Does this ever get easier?

[Sleepbabysleeppls]

Sorry in advance for the self-indulgent ramble. Just really struggling.

DS is 12m he is full on. So much energy all the time, not yet walking but almost. Literally does not stop. I was a playgroup with him yesterday and he was by far the most manic there even the mums with little boys a year older commented on how much energy he has.

He wakes every day at 5am. I have tried EVERYTHING to change this. I think this is the main thing I’m struggling with as if he slept later I’d have a bit more energy myself (I am in bed by 9.30 every night but the early start still kills me). I watch him all day like a hawk to stop him from hurting himself but he often ends up hurting himself anyway because he is so manic. It’s hard to have eyes in the back of your head when you’re tired.

He has tantrums when I tell him ‘no’. For instance spent the whole of playgroup yesterday playing on a step with this heavy curtain and then ended up hurting himself (despite the hundreds of toys there I try and get him to play with).

Every meal is a battle. Will hardly eat and throws food on the floor despite knowing he shouldn’t. Grab the spoon off me if I’m trying to feed him something and throws it at me. Kicks and screams at me when I’m trying to change his nappy.

Maybe this is all really normal and I need to adjust my expectations but I’m just finding it incredibly hard. I think if the 5am wake changed everything would be more manageable but as I said I can’t seem to shift this after months and months.

The positives are is that he generally sleeps through until 5am from 7-7.30pm ish, he will self settle, has daytime naps and is generally happy and content. But everyone says how 12m is a turning point and I’m really not feeling that.

Things are almost as hard as newborn days just differently hard.

@SallyWD thanks. This is what I’m finding so hard - I don’t know what to do. Some say earlier bedtime as overtired/some say later bedtime as 10hours sleep all he needs. It’s impossible to know what to do.

Seems like that's just him then. Will probably become later wake ups when he's on no nap or maybe 1 if you're lucky but my cousins kids have always been early risers, even now and they're 7 and 5. Some kids just wake up early.
With regards to the Hugh energy and tantrums when saying no, my DD isn't as high energy but definitely doesn't like being told no so that is very normal.

Hi again, this chart may help. As you can see their sleep needs reduce a lot at the 12 month mark caringforkids.cps.ca/handouts/pregnancy-and-babies/healthy_sleep_for_your_baby_and_child

So that's generally 11-12 hrs a night then the rest in day naps but will need tweaking.

From my two kids (now big!) My dd was more like your son. Walking at 10 months, crazy, wired, no patience for eating. She slept 12 hrs a night (and still needs loads of sleep as a pre-teen) but I had to limit her naps to max 1.5 hrs in the middle of the day. Otherwise she wouldn't sleep at night. My ds was at the other end of the scale needing more sleep, but was a late walker etc. I'd suggest reduce the day naps until you hit the optimum (and then it will inevitably change after a few months!) You could try getting that nap to 11am to start with which would give you a 7am wake up time.

Just to give an idea of today… as I wake up trying to be positive and slowly as the day goes on feel more and more desperate.

DS went down for morning nap at 9.30am this morning as managed (after an hour and hour and a half of trying) to get him to have 40 mins more at 6.20am (so up st 7am). He slept for 30 mins then woke up moaning which is fine, as I said happy to try cutting the AM nap anyway.

Gave him ibuprofen as suspect he may be teething. Took a while as he bats the syringe out my hand and won’t let me near him (he does like the taste so don’t know why he does this). Tried to change him for the day, ensue mad kicking and pushing and moaning. I find it very hard to remain calm with him.

Take him to the park. Lots of fresh air and playing, although mainly wants to crawl on gravel. But generally happy at park.

Come home and has lunch at 12.30. Moans and turns away from me in highchair - most of food on floor. Try some puree and he screams at me.

Have some wind down time in bedroom reading stories and singing. DS clearly tired as rubbing eyes and reaching for his comforter. Give him milk and put him down for nap at 1.30pm Moans in cot for 30 mins before crashing out.

Everything is a battle. I just don’t understand why anyone would ever have a second child. Unless it does somehow get better. Maybe I’m just not equipped to cope.

Also just to add, DH and I both have good jobs, a lovely home and I have a lot of support. I know how lucky I am. I see mums with much less who look like they are coping much better and enjoying it and I genuinely cannot understand. I don’t understand how people get through this.

I felt exactly the same. My dd was EXACTLY like this. With the added joy that she used to bite my leg if I told her off. As I said, I'm well past that now but I can offer a few words of comfort which I hope help.in some way.

Don't stress on the eating thing. Some kids need very little food. I used to have these battles and honestly it is not worth it. If he refuses food, remove it and crack on with the day. My kids are still fussy eaters but they have got better over the years.

