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Please help, desperate for advice
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Petcourgette · 22/09/2022 17:02

My 11 month old sleeps around 8 or 9 hrs a night and 2 hrs a day over 2 naps if I'm lucky. Her wake windows are minimum 4 hrs and sometimes as long as 7. She settles fine at night but in the day will only nap on me and my boob, or on DH after a long dance session. We are both exhausted and I don't understand where she gets her energy from.
I've tried sleep training methods but she just screams and screams.
I dont know what to do. Please help

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MolliciousIntent · 22/09/2022 18:19

Is she happy when awake? If so then she probably just doesn't need that much sleep. Unless she's really miserable I wouldn't worry about changing it. How mobile is she? You might find she sleeps more when she's on the go.

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outtheshowernow · 22/09/2022 18:29

Sorry but that sounds really normal and quite a good amount of sleep. I think you have unrealistic expectations.

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ChildWontStopGrowing · 22/09/2022 18:46

Aw, that sounds exhausting! Definitely a slightly lower-sleep need, but not uncommonly so.

I would suggest keep trying to settle without contact/feeding for naps. If she does it at night, then she's definitely capable. You may find that one day she'll just do it for a nap.

You said you've tried sleep training methods - how many and how long for? I know all babies don't respond the same to each method, but the one that works is the one you stick to.

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twordle · 22/09/2022 18:48

She sleeps 8 or 9 hours a night? What's the problem? Or am I misunderstanding your post?

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MolliciousIntent · 22/09/2022 19:14

ChildWontStopGrowing · 22/09/2022 18:46

Aw, that sounds exhausting! Definitely a slightly lower-sleep need, but not uncommonly so.

I would suggest keep trying to settle without contact/feeding for naps. If she does it at night, then she's definitely capable. You may find that one day she'll just do it for a nap.

You said you've tried sleep training methods - how many and how long for? I know all babies don't respond the same to each method, but the one that works is the one you stick to.

This isn't accurate - no sleep training method will work if the baby isn't tired, and it sounds like OP's baby is getting all the sleep she needs.

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Petcourgette · 22/09/2022 19:39

Sorry, I should have been clearer. I'm just exhausted and this is maybe the third time I've posted on here, so far no one has ever replied to my question so I was losing a bit of steam.
She sleeps 8 hours in the night but wakes up 2-4 times for feeds. She won't settle without a boob, just escalates further and further screaming the house down. But I can live with that. It's the napping in the day. She needs facilitating which means one of us had to stop and help her nap otherwise she just won't. Today for example she woke up at 7, then had a nap 10-10.45 and has been awake since. It's nearly 8pm and she still won't settle. I don't think thats normal but I might be wrong?

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Petcourgette · 22/09/2022 19:42

As for sleep training methods, I've reluctantly tried controlled crying, because you know, sometimes I need to eat or shower (how dare i). It has never ever worked and she just escalates and escalates.
I've tried the chair method which has never worked either. I've tried patting and shushing but she just rolls over or stands up and jumps and screams.
Shes mobile, crawling, cruising, nothing has made a difference. She has always been like this, since a tiny baby. When she was a newborn she would.go 6 hours without sleep easily. Where does she get her energy?!?!?!

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User0ne · 22/09/2022 19:58

Are you cosleeping? If not then I'd use that as a way of maximising sleep at night; you can feed lying down.

Does your lo sleep in the buggy/a sling/the car? Plan journeys to be around the time they're likely to sleep.

My DH found/finds that if I'm around then young DC wouldn't settle with him, I needed to be out the building.

I've bf 3dc and the "needing a boob" thing is, in my experience, totally normal. It doesn't last forever, It can be hard while it does.

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Petcourgette · 22/09/2022 20:06

I bring her into bed at 5am if she's had me up every 2 hours but to be honest I can't sleep with her next to me, she wants to sleep-feed and I find it too uncomfortable laying on my side in the right position for her. But it does help to be laying down having a cuddle.
She won't sleep in the buggy and she will in the car but we live on the isle of wight and journeys are never really more than 10 mins long and she wakes up as soon as the engine is switched off. I'm mostly worried about going back to work. DH will be minding her while I work PT. I would just love for her to bap in her cot in the day so we could actually get stuff done but it has never happened. To date she's only ever napped on the boob, in the sling or on dad after he dances around with her for longer than she sleeps.

