Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

my dcs are 7 and 9 - are 2 instruments too much?

36 replies

Pollyanna · 25/01/2008 09:36

Both ds (9) and dd1 (7) learn the piano privately and ds also learns clarinet and dd1 violin at school. Both have asked to learn the second instrument. One of my conditions of learning it is that they practice every/most day(s). I do this partly because I am paying for it, but also because I know that they'll get more enjoyment out of it. Their practice for each instrument is no more than 5 minutes

I know I should ignore her, but my au pair has said that my children are missing out on their childood because of this practice (with the 5 or so minutes of homework each night). I asked my mum and she said that she agrees with the au pair.

I wouldn't say it is a struggle to get them to practice, but they do need reminding. They don't do it every night. Both of them asked to do the second instrument and both of them say they really like playing both instruments, but I don't want to be making them too tired or being a pushy mother (I like them playing, but I wouldn't mind if they stopped the second instrument - the piano is non-negotiable at the moment).

Am i being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

lemonstartree · 25/01/2008 09:40

no. You seem to be talking about a total of 15 minutes max playing instruments and doing homework. If 15 mins 'work' stops them having a 'normal childhood' I am astonished !!!

goood on you giving them varied experiences and making sure that they stick to the committments they have made

SSSandy2 · 25/01/2008 09:40

Doesn't sound excessive to me unless they are doing so many other things too that they have little time for free play or whatever the au pair feels is missing.

DoodleToYou · 25/01/2008 09:45

Message withdrawn

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting Music

Bink · 25/01/2008 09:52

Do you supervise/do the reminding about the practice, or does the au pair? If the latter, I'd suspect that it's she who's feeling pressured - which is either reasonable or unreasonable, completely depending on how much else is expected of her in the time she does.

My two (7 and 8) do piano & the little one does recorder as well (if tootling counts as a proper second instrument - not entirely sure it does!) Anyway, our nanny organises the practising & it doesn't seem to be a stress on her or the children.

Original poster

Pollyanna · 25/01/2008 10:01

They only do one other activity during the week which is dd1 does ballet after school on a weds, so ds stays at school and does tennis at the same time. Both of them have asked to do this too. Other than that they are home every evening. I had felt that compared to other children I am quite lazy about taking my children out to after school activities, but maybe not?

I am not home every night as I work, and I think the au pair has partly said this because she has to get them to do their practice and homework (she would rather put the tv on I think ), and because she kept not doing this I produced a chart for them to tick off each night. It also has things like feeding the guinea pigs on, so I don't think it is too onerous really.
I hadn't thought that they have a huge amount of homework either - dd1 just has spellings.

OP posts:

marialuisa · 25/01/2008 10:09

DD is not quite 7 and learns 2 instruments (and needs to do rathermore than 5 mins practice on each!). It doesn't sound like they are overdoing it to me but if you don't mind them "dropping" an instrument I think it would be better to let them decide rather than saying they have to do the piano.

SSSandy2 · 25/01/2008 10:15

Sounds like the au-pair cannot be bothered more than that your dc are missing out on their childhood.

Bink · 25/01/2008 10:22

What your children do seems completely reasonable. For comparison: mine do (on top of music practice & homework) -
Mon, ds remedial football, dd nothing (playdate often);
Tues, ds ICT club, piano lesson (both);
Weds, dd art, ds nothing;
Thurs, dd needlecraft, ds nothing;
Fri, dd ballet.
This all seems to fit in without too much effort (dd is very lively, so the amount she does is all by choice by the way).

I do suspect it is the au pair wanting a bit of an easier life, and it sounds as if there might be some more systemic issues around that. Worth looking at the bigger picture again?

Original poster

Pollyanna · 25/01/2008 10:24

I would like mine to do more than 5 minutes practice too! But I'm not pushing it.

They like the piano anyway, so would choose to continue that I think (probably because they are more advanced and like doing recognisable tunes). I have given them the option of dropping both, but they both said they want to continue.

I shall just ignore the ap from now on I think!

OP posts:

Zog · 25/01/2008 10:28

Definitely ignore the ap and I think your Mum is just comparing your childhood with your children's, which you cannot do because they are poles apart.

FWIW, I think learning any instrument is a fantastic thing to do. Your children will definitely thank you for it as adults. 5 minutes for each per day is not overly onerous fgs .

Original poster

Pollyanna · 25/01/2008 10:28

I agree Bink, but dh and my mum think I am slightly unreasonable about the ap - then again on the 2 nights a week I am at home I have seen that she likes an easy life.