It's ok to feel frustrated. Plus all kids are different. You are entitled to look at other calmer and easier kids and wish yours were like that. Remember that all of them pretty much have their own issues too.

Stick with the playgroups etc and make sure you have plenty of people you can vent to.

You can't change your ds' character but remember that the things that are really frustrating and fucking annoying now will become things that make him HIM over time. My dd was a crazy loud disastrous toddler who never ate. Now she is a lovely resilient HAPPY almost teen. She is the grown version of the toddler she once was and is a joy to be around. Your son will be like this too....you will see as he grows that his alertness and determination will make him a great kid.

(Ps. It took me 4 years to bite the bullet and have another child. He was the total opposite but they get on great and he really looks up to his big sister).

@mewkins I honestly don’t think I’ll be having anymore unless something drastically improves. No idea how I’m even going to make it through today let alone the week/month/year.

He woke from his PM nap after 30 mins again absolutely hysterical. DH has been trying to calm him down for 45 minutes. I can only think and hope it is teething as least that would provide an explanation .

I really feel for you. Can you take a break today and get some time to yourself? These are the hard times but I promise it gets better. Also check his ears aren't red - both my kids got ear infections which led to the same x

Sounds like teething and being overtired to me. If he's waking up after 30 mins of napping he's not getting enough sleep. That's not even one sleep cycle. I'd honestly try putting him to bed early for a couple of weeks to see how it goes. If it doesn't work, then fine at least you've tried. When I started putting mine to bed earlier they slept later and were I'm a better mood during the day.
And OP - I promise you it will get easier. In a couple of years he'll be a little boy. You'll be able to do fun things with him and have lots of lovely conversations.

OP you have my sympathies. My DD is 20 months now and I do think from 18 months onwards it has been generally getting better. We've not had all the same struggles as you but have had other things too. At times it was sooo hard. We are finally saying bye to 5am wakes (thank god) but not out the woods yet. Agree lack of sleep can make things 10 x harder. Have you tried napping while your son naps?

Not helpful advice really but they honestly grow and change so fast that in a few months you'll be in such a different place. Maybe with new challenges....! But as you're son learns to walk and talk it'll be all new and hopefully things will get easier again.

Hi OP, no advice but just wanted to say we are in the EXACT same position with our 13 year old. I've read your post and replies and I literally could have written every single part. I've kind of just accepted that this is how it is for now and it won't be forever. I'm hoping once he can walk it will release some of his frustrations and make life a bit easier. I think we are also in the transition phase to one nap but not quite ready yet so I'm hoping once we are there in a couple of months it will sort out the sleep a bit and things will get easy. Even if it doesn't solve the 5am wakings instantly I think it is a step towards getting there eventually.

It's so hard though, I'm so tired all the time. I'm thinking of booking into a spa for a night and leaving DP to it so I can get a full 8 hours sleep at least plus some pampering. Maybe try that!

Oh and I've also decided we are one and done! Love DS to bits but can't put myself through this again

Oops 13 month old!! Really hope by 13 years we are in a bit of a better place!

Thanks @PurplePetalPip it’s always reassuring to know you aren’t the only one although i wouldn’t wish 5am starts on anyone! None of my friends IRL seem to have this problem although I’m sure they have problems of their own.

Tbh I think a lot of my unhappiness and anxiety is centred on that 5am start as everything on the internet tells you it’s a ‘problem’, then I feel like it’s something I need to fix but can’t seem to, so feel like I’m failing us both. Although maybe if I did get rid of the early wakes I’d just be worrying about something else.

Hi OP

I don’t really have any advice, but just to say that I also have a recently turned one year old, and both my husband and I agree that it’s a really really hard age! And can make you doubt your confidence in yourself as a parent all over again. I think all you can really do is accept it for what it is and not berate yourself for finding it difficult. Who wouldn’t find it exhausting and maddening having to monitor vigilantly a manic child hell bent on their own destruction every single (waking) second of the day?!

Does he go to nursery? That might give you a proper break so you feel less worn down by it all. Also, don’t bother battling him. If he doesn’t want to eat and is getting angry in his high chair, just get him out. If he’s refusing to nap for an hour, just stop trying to make him. I take the path of least resistance often and I think it makes us both a lot happier! There’s no point trying to engage in a battle of wills with a child far too young to have any understanding at all of why you are trying to get them to do or not do something. My son barely eats anything, truly, which does stress me out, but I know rationally that trying to force more food down him is counterproductive. And as for the 5am start - that’s absolute hell and I sympathise, but again, if you’ve tried various tactics without success perhaps just accept it’s where he’s at for now. I do think it’s well within the realms of “normal”, so don’t let the internet make you feel worse about it. I literally can’t cope with early mornings and so my husband is the one who gets up with our baby (I do a hell of a lot more than him the rest of the day, so it’s a trade off…). Could you try that?