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Petcourgette · 22/09/2022 20:07

Surely she'd be tired after 8 hours awake?!?! Or maybe I have a very unique child?

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StillMissV · 22/09/2022 20:11

I don't know if it helps you to know mine was exactly like this and having had a second I now realise in retrospect he wasn't broken, he just didn't need as much sleep as other babies/toddlers. He still doesn't now at age 7, he's currently wide awake reading to himself, will probably go to sleep at 9pm and is up for the day at 5.30am. He just needs less sleep!!

At least now he's at an age where he knows not to wake me before 6.30am unless he wants to deal with my morning grump!

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unsure144 · 22/09/2022 20:12

My LO is similar- 11 months too. His days would be from 6/7am and then her fight his naps, and fight going to bed and sometimes not get to sleep until 10/11pm.
We dropped to one nap. It's not perfect but MUCH better.

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Petcourgette · 22/09/2022 20:16

Thats really good to know. My only point of reference is the Internet so I dint know what normal looks like. I keep feeling like I'm failing my child

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Petcourgette · 22/09/2022 20:17

I might try doing that. What time does he have his nap?

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yougotthelook · 22/09/2022 20:20

Petcourgette · 22/09/2022 17:02

My 11 month old sleeps around 8 or 9 hrs a night and 2 hrs a day over 2 naps if I'm lucky. Her wake windows are minimum 4 hrs and sometimes as long as 7. She settles fine at night but in the day will only nap on me and my boob, or on DH after a long dance session. We are both exhausted and I don't understand where she gets her energy from.
I've tried sleep training methods but she just screams and screams.
I dont know what to do. Please help

You need to get baby off the boob.
Too dependant on it to be able to self soothe.
Sorry if that's not what you want to hear! X

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StillMissV · 22/09/2022 20:20

You're not failing your child, you're still learning your child. Honestly, it wasn't until I had number two who is different in every way to her brother that I realised that you can read every bit of parenting advice and it will make Jack shit difference because your child hasn't read the manual! You're doing better than you think. If it also helps, those first couple of years felt like they went on forever at the time and now I want to weep at how fast they went - time is a funny old thing when you're tired!

Also, don't worry too much about childcare - both of mine behaved completely differently in childcare compared to at home. It's the one thing they have in common, they're in cahoots with each other trying to finish me off, I swear.

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unsure144 · 22/09/2022 20:22

Petcourgette · 22/09/2022 20:17

I might try doing that. What time does he have his nap?

He wakes around 7am usually, naps at 12-1:30. Bed at 7:30 x

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Petcourgette · 22/09/2022 20:24

I'm gonna give that a go, I did think about doing this but thought she might be too young

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Petcourgette · 22/09/2022 20:24

Thank you :)

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StillMissV · 22/09/2022 20:24

Also I disagree with the comment about boob. I quit breastfeeding my oldest for that reason and because of comments exactly like that and it made not one jot of difference to his sleep, but it meant I now no longer had a quick way of getting him back to sleep. Some babies/toddlers just aren't great sleepers!

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GreenRainbowSun · 22/09/2022 20:25

I had a similar baby. Its not you I think some children are just wired like this.

I did sling naps sometimes so could get on with things or pushchair naps worked for me too.

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Petcourgette · 22/09/2022 20:27

I share this sentiment completely and am not even considering it. People have given me this advice before but it's not for me or mine

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Chattycathydoll · 22/09/2022 20:27

Mine was like this. She’s 7 and still doesn’t need much sleep- but a) you’re not failing your baby and b) it will end: even if they never need much sleep, they gradually learn to entertain themselves during their ‘resting’ time.

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ZeroFucksGivenToday · 22/09/2022 20:27

I was the best parent ever in my fantasy land until I had my dd. Who laughed in the face of any parenting utopia I had.

Shes now 9 and only just started staying asleep until 7am. Still wakes up at 6 a good chunk of the time and just grabs her iPad (and tries not to wake me).

the number of sleeps in the daytime in her cot ever achieved. A big fat zero.
i used to drive her to Maccys, go in the drive through. Get a milkshake and read my book for 40 mins in the car park sometimes with the car running.

I don't know if that helps or not, but I just wanted to say that sometimes they're just not big on napping.

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Petcourgette · 22/09/2022 20:27

OK glad I'm not the only one :)

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