She is leaving in March anyway, and I will be at home on maternity leave, so I will be able to supervise things (on top of 5 children aaagh!). I think I am a bit of a control freak tbh - hence the chart - but I didn't think I was too pushy.

OP posts:

Bink · 25/01/2008 10:34

Is this your fifth?! - so ap is looking after 4 at the moment? If that's the case, she is doing a much tougher job than my nanny (who's just got my two to deal with) - and in those circs perhaps music practice is a bit of a straw on the camel's back (for her, of course, not for the children). And so maybe it's worth laying off music practice a couple of days a week & doing more at the weekend when you're around?

Original poster

Pollyanna · 25/01/2008 10:40

no, my youngest is at nursery, so ap doesn't have to look after her.

My dd2 (who is 5) watches tv in the evenings - doesn't have any practice/homework etc. I cook dinner the night before, and am usually home at bath time. They don't do practice on the weds when they have their ballet/tennis - so ap only has to enforce it 2 nights. I appreciate that 4 children is alot, but I have tried to arrange it so that she only has to do the minimum. (house is a tip when I get back too!!). I also have a cleaner 2 days a week, so she really doesn't have to do that much.

OP posts:

motherinferior · 25/01/2008 10:43

Hmmm.

I learned two instruments from around the age of nine. My parents nagged me to practice. I practised. I got grade 8 on the violin and grade 7 on the piano. I went to orchestra practice/piano lessons every damn day....

I've touched neither instrument for about 25 years.

Original poster

Pollyanna · 25/01/2008 10:45

actually MI I am the same - I have grade 7 on piano - and never touch ours but I think I am glad I can play!

OP posts:

Bink · 25/01/2008 10:50

Am reverting to previous position that what you do (as in, ask of the ap - I think what you're asking of yourself is masses, but that's your choice ) is entirely reasonable & ap is dossing slightly.

Fennel · 25/01/2008 10:52

I'm finding this thread interesting, have just given notice for my 7yo's recorder lessons (after a year or so) as she just doens't get around to practising in between lessons - she's busy or tired or not in the mood and I hate pushing it, I don't want it to be something we force on her.

She does like learning and seems to be reasonably musical, unlike me. and I feel a bit bad about cancelling but it seems to me that if she doesn't practise it's not worth it. and the lessons aren't particularly cheap either.

Fennel · 25/01/2008 10:54

MI, if you're still around, come and tell me your opinions on "emotional suitability" for 8 year old readers on another thread.

Bellavita · 25/01/2008 11:10

My two DS's are learing to play the guitar (which they have both asked to do). It is our time and money ie. ferrying them to and from lessons, so if they want to learn then they also have to practice at home and they have to do 20 mins a day.

Yes sometimes they complain that they have too much to do, but I say if they just get on and do it then there will be loads of time to do the other stuff ie. watching tv, playing on the wii or whatever.

Actually, they have found that when they come upstairs on a morning to get washed and dressed for school it is easier to do their practicing then and it gets it out of the way. The plus factor with this is they spend less time together arguing about which programme they are going to watch on tv before school.

DS1 is nearly 11 and DS2 is 8.

SSSandy2 · 25/01/2008 11:13

quick hijack: Have they found it painful on their fingertips? This is what puts me off guitar

Original poster

Pollyanna · 25/01/2008 11:17

thanks Bink

as to what I ask of myself - yes, am close to breaking point on this, but that is a different issue, to be dealt with at some undefined date in the future...

Bellavita, I have the same view, if they just did the practice/homework it would be over with and they would have loads of time to play/watch tv/fight, but they don't seem to get that.

OP posts:

Bellavita · 25/01/2008 11:31

I think at first they did find it painful on their fingers, but the more they practice, the better it gets.

spangle1 · 25/01/2008 18:18

My daughter is 9 and does 3 instruments - piano, trumpet and recorder but she is self-motivated and practices every morning. However, my son did keyboard for a while but never practised so he stopped as I wasn't willing to nag him - there are too many other things I have to nag him about! I think it is up to them really (obviously with a little bit of persuasion/encouragement). I was forced to practice piano for 7 years and it completely turned me off.

roisin · 25/01/2008 18:26

Bink - I am intrigued. What is remedial football?
[apologies for hijack]

Bink · 25/01/2008 21:23

oh roisin - it's just my phrase for the sports club he does after school (but through school) - it's run specifically for his school (specialist dyslexia/dyspraxia etc. outfit) by the company Fit For Sport; fundamental principle is that the children there aren't going to be able to skip (eg) unless they are patiently taught exactly how to. And will need lots of encouragement & help with balance, co-ordination, and so on - no reliance on physical instincts. I think it is a great great thing (& that I had had something just like it at his age!)

Flip

1 2