time...would he still think that it was your job in the evenings when you were both home..?

Honestly he does sound like he is very busy, but surely he would WANT to hold his baby?!?!?!
It's not like you're asking him to cook a meal, hoover the living room and wash up after is it?